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Correction/ oral Bac

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/ oral Bac
Message de amiraalg posté le 23-04-2018 à 00:59:11 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je suis en Terminale ES et voici mon oral d'anglais pour le Bac rédigé concernant la notion "idea of progress".
J'aurais aimé avoir des avis et une correction si cela est possible.
Merci pour vos réponses.

I am going to talk about the notion of progress. First of all, I would like to give a quick definition of that notion. So, the idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change like a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. In order to illustrate this notion, we can talk about some documents I studied in class and related to feminism. Therefore, we can wonder to what extent social progress over the past century has led to an improvement in women’s rights?  In a first part, we will be concerned with women’s struggle for the right to vote, then we will look at their fighting for an equal pay with men and finally, we’ll highlight that this fight, despite a clear move, is far from over. 

The first document is in fact some extracts of a movie entitled « Suffragette » which focuses on women who decided to fight to get the vote in England, in the early 20th century. Indeed, before the end of the 19th century, women were inferior to men and it was normal for everyone. Consequently, they founded a movement named « Suffragette » which seeks to defend women’s rights by requesting the right to vote. These women had seen peaceful protest achieve nothing because the British government refused to support them. In response to this, a committed suffragette, Emmeline Pankhurst decided in 1903, to defy the government violently so as to be heard, realizing that was the only route to change.. Indeed, with the film, the director wants to underline that suffragettes were prepared to go to extreme lengths to have their voices heard: They organized riots, chained themselves to railings, put fire to buildings… Many were sent to prison for the participation in such demonstrations but they continued to fight by embarking on a hunger strike. It was also a failure because they were force fed. They were also willing to lose everything in their fight for equality, even life like Emily Davison who ran in front of the King’s horse in 1913. The 1st World War marked a turning point in this struggle because it enabled women to show that they could take men’s places and do the same job. Mentalities evolved so much so that in 1918, an Act of parliament allowed women over 30 the right to vote. It would take a further 10 years to abolish the age qualification. 
By fighting and making sacrifices, these women contributed to a social advance but it’s important not to forget that gaining the right to vote is just a first step in the quest of equality. Actually, women must have to keep fighting to allow progress to move forward. 

Then, extracts from the movie « Made in Dagenham » show us that women were discriminated in the second half of the 20th century because, they were less paid than men for an equivalent job. Indeed, it depicts the first labor strike of the auto plant Ford in London and negotiations that their leaders led to get equal pay for men and women. We can see that Rita, their spokeswoman and the leader of the strike tries to convince the Secretary of State for Employment, Mrs Castle, to guarantee an Equal Pay Act because, according to her, a woman's salary should amount to 90% of a man's salary. At first, she’s reluctant and suggests them 75% under the condition that the women go back to work and said that workers will have to be patient because big issues were still in the hands of men.. Rita absolutely refuses and finally they get 92% of the man’s wages. We’ll have to wait 1970 so that the Equal Pay Act was voted. During the 20th century, we are seeing the establishment of other social reforms which have aimed to put men and women on an equal footing, like the authorization of contraceptive pills, the abortion act in 1967 and others. It makes us realize that the society has evolved significantly since the begging of the 20th century and women have obtained several laws in their favor.

Even nowadays, there are still prejudices and discrimination against women. This is highlighted on an advertisement we have seen in class which describes people including women and children who are asked to do something like a girl. The adults pretend to act like a girl by waving hands or flipping hair. However, young girls act out athletic and make no differences between running like a girl or a boy. This advertisement emphasizes that girls lose their self-confidence during adolescence because of prejudices which make them believe that they don’t have to be proud of being a girl. We can also give the example of a campaign which was created by the United Nations named HeForShe and which is intended to involve men in the fight against gender inequality. Emma Watson delivered a speech for this campaign, using example of her life and said that women starting dropping out of their sports team because they didn't want appear «muscly» and she affirms that it's right that women should be able the decisions about their own body.
Those documents were made to raise people’s awareness about current social inequalities between men and women. I totally agree with the idea that although the status of women has evolved, new challenges have emerged, the society impose limits which shoudn't reason to exist and many people especially men, don’t realize that it’s an important and serious cause.

