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Avis sur mon travail (1)

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Avis sur mon travail
Message de ajanim posté le 30-01-2008 à 22:28:22 (S | E | F)

Bonsoir!

Je souhaiterai connaître votre opinion sur la qualité (pas tant le contenu) d'une mini dissertation que je viens de bosser pour m'entraîner.
Je souhaiterai connaître votre avis particulièrement sur la conjugaison et si les expressions s'insèrent bien dans mes phrases...Voir s'il n'y a pas d'erreur de synthaxe.

J'ai choisi comme sujet les effets de la mondialisation..

_______________________________________________________________________________
Globalization has imposed as early as the 80s. That evolution has triggered news mutations in our society: about the relationship between states, economic agents, multinationals firms and money markets. Thenceforward, far-reaching implications are appeared in our way of life and of inegrate. How can we analyse that phenomenon and must we dread such an situation?

It is worth first of all turning one’s attention to the labour world. In the first instance, the competition between firms and the low level of unemployment give rise to dispute with trades unions, government and companies. For fear of cuting down their profit, compagnies conclude to amend their output system. Thus the majority of workers become unemployed. Social risks can caused social exclusions.

Globalization belongs to our daily. Quite obviously the cultural integration grows on ways of life, as technologies. We are utterly sensitize about current events.
It sets a question mark against freethinking and free choice. Alter-globalist inclinations see the light of day. Effects of globalization as unemployment, unfair trading, environment protection, are at the root of several lobbies. We can allude to influential World Social Forum or others ONG.

This overall pictures shows Globalization must lead to more reforms and mutations.
____________________________________________________________________________
Merci beaucoup!!



Réponse: Avis sur mon travail de volteface13, postée le 30-01-2008 à 22:37:19 (S | E)
very good job ... I'm serious !!!


Réponse: Avis sur mon travail de ndege, postée le 31-01-2008 à 11:47:50 (S | E)
Hello,

Right, I also think you 've done a good job.
I have a few remarks though

far-reaching implications are appeared in our way of life. Tense ko

must we dread such a situation?

the competition between firms. I think you can do without THE. Let's see what others think of it.

wrong spelling : cutting, companies, integrate,

Look up the definition and usage of : to conclude, daily, root (as opposed to 'origin'), to allude

In the first instance should describe the 1st step of a series of actions (to perform or performed), I think it doesn't go down well here.

Social risks can caused social exclusions. forme du verbe après un modal.

It sets a question mark against ? free thinking and free choice. I don't actually get the full meaning of this sentence...

You sensitize people to sth or you are sentized to sth

Effects of globalization : « Consequences of » sounds better

This overall pictures shows Globalization must lead to more reforms and mutations. modal usage.

Is environment protection an effect of globalisation? rising awareness of it is.



-------------------
Modifié par ndege le 31-01-2008 11:51


Réponse: Avis sur mon travail de hpesoj, postée le 31-01-2008 à 13:14:26 (S | E)
Les conseils de ndege sont bonnes, mais il y a des autres choses:

- Globalization has imposed
- triggered news mutations - Vous voulez dire "new" ou "news" (les )?
- multinationals firms
- Thenceforward
- inegrate - quel mot est-ce?
- utterly sensitize about - ce n'a pas de sens
- It sets a question mark against - "This poses a question about"?
- Effects of globalization as unemployment - vous voulez dire "par exemple"?

Joe


Réponse: Avis sur mon travail de ajanim, postée le 31-01-2008 à 13:14:45 (S | E)
Merci pour votre attention!

Quelques nouvelles questions suite à vos conseils:

Je n'ai pas bien compris cela:
In the first instance should describe the 1st step of a series of actions (to perform or performed), I think it doesn't go down well here.
tu me conseillerais d'étendre l'expression jusqu'à "actions"?

"far-reaching implications are appeared in our way of life."
comment corriger?

It sets a question mark against freethinking and free choice:
je souhaitais dire "cela remet en question la liberté de pensée et de libre choix"

Pour remplacer "must lead to":
This overall picture shows Globalization has to lead to more reforms and mutations.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Donc avec les corrections:
Globalization has imposed as early as the 80s. That evolution has triggered news mutations in our society: about the relationship between states, economic agents, multinationals firms and money markets. Thenceforward, far-reaching implications are appeared in our way of life and of inegrate. How can we analyse that phenomenon and must we dread such a situation?

