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Correction- Offshore outsourcing

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction- Offshore outsourcing
Message de sushis posté le 09-12-2010 à 22:19:08 (S | E | F)
Hello, here is my essay about offshore outsourcing.
I hope some people will correct me.
Thank you.

Offshore outsourcing is the practice of hiring external workers to perform some business functions in a country other than the one where the products or services are developed. There are different views on the impact of offshore outsourcing, which reflects the attitude of protectionism versus free-trade.

Some see it as a potential threat to the domestic job market, and domestic investment, in the developed world and ask for government protective measures. They also point out that the offshore outsourcing workers receive low wages. So, they argue that rich countries exploit the poverty orf emergent countries.
Nevertheless, others, especially the countries who receive the work, see it as an important opportunity. Free-trade backers suggest the whole economy will obtain a net benefit from labor offshoring. Firstly, the development of offshore outsourcing has permitted to cut costs. Thanks to the internet, digital data can be accessed and delivered instantly, from and to almost any country in the world. Thus, it allowed companies to hire workers at lowers costs: companies win money so they can invest more and create more jobs. Secondly, as cost are being cut, companies are able to lower the price of final goods and services. Thus, the purchasing power of people raise. Thirdly, although offshore outsourcing workers receive low wages, it is better than before. It is clearly an amelioration for them.

To conclude, offshore outsourcing is a good thing for the world: it is reducing inequalities and raising the global wealth.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 10-12-2010 07:52



Réponse: Correction- Offshore outsourcing de gerondif, postée le 10-12-2010 à 00:33:27 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
vert: correction offerte. rouge ou bleu: à corriger
Offshore outsourcing is the practice of hiring external workers to perform some business functions in a country other than the one where the products or services are developed. There are different views on the impact of offshore outsourcing, which reflects the attitude of protectionism versus free-trade.

Some see it as a potential threat to the domestic job market, and domestic investment, in the developed world and ask for government protective measures. They also point out that the offshore outsourcing workers receive low wages.

So, they argue that rich countries exploit the poverty orf emergent countries.
Nevertheless, others, especially the countries who receive the(benefit by irait mieux) work, see it as an important opportunity. Free-trade backers suggest the whole economy will obtain a net benefit from labor offshoring. Firstly, the development of offshore outsourcing has permitted to cut costs. Thanks to the internet, digital data can be accessed and delivered instantly, from and to almost any country in the world. Thus, it allowed companies to hire workers at lowers costs: companies win(mauvais choix de verbe : to make money, to earn money, to win money at the lottery) money so they can invest more and create more jobs. Secondly, as costs are being cut, companies are able to lower the price of final goods and services. Thus, the purchasing power of people raise. (mauvais choix de verbe : you raise a salary, but the salary rises ; You raise your hands, but the sun rises)Thirdly, although offshore outsourcing workers receive low wages, it is better than before. It is clearly an amelioration(trouvez le nom formé sur to improve) for them.

To conclude, offshore outsourcing is a good thing for the world: it is reducing inequalities and raising the global wealth.




Réponse: Correction- Offshore outsourcing de sushis, postée le 10-12-2010 à 01:27:49 (S | E)
Merci pour la correction !

1) Should I say: "companies make more money"?
Or just: "companies make money"?

2)
>who receive the(benefit by irait mieux) work
Should I say "who receive the benefits"? (I am not sure to have understood)

3) The purchasing power of people rises (I am doing this mistake all the time!).

4) an improvement

Et, au fait, les corrections en vert sont très dure à voir (j'avais déjà remarqué ça dans un autre fil de discussions), peut-être qu'une autre couleur serait préférable ?

Merci beaucoup en tout cas.



Réponse: Correction- Offshore outsourcing de dsmith, postée le 10-12-2010 à 03:32:01 (S | E)
Hello,
Here are some corrections for you:

Offshore outsourcing is the practice of hiring external workers to perform some business functions in a country other than the one where the products or services are developed. There are different views on the impact of offshore outsourcing, which reflects the attitude of protectionism versus free-trade.

Some see it as a potential threat to the domestic job market, and domestic investment, (These commas should be removed) in the developed world and ask for government protective measures. They also point out that the offshore outsourcing workers receive low wages. So, they argue that rich countries exploit the poverty orf emergent (I prefer "emerging" - but may just be a matter of taste) countries.
Nevertheless, others, especially the countries who receive the work, see it as an important opportunity. Free-trade backers suggest the whole economy will obtain a net benefit from labor offshoring. Firstly, the development of offshore outsourcing has permitted (you need to specifify who after permitted...permitted who? or you can simply say "has cut costs") to cut costs. Thanks to the internet, digital data can be accessed and delivered instantly, from and to (typically people say "to and from") almost any country in the world. Thus, it allowed (should use the present tense to agree with the rest of the paragraph) companies to hire workers at lowers costs: companies win (companies and people don't "win" money - they "earn" or "make" money) money so they can invest more and create more jobs. Secondly, as cost (should be plural) are being cut, companies are able to lower the price of final goods and services. Thus, the purchasing power of people raise (is raised or rises or goes up). Thirdly, although offshore outsourcing workers receive low wages, it is better than before. It is clearly an amelioration for them.

To conclude, offshore outsourcing is a good thing for the world: it is reducing inequalities and raising the global wealth.

Excellent paragraph and good English! Congratulations.

Your questions...

Make more money or make money - I think either way is ok.
Who benefit by the work... his suggestion is good. You can also say "the countries who receive the benefit of the work." But it is much simpler the way gerondif suggested - and simpler is better.
I agree "an improvement" is more "English" but I did find amelioration in the dictionary (I had to look - it is rarely used in English).




Réponse: Correction- Offshore outsourcing de sushis, postée le 11-12-2010 à 04:39:53 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !

Je viens d'y penser, mais : "especially the countries who receive the".
Ne devrait pas plutôt être "especially the countries which receive the" ?

Or, sur google, je trouve des "blabla countries who blabla" (ici par exemple : Lien Internet
)

Qu'en est-il ?



Réponse: Correction- Offshore outsourcing de dsmith, postée le 11-12-2010 à 16:19:48 (S | E)
Hello,

Who refers to people, which and that to things or groups.

I would say "countries which"

Lien Internet





Réponse: Correction- Offshore outsourcing de may, postée le 11-12-2010 à 18:34:14 (S | E)
Bonjour

Aussi dans votre phrase suivante

3) The purchasing power of people rises (I am doing this mistake all the time!)

We say make mistake, since mistake is not there for you to do, isn't it?

Cordialement




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