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Friendship (correction) (1)

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Friendship (correction)
Message de elo-die posté le 02-01-2008 à 18:14:52 (S | E | F | I)

Bonsoir et bonne année un peu en retard :p
Pourriez vous me corriger ce début de rédaction?


Friendship is a reciprocal feeling between two people (or more) not belonging to the same family. Love is a feeling towards a similar being or not to oneself. It’s the proclamation of an animal instinctive force which consists in sticking to one or more individuals: for the Man, in a moral or eager way.
Do these two feelings, quite different; require the presence of two people minimum who can differ on several points but these differences represent, for as much (pour autant), a major obstacle to love or the friendship?
Initially we will explain (dans quelle mesure la difference) can be an obstacle, then in the second time we will study the side positive of diversification.
The difference between two individuals can touch several fields. Indeed, in our essential base, we’re already different the ones from the others: we are men or we are women in any sound being (on est home ou on est femme dans tout son être), and not only in his body. Besides each one of our cells, without exception, carries the chromosome of the masculinity or femininity. It’s thus all our being which is sexier.
Thus, in a quite general way, the woman has intelligence, a perception of the things and situations more intuitive than the man. She’s also more imaginative. He’s often more at ease in the reasoning, in any case, he will be less easily let "embark" by his imagination. This difference between the two sexes can be seen like a first obstacle with the friendship (à l’amitié). Two people who don’t reflect same manner, which doesn’t want same, the same needs, can’t be friendly.
From another point of view, this difference between man and woman are a gift of God, a godsend. We’re thus made to meet us, us to like, learn from the other. In the other, we can find what we miss. A sensitive woman thus needs a hard man to support it.
The difference in age constitutes also a factor determining for the relations of love (but also of friendship).Indeed, the couples having a great difference in age often arouse (suscitent) mitigated reactions. Even if the relations between an older man and a younger woman are tolerated generally better than the opposite, the comments are often disagreeable. However, in an analysis relating to the probability of divorce according to the difference in age, “Statistique Canada” observes that the rate of divorce is less low when this difference is tiny or extremely large, especially if it’s the man who is oldest. Do we let ourselves carry out by our prejudices? (Nous laissons-nous mener par nos préjugés?)
In the majority of the animal species, the male seeks a female young, able to give him a descent, while the female is attracted by the male most extremely and more tested, which will be able to ensure its survival and that of its offspring. Would the animal instinct continue us? (L’instinct animal nous poursuivrait-il?)
Theoretically, nothing is more "natural" in the fact that a man is attracted by a younger woman. In the eyes of the others (the friends, the family) the children coming from another union aren’t always ready to accept such a situation. And love in all that? Can it come to end from the difficulties? Several famous couples of it are the proof (en sont la preuve): Molière and Armande Béjart (40 - 18/20 years), Napoleon and Marie-Louise (41 - 19 years), Picasso and Jacqueline Castling (44 years of difference.)



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Modifié par bridg le 02-01-2008 18:29
Il est demandé aux membres qui auront la gentillesse de répondre de signaler les fautes, d'aider le demandeur à se corriger mais de ne jamais faire le travail à sa place. Cette règle est incontournable sur ce site d'apprentissage. Merci de votre participation.


Réponse: Friendship (correction) de tomtom1001, postée le 02-01-2008 à 20:51:36 (S | E)
Hello,


in blue: conjugaison faults
in red: grammar faults
in pink: expression faults
in green: remarks


Friendship is a reciprocal feeling between two people (or more) not belonging to the same family. Love is a feeling towards a similar being or not to oneself. It’s the proclamation (do you mean "expression??) of an animal instinctive force which consists in sticking to one or more individuals ("sticking to more individuals", dosen't it contradictory?): for the Man ( or rather "mankind"?), in a moral or eager way.
Do (Are) these two feelings, quite different? Requiring (incorrect) the presence of two people minimum at least who can differ on several points but ("but" isn't the right adverb to link the two parts of your sentence even if I don't know which is the right?) these differences represent, for as much, a major obstacle to love or the friendship? (For me, this sentence is awkward, and I propose you this, if it corresponds to what you think: "even if two people, at least, whose differences are plentiful, might meet each other, their differences are regardless the principal obstacles for love or friendship")

Initially (I don't know if this word can be used here?? But I'm sure that "first of all" is appropriated. But it's as you want!) we will explain (dans quelle mesure la difference: "how the differences...") can be an obstacle, then in the a second time (try "on the contrary" to show that you will explain an opposite point of view!) we will study the side positive of diversification.
The differences between two individuals can touch several fields. Indeed, in our essential base, we’re already different the ones from the others (it's not the right adverb neither the right place: try "even" at the beginning of your sentence: "indeed even..."!!): we are men or we are women in any sound being ("at the deepest of our souls), and not only in our body. Besides each one of our cells, without exception, carries the chromosome of the masculinity or femininity. It’s thus all our being which is sexier.
Thus, in a quite general way, the woman has intelligence, a more intuitive perceptions of the things and situations than the man. She’s also more imaginative. He’s often more at ease in the reasoning, in any case, he will be less easily let "embark" carry along by his imagination. (do you mean: "he will let himself carry along by his imagination"??). This difference between the two sexes can be seen like a first obstacle with the friendship (à l’amitié). Two people who don’t reflect the same manner, which doesn’t want same, the same needs, can’t be friendly.

The end of your essay will be in the second message...



Réponse: Friendship (correction) de tomtom1001, postée le 02-01-2008 à 20:52:07 (S | E)



in blue: conjugaison faults
in red: grammar faults
in pink: expression faults


From another point of view, this difference (plural) between man and woman (plural) are a gift of God, a godsend. Thus we’re made to meet us (ourselves) (this sentence is too much inspired from french!!), us to like, learn from the other. In the other words, we can find what we miss. A sensitive woman thus needs a hard man to support it her.
The age difference constitutes also a determining factor for the relations of love (but also of friendship).Indeed, the couples who having a great difference in age often arouse (provoke) mitigated (mixed) reactions. Even if the relations between an older man and a younger woman are generally tolerated better than the opposite, the comments (remarks) are often disagreeable. However, in an analysis relating to the probability of divorce according to the difference in age, “Statistique Canada” (canadian statistics) observes that the rate of divorce is less low (lower = "plus bas") when this difference is tiny or extremely large, especially if it’s the man who is oldest (if the man is older than the woman). Do we let ourselves carry out (lead) by our prejudices?
In the majority (For most) of the animal species, the male seeks a young female , able to give him a descent (also "babies"), while the female is attracted by the male most extremely and more tested, which will be able to ensure its survival and that of its offspring. Would the animal instinct continue us (carry on into humans)?
Theoretically, nothing is more "natural" in the fact that for a man is to be attracted by a younger woman. In the eyes of the others (the friends, the family) the children coming from an another union aren’t always ready to accept such a situation. And love in all that? (And what about love?) Can it come to end from the difficulties? Several famous couples of it are the proof (en sont la preuve): Molière and Armande Béjart (40 - 18/20 years), Napoleon and Marie-Louise (41 - 19 years), Picasso and Jacqueline Castling (44 years of difference.)


-Sometimes when I highlight a word, it's because I add it because I think it was missed.



I hope my messages will be clear for you in spite of all the colors I used (laugh)!!!!

Bye tomtom


Réponse: Friendship (correction) de elo-die, postée le 03-01-2008 à 22:49:16 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide.




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