Correction/lettre motivation
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Message de morizot posté le 22-10-2014 à 16:48:59 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je souhaite effectuer mon stage à l'étranger et j'ai donc fait une lettre de motivation en conséquence. Néanmoins j'aimerais être sûr qu'il ne reste aucune faute dans le texte et c'est pourquoi je fais appel à votre aide.
Merci pour vos réponses.
Voici la lettre en question :
My name is
, I am preparing a master degree in International Purchasing and Logistic from the xxx xxx with working experience in internal logistic, and I have eagerness to bring my experience and enthusiasm to your purchasers’ team. As part of my master program, most of my classes focus on Purchasing Management, but also on specific domains where purchasing need particular knowledge, as raw materials, energy or public markets. Thus, the program provided me with a combination of theoretical and analytical tools in order to set strategic objectives and manage efficiently the portfolio of suppliers of an organization.
Before commencing my master studies, I graduated from the Technical University Institute of xxx specialized in Logistic and Industrial Management, where I had the opportunity to advance my analytical thinking and strong technical aptitude. I completed my studies with a one year apprenticeship within xxx company where I worked on process management. Thus, I was responsible of modeling an online cartography of the “Delivery Order” domain in order to share the information between all the stakeholders.
I also had the opportunity to manage an international event during my technology degree. With three co-workers we were in charge to prepare a summer school in Romania for foreign students, which consisted of buying transportation tickets, planning the schedule of the week and contacting the local companies in order to organized visits. This experience gave me a chance to increase my English level as much as it enhanced my organizational and leadership skills.
My greatest aspiration to apply is to be exposed to the various challenges and complexities as a junior purchaser and gather sufficient knowledge and expertise about the automotive industry in order to be an effective interface between needs of the company and suppliers’ offer. My eagerness is to work in a volatile environment which requires agility and problem-solving capacity and therefore, xxx appeals to me as a future workplace. I have strong theoretical foundations in supply chain management and strategic purchasing which can add value through all the steps of purchasing process. By applying the acquired knowledge from academic and working experience, my aim is to shape the current trends in the purchasing management and thus, deliver results that would bring efficiency and prosperity in the long run.
Faithfully Yours
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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-10-2014 19:18
Anonymat
Message de morizot posté le 22-10-2014 à 16:48:59 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je souhaite effectuer mon stage à l'étranger et j'ai donc fait une lettre de motivation en conséquence. Néanmoins j'aimerais être sûr qu'il ne reste aucune faute dans le texte et c'est pourquoi je fais appel à votre aide.
Merci pour vos réponses.
Voici la lettre en question :
My name is
, I am preparing a master degree in International Purchasing and Logistic from the xxx xxx with working experience in internal logistic, and I have eagerness to bring my experience and enthusiasm to your purchasers’ team. As part of my master program, most of my classes focus on Purchasing Management, but also on specific domains where purchasing need particular knowledge, as raw materials, energy or public markets. Thus, the program provided me with a combination of theoretical and analytical tools in order to set strategic objectives and manage efficiently the portfolio of suppliers of an organization.Before commencing my master studies, I graduated from the Technical University Institute of xxx specialized in Logistic and Industrial Management, where I had the opportunity to advance my analytical thinking and strong technical aptitude. I completed my studies with a one year apprenticeship within xxx company where I worked on process management. Thus, I was responsible of modeling an online cartography of the “Delivery Order” domain in order to share the information between all the stakeholders.
I also had the opportunity to manage an international event during my technology degree. With three co-workers we were in charge to prepare a summer school in Romania for foreign students, which consisted of buying transportation tickets, planning the schedule of the week and contacting the local companies in order to organized visits. This experience gave me a chance to increase my English level as much as it enhanced my organizational and leadership skills.
My greatest aspiration to apply is to be exposed to the various challenges and complexities as a junior purchaser and gather sufficient knowledge and expertise about the automotive industry in order to be an effective interface between needs of the company and suppliers’ offer. My eagerness is to work in a volatile environment which requires agility and problem-solving capacity and therefore, xxx appeals to me as a future workplace. I have strong theoretical foundations in supply chain management and strategic purchasing which can add value through all the steps of purchasing process. By applying the acquired knowledge from academic and working experience, my aim is to shape the current trends in the purchasing management and thus, deliver results that would bring efficiency and prosperity in the long run.
