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Correction/ my diary

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/ my diary
Message de alexane01 posté le 18-02-2010 à 17:20:01 (S | E | F)

Bonjour, j'ai passé l'après-midi pour essayer de faire quelque chose qui vient de moi mais les difficultés que j'ai en anglais ne m'aident pas.

Quelqu'un pourrait-il m'aider, me dire les choses qui ne vont pas? Le sujet était d'écrire un extrait de journal intime en racontant un problème que l'on aurait vécu à l'école. Il fallait débuter par Ok don't panic, se rassurer au cours de l'extrait et utiliser l'obligation au passé (had to).

Ok don't panic! I still think that if I am in this situation, it isn't my fault. I never asked to suffer violence by classmates. So far, I haven't said anything since it was simply kicks, slaps, trips, punches ... nothing really serious!

But this time, things have moved to higher level! I to come back in my home, the last night, with a nice mark on my left arm: one of the girls in my class was decided to test the effects of a leaf of pencil on my arm ...

It forced me to bring her back money if I hoped she stops me to inflict violence. This morning, I gave her £20 that I found in the purse of my parents. But, she said me that it wasn't enough, that peace has a price. I was afraid but I had to be courageous. I said myself : what I do? Maybe she will stop if I to bring back a lot of money. I don't think that I can speak about it to my parents or the police, because she maybe take revenge, and the situation would be deteriorate. But, it is necessary that I speak, she is a child too and his parents will be, certainly, very unhappy with what she did ... I hadn't to worry, everything is going to be all right !

Merci de bien vouloir m'aider.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-02-2010 21:05
pour ces efforts qui vous feront progresser.


Réponse: Correction/ my diary de gerondif, postée le 18-02-2010 à 18:18:54 (S | E)
Re bonjour,
Merci pour ce travail plus personnel:
had to est le prétérit de must et donnera à votre texte une nuance d'obligation."j'ai dû faire ceci ou cela", il est donc assez facile de le placer plusieurs fois:
rouge: à corriger (couleur traumatisante en plus !!)
vert: corrections ou ajouts.

Ok don't panic! I still think that if I am in this situation, it isn't my fault. I never asked to suffer violence by classmates. So far, I haven't said anything since it was simply kicks, slaps, trips, punches ... nothing really serious!

But this time, things have moved to a higher level! I to come (à mettre au prétérit irrégulier) back in my home the last night, with a nice mark on my left arm: one of the girls in my class was(prétérit de l'auxiliaire have) decided to test the effects of a pencil lead on my arm ...

It forced me to (C'est le moment de mettre: I had to bring her ...)bring her back money if I hoped she stops (construction du verbe vouloir: I want her to stop being violent with me. Adaptez !)me to inflict violence. This morning, I gave her £20 that I found in the purse of my parents (le cas possessif irait mieux: exemple: my friends'dog). But, she said(mettez plutôt le prétérit de to tell) me that it wasn't enough, that peace has(prétérit) a price. I was afraid but I had to be courageous. I said to myself : what I do(traduisez:: Que puis-je faire ?)? Maybe she will stop if I to bring her back a lot of money. I don't think that I can speak about it to my parents or to the police, because she maybe(mettez maybe au début de la subordonnée, mettez le verbe au futur) take revenge, and the situation would be deteriorate(utilisez le futur de l'expression: to get worse: empirer). But, it is necessary that I speak(français traduit, pour dire" je dois dire que, je dois admettre que, utilisez le verbe admit avec I have to justement), she is a child too and his(ses parents à elle) parents will be, certainly,(à placer devant be) very unhappy with what she did ... I hadn't to (ne va pas ici, prenez plutôt mustn't ou needn't )worry, everything is going to be all right !

Bon courage, ex miss reverso




Réponse: Correction/ my diary de gerondif, postée le 18-02-2010 à 23:02:32 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Envoyez votre travail sur le forum public et non pas à mon adresse personnelle, tous ceux qui lisent vos textes profitent ainsi des corrections.

Bonsoir !

Merci beaucoup pour votre aide. Cette fois-ci, est ce que tout est correcte ? Est-ce que le contenu est pertinent ? Cela rentre t-il bien dans le cadre du sujet ?

Ok don't panic! I still think that if I am in this situation, it isn't my fault. I never asked to suffer violence by classmates. So far, I haven't said anything since it was simply kicks, slaps, trips, punches ... nothing really serious!

But this time, things have moved to a higher level! I to(ne laissez pas ce to devant une forme conjuguée) came back home last night with a nice mark on my left arm: one of the girls in my class had decided to test the effects of a pencil lead on my arm ...

I had to bring her back money if I want(prétérit) her to stop being violent with me me to inflict violence. This morning, I gave her £20 that I found in my parents'purse. But she told me that it wasn't enough, that peace had a price. I was afraid but I had to be courageous. I said to myself : what may(changez de verbe pouvoir) I make(to make :fabriquer avec des ingrédients) to do: faire en général)? Maybe she will stop if I bring her back a lot of money. I don't think that I can speak about it to my parents or to the police, maybe because she will take her revenge on me , and the situation to(ne laissez pas ce to devant une forme conjuguée) will get worse. But, I have to admit, she is a child too and her parents will certainly be very unhappy with what she did ... I needn't to(à supprimer) worry, everything is going to be all right !

Un auxiliaire a tendance 1) à capturer et abréger la négation, 2) à être suivi d'une base verbale, d'un infinitif SANS to.
I can't come, I won't come, I didn't come, I mustn't come, I needn't come.




Réponse: Correction/ my diary de alexane01, postée le 19-02-2010 à 11:55:31 (S | E)
Bonjour !

Voila, j'ai corrigé mes dernières fautes, enfin j'espère ;) Merci beaucoup de votre aide et pour les explications. Certaines choses sont plus claires maintenant.

A bientot.

Ok don't panic! I still think that if I am in this situation, it isn't my fault. I never asked to suffer violence by classmates. So far, I haven't said anything since it was simply kicks, slaps, trips, punches ... nothing really serious!

But this time, things have moved to a higher level! I came back home last night, with a nice mark on my left arm: one of the girls in my class had decided to test the effects of a pencil lead on my arm ...

I had to bring her back money if I wanted her to stop being violent with me. This morning, I gave her £20 that I found in my parents'purse. But, she told me that it wasn't enough, that peace had a price. I was afraid but I had to be courageous. I said to myself : what can I do? Maybe she will stop if I bring her back a lot of money. I don't think that I can speak about it to my parents or to the police, maybe because she will take her revenge on me, and the situation will get worse. But, I have to admit, she is a child too and her parents will certainly be very unhappy with what she did ... I neeedn't worry, everything is going to be all right !




Réponse: Correction/ my diary de gerondif, postée le 19-02-2010 à 12:13:05 (S | E)
ok ! enlevez les virgules de I have to admit.



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