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Dernière correction
Message de lili24 posté le 05-11-2008 à 20:53:48 (S | E | F)
Bonjour ! Voilà, je dois écrire une lette dans laquelle je m'appellerai Insook, coréenne et serait allé aux Etats-Unis chez sa soeur et raconte ses premières impressions (à partir d'un texte de notre manuel) à sa meilleure amie Sun-Hee (le language familier est autorisé). Après plusieurs corrections je suis arrivé à ce résultat, pouvez-vous me corriger ? MERCI beaucop !!
881 Twin Lades
JAMPE, FL 33615
July 23, 2003
Hi my dear Sun-Hee !
How are you ? I've been in America for three years. I came by plane. I was all the more excited as I
haven't to travel.
It's great ! I was so excited that I haven't sleep ! I was bursting my joy ! And when the plane approached the airport of Seattle-Tacoma, my first glimpse of USA are diamonds, huge diamonds ! In fact, it was so many lights of the city ! I was amazed ! I compared America to Korea. In Korea, we are thrifty but here...Oh Sun-Hee ! I am fed up with rich country's wasting of electricity ! It's very disgusting ! I was very , very shocked.
I left the customs without problems thanks to my green card. In the concourse, my sister hasn't recognised me ! I have persuaded her. After, in her car, I glanced outside...but I was astounded ! I am afraid of this land of excess and waste, my Sun-Hee ! Really ! The discovery of this country is similar to the shock of being born. I was like a baby. In the house of my sister...the quiet, like in a coffin...
Yesterday we went to eat in a fast-food (Mc Donald's, if you know...) and naturally I would like to save my packaging of my hamburger whereas people throw it in a litter-bin ! It's criminal ! I blame them for being so spendthrift and extravagant. This is a materialistic society ! Then,
we were
walking in a really lovely street, when residents are very affluent. However they ignore the next street when lot of beggars live. They are not feeling guilty. Enough is enough ! I can't take any more ! As a consequence I am uneasy, shocked and amazed. But, paradoxically I am dumbfound and astounded by this spectacular country. I wasn't used to seeing so much wealth.
Sun-Hee, there is a discrepancy between what I had imaginated and what I see. I was naïve. This country is not similar to Tara in "Gone With The Wind". It's not a novel or a movie. I was narrow-minded with lot of clichés and stereotypes ! I'd rather that you were here, with me. I miss you Sun-Hee !
I look forward to seeing you soon ! XXX
Insook
Message de lili24 posté le 05-11-2008 à 20:53:48 (S | E | F)
Bonjour ! Voilà, je dois écrire une lette dans laquelle je m'appellerai Insook, coréenne et serait allé aux Etats-Unis chez sa soeur et raconte ses premières impressions (à partir d'un texte de notre manuel) à sa meilleure amie Sun-Hee (le language familier est autorisé). Après plusieurs corrections je suis arrivé à ce résultat, pouvez-vous me corriger ? MERCI beaucop !!
881 Twin Lades
JAMPE, FL 33615
July 23, 2003
Hi my dear Sun-Hee !
How are you ? I've been in America for three years. I came by plane. I was all the more excited as I
haven't to travel.
It's great ! I was so excited that I haven't sleep ! I was bursting my joy ! And when the plane approached the airport of Seattle-Tacoma, my first glimpse of USA are diamonds, huge diamonds ! In fact, it was so many lights of the city ! I was amazed ! I compared America to Korea. In Korea, we are thrifty but here...Oh Sun-Hee ! I am fed up with rich country's wasting of electricity ! It's very disgusting ! I was very , very shocked.
I left the customs without problems thanks to my green card. In the concourse, my sister hasn't recognised me ! I have persuaded her. After, in her car, I glanced outside...but I was astounded ! I am afraid of this land of excess and waste, my Sun-Hee ! Really ! The discovery of this country is similar to the shock of being born. I was like a baby. In the house of my sister...the quiet, like in a coffin...
Yesterday we went to eat in a fast-food (Mc Donald's, if you know...) and naturally I would like to save my packaging of my hamburger whereas people throw it in a litter-bin ! It's criminal ! I blame them for being so spendthrift and extravagant. This is a materialistic society ! Then,
we were
walking in a really lovely street, when residents are very affluent. However they ignore the next street when lot of beggars live. They are not feeling guilty. Enough is enough ! I can't take any more ! As a consequence I am uneasy, shocked and amazed. But, paradoxically I am dumbfound and astounded by this spectacular country. I wasn't used to seeing so much wealth.
Sun-Hee, there is a discrepancy between what I had imaginated and what I see. I was naïve. This country is not similar to Tara in "Gone With The Wind". It's not a novel or a movie. I was narrow-minded with lot of clichés and stereotypes ! I'd rather that you were here, with me. I miss you Sun-Hee !
I look forward to seeing you soon ! XXX
Insook
Réponse: Dernière correction de joey93, postée le 06-11-2008 à 15:45:18 (S | E)
Bonjour,
je ne comprends pas le sens de "as I haven't to travel".
"I was so excited that I didn't sleep" (fait passé, donc emploi du prétérit).
"were diamonds". En anglais, contrairement au français, lorsque l'on veut raconter une histoire ou un événement, il convient d'employer le prétérit qui correspond à notre "français de narration".
"there were so many lights in the city".
"...wasting electricity"
"my sister didn't recognized me"
"the silence" au lieu de "quiet" qui convient plus comme un adjectif.
"yesterday we ate in a fast food"
"then we walked" "where residents were very...", "they ignored the newt streets WHERE many beggars are living".
"....what I thought and what I saw".
Je n'ai pas tout lu en détails, faute de temps, mais revois essentiellement l'emploi du prétérit et du présent perfect qui ne correspond pas toujours à notre passé composé en français.
En espérant t'avoir aidé.
