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Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Message de pauline1835 posté le 11-05-2019 à 10:29:21 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je suis en terminale au CNED et je n'ai personne pour me relire dans mon entourage.
est-ce que vous pouvez relire mon dernier texte et me dire s'il y a des fautes de grammaire ou que ce n'est pas compréhensible?
Merci beaucoup!

The notion I’m going to deal with is the idea of progress. It can illustrate the topic India, an emerging country with a big contrast between the poverty and their well-developed part.
Here, the progress can be defined as a social improvement which contributes to making the country a better place.
The problematic is how India is a country of contradiction of progress?
To answer this question, I would like to talk about 3 documents: a picture, an article and an excerpt.
First, I’m going to introduce India and its contradictions.
Secondly, I’m going to illustrate these contradictions with the picture "Chowpatty beach at sunset"
Finally, I show you the change of the country with the article « Changing India »

First, India is a country in South Asia who is the second-most populous country with over 1.2 billion people. It is one of the fastest growing economies in the world and is developing rapidly with the industry of high technology. However, despite of this industrialization, India is a country very unequal where much of the population lives in high poverty. One of the most important problem in India is the cast system. Dalits or “Untouchables” are suffered discrimination, are outcasts and has no access to real progress.
India is the land of contradictions and inequalities. On one hand, we have India with a large number of millionaires. And on the other hand, the majority of the population remains poor. We can see very well this contrast in the drama film: “Slumdog millionaire” where the main character is born in a slum where hygiene or nutrition are no the priority.
Traditions and religion play a major part in India. India is "emerging power" and yet it is a country of traditions with the dowry. This tradition explains also why the parents do not want to have daughters as in the excerpt “Another girl”. The husband Jasu say at his wife, Kavita, who has just given birth to a baby girl, that he can’t kept their baby because they would never be able to pay the dowry. Inequalities between men and women and rich and poor are very present in this country.

Secondly, the picture "Chowpatty beach at sunset" illustrate very well these contradictions.
Many people have gathered together on a beach. The shot presents a dual vision of India. On the one hand, in the background, the city's skyscrapers highlight how India has become a booming country. On the other hand, the saris that all women are wearing indicate the tradition remain.
The photo also gives an impression of calm and happiness. The photographer has focused his camera on a smiling couple holding their two children: they are representative of the two-child family policy encouraged by Indian government.

Finally, many changes have taken place in India over the last 20 years. The country is now in a process of rapid economic development.
In the article « Changing India », from the New York Times, the narrator has India origin but he does not go there up to now. He decided to go in India by himself to make up his own mind about the country. Before he had prejudices about it but India has changed. The farms have given way to factories, the couples can divorce, untouchables children can go to school. The main change is people's mentalities.
Moreover, the country is getting modern. It's a successful economy thanks to high-tech industries. Indians are more hopeful about their future.

To sum up, while India has experienced spectacular growth over the past 20 years, it remains a poor country with unequally distributed wealth. Its economic growth has benefited a small number of people who have become billionaires with a lot of power.
With this through examples, we can say that India is a country of contradictions, unequal developed. The gap between rich and poor is too much vast despite of the progress.
They could also be linked to the notion places and forms of powers because, to my mind, India’s rich have more power than the poor, it’s not a total democracy.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 11-05-2019 11:22


Réponse : Dernier texte/Bac de laure95, postée le 11-05-2019 à 12:09:22 (S | E)
Bonjour Pauline,

- It can illustrate the topic India: India is a good illustration of this notion.
- a big contrast between the (pas de the)poverty and their well-developed part.
- the (pas de the)rogress can be defined as a social improvement
- To answer this question, I would like to talk about 3 documents: a picture, an article and an excerpt.
- Finally, I (am going to)show you the change of the country with the article « Changing India »


- First, India is a country in South Asia who (pas le bon relatif) is the second-most populous country
- much (most of pas much)of the population lives in high poverty.
- One of the most important problem (pluriel) in India is the cast system.
- Dalits or “Untouchables” are suffered (préposition) discrimination, are outcasts and has (faute de conjugaison) no access
- On (article)one hand
- We can see very well (à déplacer)this contrast
- where the main character is (passé) born in a slum where hygiene or nutrition are no(t) the priority.
- India is (article) "emerging power"
- This tradition explains also why the (pas de the)parents do not want to have (any) daughters
- The husband Jasu say at (dire quelque chose à quelqu'un: tell)his wife, Kavita,
- he can’t kept: can + infintif

- Secondly, the picture "Chowpatty beach at sunset" illustrate (faute de conjugaison) very well (à déplacer)these contradictions.
- On the other hand, the saris that all women are wearing indicate the tradition remain (faute de conjugaison).
- by (article)Indian government
- the narrator has India(n) origin (pluriel)
- but he does not go there up to now: ?
- He decided to go in (pas la bonne préposition) India by himself
- Before he had prejudices about (against pas about)it
- The (pas de the) farms have given way to factories, the (pas de the) couples can divorce,

- Its economic growth has benefited (préposition)a small number of people
- With this through examples,
- unequal(ly) developed.
- The gap between (article)rich and (article) poor is too much vast despite of the progress.




Réponse : Dernier texte/Bac de pauline1835, postée le 11-05-2019 à 19:24:38 (S | E)
encore merci beaucoup, pas mal de petites fautes corrigées.




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