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Message de thomas1906 posté le 11-04-2018 à 21:01:19 (S | E | F)
Dans le cadre du Bac, je dois présenter des synthèses de notion et voici l'une d'entre elles.
J'aimerais que l'un d'entre vous me montre mes erreurs afin de les comprendre et de les corriger. Je sais que cela va vous prendre un certain temps, c'est pourquoi je remercie sincèrement celui/celle qui effectuera cette tâche.
Voici mon texte :
The notion I'm going to deal with is myths and heroes. A myth is based on founding stories, with common landmarks and shared values. Moreover all societies depend on heroic people who inspire people. To illustrate this notion, I would like to speak about the city of San Francisco, a city which has always attracted people. We can wonder if is it a legendary city ?
I would like to answer this question : Is medical progress always a good thing ?
First, I will speak about the legendary elements wich make San Francisco a unique city ? Then, we will see that San Francisco has given birth to myhical landmarks in the USA but also in the whole world. And finally we will show that San Francisco is connected to amazing changes.
In a first phase, I would like to emphasize that San Francisco is an iconic city.
First, there are particular buildings typical of this town, for example the Golden Gate Bridge. Around this bridge, well known, it is foggy and cloudy. So the atmosphere is weird.
In addition, the city houses typical discricts, for instance, China Town. It is the oldest China Town. Also it is the most prominent centre of chinese activity outside China.
Besides, San Francisco is the capital of extraordinary events. The city was completely destroyed in 1906 by a earthquake. And yet San Francisco could stand up again rapidly like the Phoenix wich was born again from ists ashes. We can almost say that San Francisco is a heroic figure, the symbol of the whole USA.
Firstly, the town is connected to the destiny of the USA, its fortune and power. In the middle of the 19th , gold was discovered in San Francisco. Immedialely thousands of men arrived to become gold-diggers. Many people started from scratches and became rich. The city seems to make several myths alive and true : the myth of the self-made man and the myth of the American Dream.
Moreover, San Francisco is the birthplace of the most popular clothes in the world, for example blue jeans created by Levis Strauss. Therefore we can say that San Francisco is a mythical city but also a city where incredible social changes are possible.
First of all, San Francisco houses a will for brotherhood, peace and love. In the beginning of the 70's, hippies advocated novelty change, and experimentations of all kinds.
Also, the city is a sanctuary for minorities, in particular gay people. Most of inhabitants are simple and understanding. Harvey Milk became the first openly gay man to be appointed as a mayor. This appointment was a huge step.
Finally, there are problems connected to San Francisco, in the past during the Gold Rush with criminality, violence and prostitution. There is social problems today, for example the unemployment rate is very high.
To conclude, San Francisco may appear as any other city, with a lot of problems, in particular social problems. However, it embodies a certain number of myths, like the American dream and the self made man and hosts iconic places and extraordinary people.
Personally, I think I could live in San Francisco for its special atmosphere and of course its beaches and its climate.
Modifié par lucile83 le 11-04-2018 21:33
Réponse : Mythes et héros/synthèse de laure95, postée le 12-04-2018 à 12:08:32 (S | E)
- Moreover all societies depend on heroic people who inspire (ajouter other) people.
- We can wonder if is it a legendary city ?: question indirecte: if + sujet + verbe conjugué + complément et enlever le point d'interrogation.
- wich (orthographe) make San Francisco a unique city ? (pas de point d'interrogation)
- myhical: ?
- And (pas de and)finally we will show that San Francisco is connected to amazing changes.
- Around this bridge, well (tiret) known,
- the city houses typical discricts: ?
- chinese: majuscule.
- a earthquake: a + mot commençant par une consonne.
- And yet San Francisco could (pas le bon mot ici) stand up again rapidly
- ists: ?
- In the middle of the 19th (il manque un mot)
- The city seems to make (mettre au passa)several myths alive and true
- San Francisco houses a will for brotherhood, peace and love:?
- In (pas la bonne préposition) the beginning of the 70's,
- hippies advocated novelty change (pluriel)
- Most of (article)inhabitants are simple and understanding.
- There is social problems: there is + singulier.
Good job and a good English level!
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