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Correction/ résumé

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/ résumé
Message de dbdyfr35 posté le 29-05-2018 à 09:52:05 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous et à toutes! à toutes et à tous,
Je dois rendre un résumé en anglais pour ma formation, et j'aimerais savoir si ce que j'ai fait est correct ou s'il y a (beaucoup?) de fautes. Par souci de confidentialité j'ai retiré plusieurs informations qui ne nuisent pas à la compréhension.

Voici mon résumé:

In order to complete my studies in networks and systems, I decided to do a Bachelor’s Degree in RIMS at the University Institute of Technology of xxx. Knowing that a sandwich course program would give me practical experience working with others in the field of network and systems administration, I was fortunate to have obtained a position working as a provider on a xxx’s project in .

The xxx’s project is a highly efficient, but there were some things that I was asked to work on. Our main mission was the Helpdesk of ’s project. In order to address the tasks mentioned above, I worked on several things: I provided end user support for requests and incidents, I was asked to optimize certain functions by creating scripts to automate some tasks, and then was asked to teach these to my team with booklets and presentations. I managed computers, servers and network equipments like servers or switches thanks to management tools as Centreon, mRemote, Avitice, and I joined several Linux machines to the Windows domain of the project to ease the process of authentication of the administrators’ team on Linux machines. I also worked on spare servers and machines to create my own Windows domain and try several things with Linux and Windows machines to increase my skills on Windows Server.

I am very thankful to have had the opportunity to work as a xxx provider on the xxx’s project. It taught me a lot of things, I was given many projects to work on and problems to resolve which boosted my confidence knowing that my employer trusted me and my judgment to make sound decisions for them. I look optimistically forward to a future as a Systems and Networks administrator.

Est-ce que vous voyez des choses importantes à corriger, est-ce assez compréhensible?
Merci d'avance pour votre aide!

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-05-2018 11:43


Réponse : Correction/ résumé de gerondif, postée le 29-05-2018 à 11:24:06 (S | E)
Bonjour
erreurs en bleu

In order to complete my studies in networks and systems, I decided to do a Bachelor’s Degree in RIMS at the University Institute of Technology of . Knowing that a sandwich course program would give me practical experience working with others in the field of network and systems administration, I was fortunate to have obtained(mettre l'infinitif normal ) a position working as a provider on a ’s(bizarre d'avoir à la fois a et 's ! I am in a room in his room, in John's room; Le possesseur prend la place de l'article. I am working on a project, on a data project (nom composé, pas de 's) project in .

The ’s(m^me chose, the et 's ne vont pas ensemble) project is a highly efficient (alors s'il y a a, il manque un nom, si vous enlevez a, les adjectifs attributs conviennent), but there were some things (maladroit) that I was asked to work on. Our main mission was the Helpdesk of ’s project. In order to address the tasks mentioned above, I worked on several things (maladroit): I provided end user support for requests and incidents, I was asked to optimize certain functions by creating scripts to automate some tasks, and then was asked to teach these to my team with booklets and presentations. I managed computers, servers and network equipments like (such as) servers or switches thanks to management tools as like Centreon, mRemote, Avitice, and I joined several Linux machines to the Windows domain of the project to ease the process of authentication of the administrators’ team on Linux machines. I also worked on spare servers and machines to create my own Windows domain and try several things with Linux and Windows machines to increase my skills on Windows Server.

I am very thankful to have had (for having) the opportunity to work as a provider on the ’s project. It taught me a lot of things (maladroit), I was given many projects to work on and problems to (re)solve which boosted my confidence knowing that my employer trusted me and my judgment to make sound decisions for them. I look optimistically forward to a future as a Systems and Networks administrator.




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