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Corrections requested ! : ) (1)

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Corrections requested ! : )
Message de yodafroman posté le 05-01-2008 à 00:24:02 (S | E | F | I)

Hi I've had to make an "essay" (call it however you want ^^) and I'd want some proofreadings. Just tell me if a sentence hurts or whatever.

Here is the subject which was in French (I tried to translate it but there are already some problems...) : How to shine and to be modest at the same time ?


It firstly depends on how you assess shining : should it be known that you were successful in your life ? Has it something to do with who you talk to, who you try to be the friend of ? Doesn't it matter that you live here instead of there ? Well, stars do shine but who can still see them with his own eyes when the sun is right above ?
Of course it's actually all about how you are compared to the others : you will shine if you have something they don't . Something that can be seen as a good thing, a thing you can be proud of. The only other way would be to consider ourselves as ones who don't even need this but there is then no way to be unpretentious.

Now let's try to find what "to be modest" means. Is it only appearances ? I've asked some people who told me it means that even when you know you're better than someone, you're still polite and won't say it. Polite. Yet you know well you're better. They also told me about a pathological manner to be humble – you put no trust in you and so you can't think you could be better than someone else – but it's definitely no good thing. To me it would sound more like "I've been practising my piano or whatever for ten years, so yes I'm better than him who saw his first one two days ago, but yes he can learn me some things – nothing which has to do with a piano I assume – because I do not know everything. Having a hypocritical kindness and expressing false modesty just make no sense. I want to learn and I want my friends to learn, share your knowledge if you know better – and if you really do prove it first.
So let's say modesty implies respectfulness, acknowledgement of others' skills in the way to think and in the way to be at once. How to reconcile these two different things which seem finally opposite ?

I don't know. Pretty hard question and I can't claim I've got the answers.
People who manage to become "someone" through their relatives' eyes didn't do it with no effort. They had to work for it. We can imagine someone who got a good job, a wonderful wife and so on. This kind of people that you can see in some movies is regarded as an example for everyone. Can he still be humble ? Why not ? The only problem could be that he would have all along his life needed to show himself he was doing well. And the only way to do so is to look at the others and to compare himself to them. What if he finally thinks he's simply better than them ?
I think it's just something (arrogance) we've got to fight against everyday. That is to say we can't let us think at anytime that we have something superior to anyone. That's why we don't meet truly humble people so often. The last person who I guess was modest that way is a shepherd. You could see by how he smiled that his simple life with few relationships made him both a good and a happy man.


"When one remains modest, not after praise but after blame, then is he really so." Blame needs to be worth and we still have to define the meaning of the word "modest" for if he just doesn't say a word it could mean he merely doesn't care at all.
The fine reproach must be found too because nothing must be able to be said by the "defendant". And reproaching things without any solution to offer is like trying to teach something to someone by saying "you'd better learn things !". Plus I suppose that (enlevé le if) the one who is modest ought to have so many qualities that few people could have something to tell him about his behavior.



Thanks !

Edit 1 : j'ai mis en rouge mes corrections à l'aide de vos suggestions. En fait il ne s'agit pas d'une traduction, c'est plutôt une pseudo-dissertation que j'ai écrite pour répondre à la question posée.
J'aimerais savoir aussi : comment former un infinitf comme dans ce cas : « la seule solution est alors de se comparer aux autres ». Est-ce que "the only way is to compare oneself to the others" marche ?
Merci pour votre aide


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Modifié par lucile83 le 05-01-2008 08:27

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Modifié par yodafroman le 05-01-2008 13:00


Réponse: Corrections requested ! : ) de lucile83, postée le 05-01-2008 à 08:26:55 (S | E)
Hello,
1)you will shine if you have something they don't that can be .....manque de ponctuation.

2)"I've been practising piano or ....manque l'article.

3)How to reconcile these two different things which seems finally opposite ..verbe "to seem".

4)So I guess I'm gonna write and ....US + à l'écrit; ça peut passer si c'est une traduction fidèle du français mais je n'ai pas ce texte sous les yeux.

5)Can he still be humble ? Why not. ...Ponctuation après "not".

6)Plus I suppose that if the one who is modest ought to have so many qualities that few people could have something to tell him something about his behavior...désolée mais je ne comprends pas cette phrase.

See you


Réponse: Corrections requested ! : ) de lucile83, postée le 05-01-2008 à 16:25:58 (S | E)
Hello,
Très bon maintenant

"the only way is to compare oneself to the others"....oui ok

Il sera plus naturel de dire:
Comparing oneself to the others is the only way/solution.
See you



Réponse: Corrections requested ! : ) de yodafroman, postée le 05-01-2008 à 19:04:31 (S | E)
Merci encore ! Une dernière question : comprenez-vous la dernière phrase maintenant ?


Réponse: Corrections requested ! : ) de lucile83, postée le 05-01-2008 à 21:32:10 (S | E)
oui maintenant c'est bon,sinon je vous en aurais fait la remarque
comme quoi un seul mot et ......rien ne va plus.
Ravie de vous avoir un peu aidé,
See you




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