To conclude, we must acknowledge that the struggle for gender equality has contributed to an improvement in women’s rights and mentalities have evolved since the 1900s. But today, too many people think that the world doesn’t need to evolve more in social terms, and the only progress that we need today is in sciences. But they are wrong because it remains today a lot of injustice. The society has changed and progressed but we should keep in mind that this progress is not complete and even today; women have to fight by creating associations and campaigns to make their voices heard.


-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-04-2018 08:11



Réponse : Correction/ oral Bac de gerondif, postée le 24-04-2018 à 19:06:13 (S | E)
Ce sujet fait double emploi avec votre myths and heroes récemment posté ou du moins, il y ressemble.

I am going to talk about the notion of progress. First of all, I would like to give a quick definition of that notion. So, the idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change like a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. In order to illustrate this notion, we can talk about some documents I studied in class and related to feminism. Therefore(ce par conséquent ne s'appuie sur rien), we can wonder to what extent social progress over the past century has led to an improvement in women’s rights? In a first part, we will be concerned with women’s struggle for the right to vote, then we will look at their fighting for an equal pay with men and finally, we’ll highlight that this fight, despite a clear move, is far from over.

The first document is in fact some extracts of a movie entitled « Suffragette » which focuses on women who decided to fight to get the vote in England, in the early 20th century. Indeed, before the end of the 19th century, women were considered inferior to men and it was normal for everyone. Consequently, they founded a movement named « Suffragette » which seeks(prétérit) to defend women’s rights by requesting the right to vote. These women had seen peaceful protest achieve nothing because the British government refused to support them. In response to this, a committed suffragette, Emmeline Pankhurst decided in 1903, to defy the government violently so as to be heard, realizing that was the only route to change.. Indeed, with the film, the director wants to underline that suffragettes were prepared to go to extreme lengths to have their voices heard: They organized riots, chained themselves to railings, put fire to buildings… Many were sent to prison for the participation in such demonstrations but they continued to fight by embarking on a hunger strike. It was also a failure because they were force fed (j'aurais dit fed by force). They were also willing to lose everything in their fight for equality, even life like Emily Davison who ran in front of the King’s horse in 1913. The 1st World War marked a turning point in this struggle because it enabled women to show that they could take men’s places and do the same job. Mentalities evolved so much so that in 1918, an Act of parliament allowed women over 30 the right to vote. It would take a further 10 years to abolish the age qualification.
By fighting and making sacrifices, these women contributed to a social advance but it’s important not to forget that gaining the right to vote is just a first step in the quest of equality. Actually, women must have to(soit must, soit have to mais pas les deux) keep fighting to allow progress to move forward.

Then, extracts from the movie « Made in Dagenham » show us that women were discriminated against in the second half of the 20th century because, they were less paid than men for an equivalent job. Indeed, it depicts the first labor strike of the auto plant Ford in London and negotiations that their leaders led to get equal pay for men and women. We can see that Rita, their spokeswoman and the leader of the strike tries to convince the Secretary of State for Employment, Mrs Castle, to guarantee an Equal Pay Act because, according to her, a woman's salary should amount to 90% of a man's salary. At first, she’s reluctant and suggests them 75% under the condition that the women go back to work and said that workers will have to be patient because big issues were still in the hands of men.. Rita absolutely refuses and finally they get 92% of the men’s wages. We’ll have to wait 1970 so that the Equal Pay Act was(erreur de concordance de temps) voted. During the 20th century, we are seeing(maladroit) the establishment of other social reforms which have aimed to put men and women on an equal footing, like the authorization of contraceptive pills, the abortion act in 1967 and others. It makes us realize that the society has evolved significantly since the begging of the 20th century and women have obtained several laws in their favor.

