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Correction/visual document (1)

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/visual document
Message de soph44 posté le 07-12-2008 à 18:40:49 (S | E | F)

Bonsoir à tous. Je viens de faire un commentaire sur un document visuel et j’aimerais que vous me corrigiez les fautes . Cette correction est nécessaire pour que je ne fasse plus les mêmes erreurs, ici produites.

Introduction
These visual document is composed (by?) two picotures which are extracted book : « The hungry planet » by Peter Menzel and Faith D’Alusio. This book is enough famous. Each family portrait show a typical week’s grosseries. We see in this visual document an American and a Peruvian family with all the food they eat each week. So I will study thsi document in two parts. Firstly, Iwill focus on the contrast between the Northern and the Southern. Then, its points out that each country have her specific foo and eating habits.

Main points
I- There are much differences between this two pictures places. The contrast is created by differents places. American family is in luxurious house with a big table, fridge and household appliances whereas Peruvian family is sitting ont the ground in a sort of hovel. Behind them, there are pots. The contrast is too created by the quantity of food per week and the number of persons in the family. At the top, American fmily is comosed four persons who have a lot food for the week. At the bottom, the peruvian family have less (of?) food than American family while it's the most large. The maim contrast is based on the inequality of wealthy betxween the Northern and Southern.

II- Each country have specific food and eating habits. At the top, we see a fast food with pizza, McDonald and Burger King. In USA, people consume this genre of food which is knowed. This why there are a lot of obese persons. American favourite food is spaghetti, potatoes and sesame chicken. Peruvians cultivate their loca products, particularly vegetables , fruits and perhaps spices.They live thank to agriculture. It is way of life south countries.

Conclusion
To conclude, we see a different amount of food for each family. The food is farmed and specific facts relating to each countriy's eating habits. They can eat what they want which is not the case for every country in the world. this document aims at making people aware of the fact.



-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 07-12-2008 20:49


Réponse: Correction/visual document de jean31, postée le 07-12-2008 à 19:40:46 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

Balisé en rouge tout ce qui pose problème et doit être revu.
Le point d'exclamation jaune signale les omissions.
Tu as un gros tas de pain sur la planche.
Apparemment, tu ne te relis pas et c'est bien dommage car cela t'éviterait bon nombre de fautes de frappe et de répétitions
.


Introduction
These visual document is composed (by?) two picotures which are extracted book : « The hungry planet » by Peter Menzel and Faith D’Alusio. This book is enough famous. Each family portrait show a typical week’s grosseries. We see in this visual document an American and a Peruvian family with all the food they eat each week. So I will study thsi document in two parts. Firstly, I will focus on the contrast between the Northern and the Southern. Then, its points out that each country have her specific foo and eating habits.

Main points
I- There are much differences between this two pictures places. The contrast is created by differents places. American family is in luxurious house with a big table, fridge and household appliances whereas Peruvian family is sitting ont the ground in a sort of hovel. Behind them, there are pots. The contrast is too created by the quantity of food per week and the number of persons in the family. At the top, American fmily is comosed four persons who have a lot food for the week. At the bottom, the peruvian family have less (of?) food than American family while it's the most large. The maim contrast is based on the inequality of wealthy betxween the Northern and Southern.

II- Each country have specific food and eating habits. At the top, we see a fast food with pizza, McDonald and Burger King. In USA, people consume this genre of food which is knowed. This why there are a lot of obese persons. American favourite food is spaghetti, potatoes and sesame chicken. Peruvians cultivate their loca products, particularly vegetables, fruits and perhaps spices. They live thank to agriculture. It is way of life south countries.

Conclusion
To conclude, we see a different amount of food for each family. The food is farmed and specific facts relating to each countriy's eating habits. They can eat what they want which is not the case for every country in the world. this document aims at making people aware of the fact.








Réponse: Correction/visual document de hoger, postée le 07-12-2008 à 20:47:14 (S | E)
Voici quelques corrections supplémentaires de ma part :
  1. « Firstly, I will focus on the contrast between the Northern and the Southern. » [ on peut garder les adjectifs et rajouter des noms, comme l'a suggeré jean31 ou on peut remplacer les adjectifs par les nom correspendants, c.-à-d. "le nord" etc. ]
     
  2. « persons » [ j'avoue que je ne comprends pas pourquoi jean31 marque toujours ce mot – pour moi c'est bon ]
     
  3. « the peruvian family have less (of?) food »
     
  4. « The maim contrast »
     
  5. Y a-t-il une raison spécifique pour dire « document visuel » dans la première phrase plutôt qu'« image, photo » ou quelque chose dans le genre ? Cela me paraît un peu bureaucrate …



Réponse: Correction/visual document de jean31, postée le 08-12-2008 à 09:51:30 (S | E)
2. « persons » [ j'avoue que je ne comprends pas pourquoi jean31 marque toujours ce mot – pour moi c'est bon ]


De nombreux anglophones dignes de confiance disent que "person" ne s'emploie jamais au pluriel, voilà pourquoi.
Au pluriel, il convient donc d'employer "people"
.






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