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Correction/violence at school (1)

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/violence at school
Message de wookie posté le 29-04-2009 à 15:14:21 (S | E | F)

coucou tout le monde voila j'ai une rédaction d'anglais a rendre mais vu que je ne sais pas si j'ai fait des fautes j'aimerais savoir si vous pouviez la corriger?
"The school violenceis caused by th gun availability or by the teenagers?Neither one nor the other.
Teenagers are generally violent in adolescence. They rebelled against everyone and some people live worse than other.They are influenced by internet, vidéo games, other young or by the films.Adolescence is a difficult time for many young people, and a period where they are more likely to make errors or mistakes. But some are using this excuse not to attract too much troubles and so to continue their fact mistakes. Teenagers trough a difficult period wich is adolescence, but it does not excuses everything.
In U.S.A, the carrying of weapons is permitted in fifty states different. This is causing access to firearms greatly so easy. Youngs people an have in their possesion a weapon quite easily. Few states allow the carrying of weapons intend to learns to handle and permits to acquire firearms. This access has certainly facilitated a significant increase in violence among school and creates young.
This permits to carry weapons and that it reduced the access to firearms probably would reduce the rate of school violence."
Voila pouvez vous me dire si j'ai beaucoup de fautes?Merci beaucoup.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-04-2009 15:41
titre


Réponse: Correction/violence at school de wookie, postée le 29-04-2009 à 18:56:10 (S | E)
Personne ne peut m'aider??


Réponse: Correction/violence at school de wookie, postée le 29-04-2009 à 20:20:05 (S | E)
Pitié aidez moi je veux juste que l'on me dise si c'est gramaticalement correct c'est tout répondez moi s'il vous plait!


Réponse: Correction/violence at school de TravisKidd, postée le 29-04-2009 à 21:08:44 (S | E)
Non ce n'est pas grammaticalement correct, du moins pas toutes les phrases.


Réponse: Correction/violence at school de laure95, postée le 30-04-2009 à 11:02:21 (S | E)
Bonjour, voici ce que tu dois corriger:
The school violenceis caused by th gun availability or by the teenagers? (revois la structure d'1 question)Neither one nor the other.
Teenagers are generally violent in adolescence. They rebelled against everyone and some people live worse ? than others.They are influenced by internet, vidéo (jamais d'accent en anglais) games, other young or by the films.Adolescence is a difficult time (period) for many young people, and a period where they are more likely to make errors or mistakes. But some are using this excuse not to attract too much troubles and so to continue their fact mistakes. Teenagers trough ? a difficult period wich (orthographe) is adolescence, but it does not excuses everything.
In U.S.A, the carrying of weapons is permitted in fifty states different (mal placé). This is causing access to firearms greatly so easy (ce n'est pas 1 adverbe). Youngs (jamais de "s" à 1 adjectif) people an have in their possesion a weapon quite easily. Few states allow the carrying of weapons intend to learns to handle and permits to acquire firearms. This access has certainly facilitated a significant increase in violence among school and creates young ?.
This permits to carry weapons and that it reduced the access to firearms probably would reduce the rate of school violence."



Réponse: Correction/violence at school de sadie72, postée le 01-05-2009 à 15:02:07 (S | E)

Hello Wookie,
1/ Teenagers are generally violent in adolescence. They rebelled (revois le temps à utiliser ici) against everyone and some people live worse than others.

2/But some are using this excuse not to attract too much troubles (for countables you need 'many'+plural noun) and so to continue their fact mistakes.

3/ Teenagers go through a difficult period which is adolescence, but it does not excuses everything.

4/ In U.S.A, the carrying of weapons is permitted in fifty states different (word order). This is causing (revois le temps)access to firearms greatly so easy (revois toute la structure). Young people can have in their possesion a weapon quite easily. Few states allow the carrying of weapons intend to learns to handle and permits to acquire firearms. (Do you mean this:"Few states which allow the carrying of weapons do not permit acquiring firearms until one learns how to handle it.") This access has certainly facilitated a significant increase in violence among
at school and created young ????? (unfinished sentence).
This permits to carry weapons and that it reduced the access to firearms probably would reduce the rate of school violence."
(Do you mean this?: "If governments reduce the access to firearms, the rate of school violence would be probably reduced as well.")
Well, I'm trying to help as much as I can.






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