Even nowadays, there are still prejudices and discrimination against women. This is highlighted on an advertisement we have seen in class which describes people including women and children who are asked to do something like a girl. The adults pretend to act like a girl by waving hands or flipping hair. However, young girls act out athletic and make no differences between running like a girl or a boy. This advertisement emphasizes that girls lose their self-confidence during adolescence because of prejudices which make them believe that they don’t have to be proud of being a girl. We can also give the example of a campaign which was created by the United Nations named HeForShe and which is intended to involve men in the fight against gender inequality. Emma Watson delivered a speech for this campaign, using example of her life and said that women starting dropping out of their sports team because they didn't want to appear «muscly» and she affirms that it's right that women should be able (manque un verbe, capable de quoi faire?)the decisions about their own body.
Those documents were made to raise people’s awareness about current social inequalities between men and women. I totally agree with the idea that although the status of women has evolved, new challenges have emerged, the society impose(le s du présent) limits which shoudn't reason(mal dit et mal écrit) to exist and many people especially men, don’t realize that it’s an important and serious cause.

To conclude, we must acknowledge that the struggle for gender equality has contributed to an improvement in women’s rights and mentalities have evolved since the 1900s. But today, too many people think that the world doesn’t need to evolve more in social terms, and the only progress that we need today is in sciences. But they are wrong because it remains(mal dit, le it est faux) today a lot of injustice. The society has changed and progressed but we should keep in mind that this progress is not complete and even today, women have to fight by creating associations and campaigns to make their voices heard.







Réponse : Correction/ oral Bac de amiraalg, postée le 26-04-2018 à 00:42:39 (S | E)
Voici les corrections faites, qu'en pensez-vous ? Et j'aimerais savoir si, selon vous, la ressemblance de mes deux oraux pourrait être gênante.

I am going to talk about the notion of progress. First of all, I would like to give a quick definition of that notion. So, the idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change like a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. In order to illustrate this notion, we can talk about some documents I studied in class and related to feminism. So, we can wonder to what extent social progress over the past century has led to an improvement in women’s rights? In a first part, we will be concerned with women’s struggle for the right to vote, then we will look at their fighting for an equal pay with men and finally, we’ll highlight that this fight, despite a clear move, is far from over.

The first document is in fact some extracts of a movie entitled « Suffragette » which focuses on women who decided to fight to get the vote in England, in the early 20th century. Indeed, before the end of the 19th century, women were considered inferior to men and it was normal for everyone. Consequently, they founded a movement named « Suffragette » which sought to defend women’s rights by requesting the right to vote. These women had seen peaceful protest achieve nothing because the British government refused to support them. In response to this, a committed suffragette, Emmeline Pankhurst decided in 1903, to defy the government violently so as to be heard, realizing that was the only route to change.. Indeed, with the film, the director wants to underline that suffragettes were prepared to go to extreme lengths to have their voices heard: They organized riots, chained themselves to railings, put fire to buildings… Many were sent to prison for the participation in such demonstrations but they continued to fight by embarking on a hunger strike. It was also a failure because they were forced fed. They were also willing to lose everything in their fight for equality, even life like Emily Davison who ran in front of the King’s horse in 1913. The 1st World War marked a turning point in this struggle because it enabled women to show that they could take men’s places and do the same job. Mentalities evolved so much so that in 1918, an Act of parliament allowed women over 30 the right to vote. It would take a further 10 years to abolish the age qualification.
By fighting and making sacrifices, these women contributed to a social advance but it’s important not to forget that gaining the right to vote is just a first step in the quest of equality. Actually, women have to keep fighting to allow progress to move forward.

