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Rédaction d'un essai (expression)
Message de etieenne posté le 04-11-2008 à 10:41:42 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai rédigé un essai pour le lycée en anglais et j'aimerais savoir si quelqu'un pouvait me dire ce qui ne va pas et ce qui est bien, merci d'avance.
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Modifié par bridg le 05-11-2008 20:09
Message de etieenne posté le 04-11-2008 à 10:41:42 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai rédigé un essai pour le lycée en anglais et j'aimerais savoir si quelqu'un pouvait me dire ce qui ne va pas et ce qui est bien, merci d'avance.
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Modifié par bridg le 05-11-2008 20:09
Réponse: Rédaction d'un essai (expression) de etieenne, postée le 04-11-2008 à 11:41:26 (S | E)
Do you think the differences between people can be a serious obstacle ?
In the world, we can see many differences between the people. For example, between French people and African people. That’s why, it possible to ask onself question: Do you think the differences between people can be a serious obstacle ? We would like to give the following example: the racism. In the first part, I will explain why it is possible that the differences between people create a obstacle. Then, in the second part, I will say why the differences between people aren’t a serious obstacle.
Firstly, we can say that the differences of languages between the people of the world can be a serious obstacle because it’s difficult to understand the others. For example, a French don’t understand a Chinese very well.
Moreover, the people have got different way of life. Indeed, for example, the French people and the Indian people don’t eat the same food and, the American and the German don’t eat at the same hour.
Besides, the people have got different religions. That’s why there is the terrorism. For example, there are the attacks of the World Trade Center, on September 11th, 2001. It shows that the difference of religions between the people can be an obstacle.
Furthermore, in the world, the people don’t think similar. That’s right, for example, in Switzerland, the capital punishment is abolished whereas it still exists in the United States. We can thus say that the way of thinking of people is not the same everywhere.
Finally, there is the differences of physical apparence which are source of discrimination. Indeed, for example, in the football stadiums it can find racism between the fans of the two clubs. There are the hooligans.
However, we can say that the differences between the people can be a very good thing. Effectively, these differences allow to enrich the culture of people and create the bonds between them.
Fortunately, there are differences between people of the world otherwise everybody would be identical, that’s why the cloning is forbidden !
In a nutshell, it can say that the difference of people can create an obstacle but create bounds too. That’s why, my point of view is shared, there are aspects in favour of yes and in favour of no, so I don’t know. It is possible to wonder this: Do you think the differences between people is the cause of all problems that there is in the world.
"Voici ma rédaction"
Réponse: Rédaction d'un essai (expression) de etieenne, postée le 05-11-2008 à 19:41:56 (S | E)
UPPP
Réponse: Rédaction d'un essai (expression) de azer3, postée le 05-11-2008 à 20:46:26 (S | E)
Bon soir.
it possible to/it is possible to.
onself/ourselves.
create a obstacle/ an obstacle.
a French/a French person/a chinese person.
French people and the Indian people/French and Indian people.
the same food and, the American and the German don’t eat at the same hour./ the same food.Also, American and the German people don’t eat at the same hour.je vois que c'mieux de point de veut structural.
That’s why there is the terrorism./That’s why we have the terrorism.
between the people/between people.
We can thus say that/so we can say that
it can find/ it can be a rasicm.
the bonds/a bonds.
people of the world/people of the world,
that there is in the world/that exist in the world
it can say that/ we can say that.
the difference of people/the difference between people.
A part ca c'impicable, attention au fautes de structuration, essayer de ne pas trop utiliser les pronom démonstrative "the". Et enfin je dis bien que cette est approche et toi de jouer.Bon chance.
