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dialogue à corriger
Message de shakis posté le 27-09-2005 à 16:28:36 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour,
Voici un dialogue que j'ai écrit et que j'aurais aimé que l'on me corrige.
Le contexte : Gatsby est un homme riche qui organise beaucoup de fêtes chez lui mais qui n'y est jamais présent. Voici le dialogue entre plusieurs personnes qui discutent à propos de Gatsby et font des commérages.
Pourriez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait? Merci d'avance.
"Sometimes when I look to his house, or rather his palace, I see him, alone. He is standing there, staring into space. In my opinion he feels guilty for something."
"That's what I was saying ! He killed someone! He has blood on his hands..."
"It's so exciting ! I would like to see him!"
"...he has killed someone and now he regrets and wants to repent of having commited a fault. [il a tué quelqu'un et maintenant il regrette et veut se repentir d'avoir commit une faute]. He trows money away so that we don't suspect this."
"What saturnine man!" [quel homme ténébreux!]
"Maybe he organizes parties to find a new victim. He stays crouching in the darkness (/shadow?) and at the first opportunity he sets about someone. Moreover I don't have seen Marie Lampin for a few minutes..."
"I'm sure that she is well, don't worry. I have been informed by a reliable source that he met Joe Carlton."
"Joe Carlton? Isn't he a lawyer? There is definitely something wrong."
"You go the wrong way. You have groundless because I'm sure he has nothing dishoresty. Maybe he loved a woman who has break his hearth and now she reclaims money from him. That is why he met a lawyer. And he feels so ashamed that he prefers hide from us. He is to be pitted."
"Either he is guilty or victim, but in all the cases he shouldn't make speak about him [ici j'ai une traduction littérale car je n'ai pas trouvé comment dire "dans tous les cas il ne devrait pas faire autant parler de lui"].
Meanwhile, this is great fun ! But...where did you have buy your shoes? They are splendid!..."
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Edité par marie37400 le 28-09-2005 11:27
Message de shakis posté le 27-09-2005 à 16:28:36 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour,
Voici un dialogue que j'ai écrit et que j'aurais aimé que l'on me corrige.
Le contexte : Gatsby est un homme riche qui organise beaucoup de fêtes chez lui mais qui n'y est jamais présent. Voici le dialogue entre plusieurs personnes qui discutent à propos de Gatsby et font des commérages.
Pourriez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait? Merci d'avance.
"Sometimes when I look to his house, or rather his palace, I see him, alone. He is standing there, staring into space. In my opinion he feels guilty for something."
"That's what I was saying ! He killed someone! He has blood on his hands..."
"It's so exciting ! I would like to see him!"
"...he has killed someone and now he regrets and wants to repent of having commited a fault. [il a tué quelqu'un et maintenant il regrette et veut se repentir d'avoir commit une faute]. He trows money away so that we don't suspect this."
"What saturnine man!" [quel homme ténébreux!]
"Maybe he organizes parties to find a new victim. He stays crouching in the darkness (/shadow?) and at the first opportunity he sets about someone. Moreover I don't have seen Marie Lampin for a few minutes..."
"I'm sure that she is well, don't worry. I have been informed by a reliable source that he met Joe Carlton."
"Joe Carlton? Isn't he a lawyer? There is definitely something wrong."
"You go the wrong way. You have groundless because I'm sure he has nothing dishoresty. Maybe he loved a woman who has break his hearth and now she reclaims money from him. That is why he met a lawyer. And he feels so ashamed that he prefers hide from us. He is to be pitted."
"Either he is guilty or victim, but in all the cases he shouldn't make speak about him [ici j'ai une traduction littérale car je n'ai pas trouvé comment dire "dans tous les cas il ne devrait pas faire autant parler de lui"].
Meanwhile, this is great fun ! But...where did you have buy your shoes? They are splendid!..."
-------------------
Edité par marie37400 le 28-09-2005 11:27
Réponse: dialogue à corriger de ourimba, postée le 27-09-2005 à 18:28:52 (S | E)
Salut shakis,
Tu as fait très bien. Félicitations ! Il y a beaucoup des phrases difficile ici. Voici des idées pour améliorer ce dialogue…
"Sometimes when I watch his house, or rather his palace, I see him, alone. He is standing there, staring into space. It looks like he feels guilty for something."
"That's what I was saying ! He killed someone! He’s got blood on his hands..."
"It's so exciting ! I would like to see him!"
"...he killed someone and now he regrets it and wants to repent for having made such a mistake. He throws money away so that we wont suspect him."
"What a disturbed man!" [quel homme ténébreux! Are you trying to indicate that he is mentally deranged (disturbed), or that he is deeply unhappy (gloomy/dark) – I went with deranged
]"Perhaps he organizes parties to find a new victim. He stays crouching in the shadows and at the first opportunity he goes after someone. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Marie Lampin for a few minutes..."
"I'm sure she's fine, don't worry. I was informed by a reliable source that she met Joe Carlton." [did Marie meet Joe? If so, the pronoun should be “she”]
"Joe Carlton? Isn't he a lawyer? There’s definitely something wrong."
"You’ve got the wrong idea. You don’t have any grounds for thinking that. I'm sure he hasn’t done anything dishonest. Maybe he just loved a woman who broke his heart and now she’s after his money. That’s why he's meeting his lawyer, and why he feels so ashamed that he prefers to hide from us. I feel sorry for him.
"Either he is guilty or a victim, but in any case we shouldn’t be talking about him. Anyway, this is a fun party! Hey! Where did you buy your shoes? They are splendid!..."
Réponse: dialogue à corriger de shakis, postée le 27-09-2005 à 18:52:23 (S | E)
merci! Je ne pensais pas recevoir une telle correction !
Je vais voir tout ça...Encore merci ! Et bonne soirée
Réponse: dialogue à corriger de yassine2005, postée le 27-09-2005 à 23:36:19 (S | E)
Réponse: dialogue à corriger de shakis, postée le 28-09-2005 à 18:50:35 (S | E)
qu'est ce que ça veut dire?
INDISPENSABLES : 