Then, extracts from the movie « Made in Dagenham » show us that women were discriminated against in the second half of the 20th century because, they were less paid than men for an equivalent job. Indeed, it depicts the first labor strike of the auto plant Ford in London and negotiations that their leaders led to get equal pay for men and women. We can see that Rita, their spokeswoman and the leader of the strike tries to convince the Secretary of State for Employment, Mrs Castle, to guarantee an Equal Pay Act because, according to her, a woman's salary should amount to 90% of a man's salary. At first, she’s reluctant and suggests them 75% under the condition that the women go back to work and said that workers will have to be patient because big issues were still in the hands of men.. Rita absolutely refuses and finally they get 92% of the men’s wages. We’ll have to wait 1970 so that the Equal Pay Act be voted. During the 20th century, we have seen the establishment of other social reforms which aimed to put men and women on an equal footing, like the authorization of contraceptive pills, the abortion act in 1967 and others. It makes us realize that society has evolved significantly since the beginning of the 20th century and women have obtained several laws in their favor.

Even nowadays, there are still prejudices and discrimination against women. This is highlighted on an advertisement we have seen in class which describes people including women and children who are asked to do something like a girl. The adults pretend to act like a girl by waving hands or flipping hair. However, young girls act out athletic and make no differences between running like a girl or a boy. This advertisement emphasizes that girls lose their self-confidence during adolescence because of prejudices which make them believe that they don’t have to be proud of being a girl. We can also give the example of a campaign which was created by the United Nations named HeForShe and which is intended to involve men in the fight against gender inequality.
Emma Watson delivered a speech for this campaign, using example of her life and said that women starting dropping out of their sports team because they didn't want to appear «muscly» (je n'ai fait que citer le discours de Emma Watson, en ce sens je ne vois pas ce qui est gênant) and she affirms that it's right that women should be able to take decisions about their own body. Those documents were made to raise people’s awareness about current social inequalities between men and women. I totally agree with the idea that although the status of women has evolved, new challenges have emerged, the society imposes limits that should not exist and many people especially men, don’t realize that it’s an important and serious cause.

To conclude, we must acknowledge that the struggle for gender equality has contributed to an improvement in women’s rights and mentalities have evolved since the 1900s. But today, too many people think that the world doesn’t need to evolve more in social terms, and the only progress that we need today is in sciences. But they are wrong because today, there are still a lot of injustice. The society has changed and progressed but we should keep in mind that this progress is not complete and even today, women have to fight by creating associations and campaigns to make their voices heard.




Réponse : Correction/ oral Bac de gerondif, postée le 26-04-2018 à 14:16:47 (S | E)
Bonjour
Quand vous passez sur une notion, personne ne sait ce que vous aviez mis dans les autres, donc il n'y a pas de problème là-dessus.

I am going to talk about the notion of progress. First of all, I would like to give a quick definition of that notion. So, the idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change, like a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. In order to illustrate this notion, we can talk about some documents I studied in class (and) related to feminism. So (vous plantez beaucoup de so...), we can wonder to what extent social progress over the past century has led to an improvement in women’s rights? In a first part, we will be concerned with women’s struggle for the right to vote, then we will look at their fighting for an equal pay with men and finally, we’ll highlight that this fight, despite a clear move, is far from over.

The first document is in fact some extracts of a movie entitled « Suffragette » which focuses on women who decided to fight to get the vote in England, in the early 20th century. Indeed, before the end of the 19th century, women were considered inferior to men and it was normal for everyone. Consequently, they founded a movement named « Suffragette » which sought to defend women’s rights by requesting the right to vote. These women had seen peaceful protest achieve nothing because the British government refused to support them. In response to this, a committed suffragette, Emmeline Pankhurst decided in 1903, to defy the government violently so as to be heard, realizing that was the only route to change.. Indeed, with the film, the director wants to underline that suffragettes were prepared to go to extreme lengths to have their voices heard: They organized riots, chained themselves to railings, put fire to buildings… Many were sent to prison for the participation in such demonstrations but they continued to fight by embarking on a hunger strike. It was also a failure because they were forced fed. They were also willing to lose everything in their fight for equality, even life like Emily Davison who ran in front of the King’s horse in 1913 (ah, dans l'autre texte, c'était devant une course de chevaux...). The 1st World War marked a turning point in this struggle because it enabled women to show that they could take men’s places and do the same job. Mentalities evolved so much so that in 1918, an Act of parliament allowed women over 30 the right to vote. It would take a further 10 years to abolish the age qualification.
By fighting and making sacrifices, these women contributed to a social advance but it’s important not to forget that gaining the right to vote is just a first step in the quest of(for) equality. Actually(signifie en réalité et non pas actuellement), women have to keep fighting to allow progress to move forward.