It is worth first of all turning one’s attention to the labour world. In the first instance, competition between firms and the low level of unemployment give rise to dispute with trades unions, government and companies. For fear of cutting down their profit, compagnies conclude to amend their output system. Thus the majority of workers become unemployed. Social risks can cause social exclusions.

Globalization belongs to our daily. Quite obviously the cultural integration grows on ways of life, as technologies. We are utterly sensitized to current events.
It sets a question mark against freethinking and free choice. Alter-globalist inclinations see the light of day. Consequences of globalization as unemployment, unfair trading, environment protection, are at the root of several lobbies. We can allude to influential World Social Forum or others ONG.

This overall picture shows Globalization has to lead to more reforms and mutations.


Merci beaucoup !


Réponse: Avis sur mon travail de ndege, postée le 31-01-2008 à 14:59:36 (S | E)
Salut,

In the first instance :
ex 1, tu vas mettre en place des mesures et tu veux décrire la 1ère mesure
ex 2, tu constates une situation, ou en l'occurrence des effets, et tu en décris une 1ère manifestation.
Il me semble que l'expression convient mieux au 1er cas et qu'il faudrait trouver une autre expression (demande un autre avis).

to appear : tu fais une erreur de conjugaison.

remettre en question : un coup de dico sur les mots qu'il faut fournira la réponse.

-------------------
Modifié par ndege le 31-01-2008 15:42


Réponse: Avis sur mon travail de ajanim, postée le 31-01-2008 à 23:40:19 (S | E)
Globalization has imposed as early as the 80s. That evolution has triggered new mutations in our society: about the relationship between states, economic agents, multinationals firms and money markets. Thenceforward, far-reaching implications have appeared in our way of life and of integrate. How can we analyse that phenomenon and must we dread such a situation?


It is worth first of all turning one’s attention to the labour world. In the first instance, the competition between firms and the low level of unemployment give rise to dispute with trades unions, government and companies. For fear of cutting down their profit, compagnies conclude to amend their output system. Thus the majority of workers become unemployed. Social risks can caused social exclusions.


Globalization belongs to our daily. Quite obviously the cultural integration grows on ways of life, as technologies. We are utterly sensitized to current events.
It sets a question mark against freethinking and free choice. Alter-globalist inclinations see the light of day. Effects of globalization as unemployment, unfair trading, environment protection, are at the root of several lobbies. We can allude to influential World Social Forum or others ONG.

This overall pictures shows Globalization has to lead to more reforms and mutations.



Voici ce que j'ai pu corriger..


Réponse: Avis sur mon travail de hpesoj, postée le 01-02-2008 à 02:47:21 (S | E)
Mes corrections/conseils entre les parenthésés.


Globalization (has) imposed (itself) as early as the 80s. That evolution has triggered new mutations in our society: about the relationship between states, economic agents, multinationals firms and money markets. (THenceforward), far-reaching implications have appeared in our way of life and of (integrate <- ? c'est une verbe). How can we analyse that phenomenon and must we dread such a situation?


It is worth first of all turning one’s attention to the labour world. In the first instance, the competition between firms and the low level of unemployment give rise to dispute with trades unions, government and companies. For fear of cutting down their profit, (compagnies - orth!) (conclude decide) to amend their output system. Thus the majority of workers become unemployed. Social risks can (caused <- conj!) social exclusions.


Globalization belongs to our (daily <- ? c'est un adjectif). Quite obviously the cultural integration grows on ways of life, as technologies. We are utterly sensitized to current events.
(It sets a question mark against This puts into question) freethinking and free choice. Alter-globalist inclinations see the light of day. Effects of globalization as unemployment, unfair trading, environment protection, are at the root of several lobbies. We can allude to (the?) influential World Social Forum or others ONG(s?).

This overall pictures shows Globalization has to lead to more reforms and mutations.


Joe


Réponse: Avis sur mon travail de icare33, postée le 01-02-2008 à 09:41:37 (S | E)
It's good,good luck.ICARE33


Réponse: Avis sur mon travail de ajanim, postée le 03-02-2008 à 20:33:28 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour cette nouvelle correction! Je tâcherai de ne plus faire les mêmes erreurs à l'avenir!


Réponse: Avis sur mon travail de jimbo, postée le 06-02-2008 à 15:10:31 (S | E)
Thenceforward? Personne n'ecrirait ca en anglais! Il vaut mieux ecrire simplement "Hence" or "therefore"




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