Faithfully Yours
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 22-10-2014 19:18
Anonymat
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de morizot, postée le 22-10-2014 à 20:18:49 (S | E)
merci d'avance
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de lucile83, postée le 23-10-2014 à 09:59:33 (S | E)
Hello
Anyone?
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de bluestar, postée le 23-10-2014 à 12:35:02 (S | E)
Hello,
My name is , I am preparing a Mmaster's degree in International Purchasing and Logistic from the xxx xxx with working experience in internal logistic, and I
Before commencing my master studies, I graduated from the Technical University Institute of xxx specialized in Logistic and Industrial Management, where I had the opportunity to advance my analytical thinking and strong technical aptitude. I completed my studies with a one year apprenticeship within xxx company where I worked on process management. Thus, I was responsible of modeling (spelling) an online cartography of the “Delivery Order” domain in order to share the information between all the stakeholders.
I also had the opportunity to manage an international event during my technology degree. With three co-workers we were in charge to prepare (of + ing form) a summer school in Romania for foreign students, which consisted of buying transportation tickets, planning the schedule of the week and contacting the local companies in order to organized visits. This experience gave me a chance to increase my English level as much as it enhanced my organizational and leadership skills.
My greatest aspiration ('incentive' would be better)to apply is to be exposed to the various challenges and complexities as a junior purchaser and gather sufficient knowledge and expertise about the automotive industry in order to be an effective interface between needs of the company and suppliers’ offer. My eagerness ('ambition' would be better) is to work in a volatile environment which requires agility and problem-solving capacity and therefore, xxx appeals to me as a future workplace. I have strong theoretical foundations in supply chain management and strategic purchasing which can add value through all the steps of purchasing process. By applying the acquired knowledge from academic and working experience, my aim is to shape
Faithfully Yours
It's a high standard of English so there's not much to correct here, but the word logistic is almost always written as a plural, I think, that is, logistics.. Anyway, I hope this helps..
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de morizot, postée le 23-10-2014 à 16:41:46 (S | E)
First I would like to thank you for your quick answer.
I just have questions about two of your corrections that i'm not sure to understand.
The first is "need" => am i supposed to just replaced it by "agreement", because the meaning of the sentence doesn't seem to be the same.
The second is about modeling. Can i use the word Spelling about the representation of a process ?
=)
Sorry for the eventual mistakes I wrote it fast
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de bluestar, postée le 23-10-2014 à 16:50:56 (S | E)
Hello,
Sorry, I see I have misled you. I put 'agreement' after 'need' because the verb needs to be in agreement with the noun , 'purchasing', which is singular. 'Need' is the plural form.
Similarly, "spelling" means you should check the spelling of the word indicated. In this case, 'modelling' has two ls, not one.
By the way, always use a capital I for the first person singular and never i. Some students seem to regard it as an optional extra, but it's not!
Regards,
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de morizot, postée le 23-10-2014 à 16:54:50 (S | E)
Hello once again, thank you for your help, now everything is cristal clear in my mind
thank you very much
Morizot
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de morizot, postée le 23-10-2014 à 17:02:54 (S | E)
Sorry I have a last question for you
This is a "candidature spontanée" for a purchasing service
Should I say at the top of my letter
Object : Spontaneous application for a junior purchaser internship ?
Réponse: Correction/lettre motivation de bluestar, postée le 23-10-2014 à 17:23:14 (S | E)
Hello,
I assume you are writing to a British company here? I doubt if British companies are familiar with 'Spontaneous Applications' and so may be inclined to disregard anything unfamiliar...Being no expert on this I looked at the Internet for guidance, and found that other adjectives besides 'spontaneous' have been offered for this type of application, including 'speculative' and 'unsolicited'..I think all of them have undesirable connotations of one kind or another, so I would prefer a neutral word like 'open' - so "Junior Purchaser Internship - Open Application". But I hope you can get a more informed opinion than mine..
Regards,
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