Then, extracts from the movie « Made in Dagenham » show us that women were discriminated against in the second half of the 20th century because, they were less paid than men for an equivalent job. Indeed, it depicts the first labor strike of the auto plant Ford in London and negotiations that their leaders led to get equal pay for men and women. We can see that Rita, their spokeswoman and the leader of the strike tries to convince the Secretary of State for Employment, Mrs Castle, to guarantee an Equal Pay Act because, according to her, a woman's salary should amount to 90% of a man's salary. At first, she’s reluctant and suggests them 75% under the condition that the women go back to work and said that workers will have to be patient because big issues were still in the hands of men.. Rita absolutely refuses and finally they get 92% of the men’s wages. We’ll have to wait 1970 so that(before) the Equal Pay Act be(is) voted. During the 20th century, we have seen (plutôt un prétérit) the establishment of other social reforms which aimed to put men and women on an equal footing, like the authorization of contraceptive pills, the abortion act in 1967 and others. It makes us realize that society has evolved significantly since the beginning of the 20th century and women have obtained several laws in their favor.

Even nowadays, there are still prejudices and discrimination against women. This is highlighted on(in) an advertisement we have seen (plutôt un prétérit) in class which describes people including women and children who are asked to do something like a girl. The adults pretend to act like a girl by waving hands or flipping hair. However, young girls act out athletic and make no differences between running like a girl or a boy. This advertisement emphasizes that girls lose their self-confidence during adolescence because of prejudices which make them believe that they don’t have to be proud of being a girl. We can also give the example of a campaign which was created by the United Nations named HeForShe and which is intended to involve men in the fight against gender inequality.
Emma Watson delivered a speech for this campaign, using the example of her own life and said that women starting(prétérit) dropping out of their sports team because they didn't want to appear «muscly» (ok, je pensais à muscular mais je vois que muscly existe) and she affirms that it's right that women should be able to take(to make a decision) decisions about their own body. Those documents were made to raise people’s awareness about current social inequalities between men and women. I totally agree with the idea that although the status of women has evolved, new challenges have emerged, the society imposes limits that should not exist and many people especially men, don’t realize that it’s an important and serious cause.

To conclude, we must acknowledge that the struggle for gender equality has contributed to an improvement in women’s rights and mentalities have evolved since the 1900s. But today, too many people think that the world doesn’t need to evolve more in social terms, and that the only progress that we need today is in sciences. But they are wrong because today, there are(injustice n'est pas pluriel) still a lot of injustice. The society has changed and progressed but we should keep in mind that this progress is not complete and even today, women have to fight by creating associations and campaigns to make their voices heard.



Réponse : Correction/ oral Bac de amiraalg, postée le 26-04-2018 à 23:57:16 (S | E)
Voici mon texte auquel j'ai apporté les dernières corrections:

I am going to talk about the notion of progress. First of all, I would like to give a quick definition of that notion. So, the idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change, like a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place. In order to illustrate this notion, we can talk about some documents I studied in class and related to feminism. We can wonder to what extent social progress over the past century has led to an improvement in women’s rights. In a first part, we will be concerned with women’s struggle for the right to vote, then we will look at their fighting for an equal pay with men and finally, we’ll highlight that this fight, despite a clear move, is far from over.

