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Message de mathjulie posté le 06-03-2010 à 14:25:08 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, j'ai un texte à analyser et je dois raconter l'histoire, pourriez le corriger, et me dire si il est organisé? Le voici:
That summer, Bono and Ali, his wife, travelled to Ethiopia, in order to bring assistance to an orphanage of the country but the last day, a father , with nothing to do, would to hand his baby to Bono, because he knew he would die if he stayed to ethiopia, owing to the miserable living conditions, whereas, in Ireland, his son would live, given that it is a rich country. But unfortunately, Bono refused, for (car) wasn't the solution. in that moment, Bono knew what was his cause and his duty. all became bright and he understood, he have to militate against this poverty, this despair, hence he became a rock star with a cause. Actually, people of rich countries doesn't imagine the totaly necessity in which African countries like Ethiopia were dived. for example, 6500 Africans dying a day of a treatable and preventable disease, which in our countries are simple illness wa could treat whit medicines, we byu at the local chemist, in contrast to the developing countries where she becomes a lethal epidemic due to the scarcity of generic drug, food, the lack of hygiene and problem of drinking water. Bono realized that wasn't a cause , but an emergency. This persons merit a happy life in good health. Contrary to our, whom benefit to sanitary services, this people didn't have money for profit to their inalieble rights, for a stupidest, ridioulous question of money. And in our epoch, money is a thing more importante than feeling like need and humanity. On the contrary money is frivolous.
Réponse: Correction Bono de lolotte63, postée le 07-03-2010 à 17:37:09 (S | E)
During that summer, Bono and his wife Ali travelled to Ethiopia in order to bring assistance//help in an orphanage of the country, but on the last day a father with nothing to do (??) handed his baby to Bono because he knew the baby would die if he stayed in Ethiopia owing to the miserable living conditions there whereas his son could live much better in Ireland as it is a rich country. But unfortunately Bono refused for this was not the right solution. From that moment, Bono understood what was to become his cause and his duty. Everything had become clear and he understood that he had to fight this poverty and this despair, hence he became a rock star with a cause. In fact, people from rich countries do not imagine the state of emergency in which African countries like Ethiopia have sunk. For example, 6500 Africans die in a day of a desease that can be cured or prevented and (that is) considered as minor in our countries where we can easily buy medicines at the local chemist's as opposed to developing countries where it becomes a lethal epidemic due to the lack of proper treatment, food, hygiene and of drinkable water. Bono realized that this was not a cause but an emergency. These persons//people must be allowed to lead a happy life and enjoy good health. As opposed to us who can benefit from sanitary services, these people do not have enough money//cannot afford these obvious rights because of a most stupid matter of money. Nowadays, money has become much more important than feelings, necessity and human kindness. It should be the opposite, as money is just a frivolous value.
Voilà, je pense avoir respecté vos idées.
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