The first document is in fact some extracts of a movie entitled « Suffragette » which focuses on women who decided to fight to get the vote in England, in the early 20th century. Indeed, before the end of the 19th century, women were considered inferior to men and it was normal for everyone. Consequently, they founded a movement named « Suffragette » which sought to defend women’s rights by requesting the right to vote. These women had seen peaceful protest achieve nothing because the British government refused to support them. In response to this, a committed suffragette, Emmeline Pankhurst decided in 1903, to defy the government violently so as to be heard, realizing that was the only route to change.. Indeed, with the film, the director wants to underline that suffragettes were prepared to go to extreme lengths to have their voices heard: They organized riots, chained themselves to railings, put fire to buildings… Many were sent to prison for their participation to such demonstrations but they continued to fight by embarking on a hunger strike. It was also a failure because they were force fed. They were also willing to lose everything in their fight for equality, even life like Emily Davison who ran in front of the King’s horse in 1913. The 1st World War marked a turning point in this struggle because it enabled women to show that they could take men’s places and do the same job. Mentalities evolved so much so that in 1918, an Act of parliament allowed women over 30 the right to vote. It would take a further 10 years to abolish the age qualification.
By fighting and making sacrifices, these women contributed to a social advance but it’s important not to forget that gaining the right to vote is just a first step in the quest for equality. Consequently, women have to keep fighting to allow progress to move forward.

Then, extracts from the movie « Made in Dagenham » show us that women were discriminated against in the second half of the 20th century because, they were less paid than men for an equivalent job. Indeed, it depicts the first labor strike of the auto plant Ford in London and negotiations that their leaders led to get equal pay for men and women. We can see that Rita, their spokeswoman and the leader of the strike tries to convince the Secretary of State for Employment, Mrs Castle, to guarantee an Equal Pay Act because, according to her, a woman's salary should amount to 90% of a man's salary. At first, she’s reluctant and suggests them 75% under the condition that the women go back to work and said that workers will have to be patient because big issues were still in the hands of men.. Rita absolutely refuses and finally they get 92% of the men’s wages. We’ll have to wait 1970 before the Equal Pay Act is voted. During the 20th century, we saw the establishment of other social reforms which aimed to put men and women on an equal footing, like the authorization of contraceptive pills, the abortion act in 1967 and others. It makes us realize that society has evolved significantly since the beginning of the 20th century and women have obtained several laws in their favor.

Even nowadays, there are still prejudices and discrimination against women. This is highlighted in an advertisement we saw in class which describes people including women and children who are asked to do something like a girl. The adults pretend to act like a girl by waving hands or flipping hair. However, young girls act out athletic and make no differences between running like a girl or a boy. This advertisement emphasizes that girls lose their self-confidence during adolescence because of prejudices which make them believe that they don’t have to be proud of being a girl. We can also give the example of a campaign which was created by the United Nations named HeForShe and which is intended to involve men in the fight against gender inequality.
Emma Watson delivered a speech for this campaign, using the example of her own life and said that women started dropping out of their sports team because they didn't want to appear «muscly» and she affirms that it's right that women should be able to make decisions about their own body. Those documents were made to raise people’s awareness about current social inequalities between men and women. I totally agree with the idea that although the status of women has evolved, new challenges have emerged, the society imposes limits that should not exist and many people especially men, don’t realize that it’s an important and serious cause.

To conclude, we must acknowledge that the struggle for gender equality has contributed to an improvement in women’s rights and mentalities have evolved since the 1900s. But today, too many people think that the world doesn’t need to evolve more in social terms, and that the only progress that we need today is in sciences. But they are wrong because today, there is still a lot of injustice. The society has changed and progressed but we should keep in mind that this progress is not complete and even today, women have to fight by creating associations and campaigns to make their voices heard.

Comme pour l'autre texte, je vous remercie d'avoir eu la gentillesse de me corriger et de m'aider.



Réponse : Correction/ oral Bac de gerondif, postée le 27-04-2018 à 00:36:21 (S | E)
we can talk about some documents I studied in class and related to feminism.
plutôt : we can talk about some documents related to feminism which I studied in class.

The(à ôter) society has changed and progressed but we should keep in mind that this progress is not complete




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