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Commentaire/Great divide

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Commentaire/Great divide
Message de sabrinaaa posté le 13-02-2011 à 10:38:10 (S | E | F)
Hello,

I have to do a comment of a text. I want to know if someone can correct my mistakes please to improve it. Thanks.

It's an oral presentation :

Please help me


INTRODUCTION:
The text is entitled “Across the Great Divide”. It was written by Chris Murray in the society guardian and it was published on the Wednesday 1st October 2008. The text deals with the inequality in the economy of England.
In this text, Chris Murray shows us that there are two divide lines in England. So first I will talk about the first divide line. Then I’m going to speak about the second one.
I) THE FIRST DIVIDE LINE :
In the beginning, Chris Murray explains to us that there is an economic gap in England. It would separate the 3 Northern Regions (which are the North East, The North West and the Yorkshire and Humberside) and the rest of England. He says that the gap had grown to 30 billions pounds. Since 2004, the North have launched an initiative called the Northern Way. It is a 20 year strategy to transform the economy of the North of England. And to do that, three regional development agencies try to boost the economic development of eight city regions in the north. These eight city regions are: Leeds, Sheffield, Manchester, Liverpool, Hull and the Humber Ports, Central Lancashire, Tees Valley and Tyne and Wear. His success will be determined by the 30billion£ output gap will be stopped.
II) THE SECOND DIVIDE LINE :
Then, Chris Murray describes another divide line. It would go from “below the Humber in the east to the south-west coast”. He even quote Danny Dorling, a professor of human geography at the university of Sheffield, who calls the south-west coast “a 100 000£ cliff in house price rises”.
But what Chris Murray wants to explain is not that it wrong to have this divide line, with important cities and less important cities. The real problem is that put all the eggs on one basket can be dangerous. Because if the economy of the main region collapses, the national economy will collapse too.
London is the capital of England and it is also the main city of England. It is rich, prosper and densely populated. But Chris Murray tell us a less-known information : in fact, the combined economies of England’s core cities and their surrounding conurbations (city regions) are greater than that of London. The core cities are eight cities in England, which are major points in their respective regions. There are: Birmingham, Bristol, Leeds, Liverpool, Manchester, Newcastle, Nottingham, Sheffield. They even contribute 25.5 percent of national output, their population is 16 million, which is one third of England’s total. They also account for 18% of the workforce and 25% of those people qualified to degree level or above.
He admit that London is very important: “our cities need London”. But he thinks that England can be contested by another economy. An economy which could do better than London.
To conclude, Chris Murray says that the image of cities has changed. Before, cities were not important but nowadays, they run the economy of a country. For example, the core cities who account for more than 50% of their region’s entire output.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-02-2011 13:14



Réponse: Commentaire/Great divide de celoni, postée le 13-02-2011 à 11:05:45 (S | E)
....published on Wednesday (pas d'article)
the inequalities
Pour "divide lines", ce serait plutôt "dividing" ?
Pas d'article devant Yorkshire
...the North has launched...
La dernière phrase du paragraphe 1st dividing line ne veut rien dire. Il faut la revoir et corriger "his" : Its success...
He even quotes...
...not that it is wrong...
...putting all the eggs in one basket...
It is rich, prosperous...
..Murray tells us...
they even contribute by 25.5% to the national...
He admits...
core cities which account...

A PART CELA C'EST PLUTOT BIEN. GOOD LUCK.



Réponse: Commentaire/Great divide de sabrinaaa, postée le 13-02-2011 à 12:41:53 (S | E)
Okay thank you very much. I'm going to improve it now



Réponse: Commentaire/Great divide de sabrinaaa, postée le 13-02-2011 à 13:27:14 (S | E)
INTRODUCTION:
The text is entitled “Across the Great Divide”. It was written by Chris Murray in the society guardian and it was published on Wednesday 1st October 2008. The text deals with the inequalities in the economy of England.
In this text, Chris Murray shows us that there are two dividing in England. So first I will talk about the first dividing (divide lines). Then I’m going to speak about the second one.
I) THE FIRST DIVIDING :
In the beginning, Chris Murray explains to us that there is an economic gap in England. It would separate the 3 Northern Regions (which are the North East, The North West and Yorkshire and Humberside) and the rest of England. He says that the gap had grown to 30 billions pounds. Since 2004, the North has launched an initiative called the Northern Way. It is a 20 year strategy to transform the economy of the North of England. And to do that, three regional development agencies try to boost the economic development of eight city regions in the north. These eight city regions are: Leeds, Sheffield, Manchester & Liverpool ( mains cities of the North West, dependant of coton, before : called “king cotton or cottonpolis”), Hull and the Humber Ports, Central Lancashire, Tees Valley and Tyne and Wear.


II) THE SECOND DIVIDING :
Then, Chris Murray describes another divide line. It would go from “below the Humber in the east to the south-west coast”. He even quotes Danny Dorling, a professor of human geography at the university of Sheffield, who calls the south-west coast “a 100 000£ cliff in house price rises”.
But what Chris Murray wants to explain is not that it is wrong to have this divide line, with important cities and less important cities. The real problem is that putting all the eggs in one basket can be dangerous. Because if the economy of the main region collapses, the national economy will collapse too.
London is the capital of England and it is also the main city of England. It is rich, prosperous and densely populated. But Chris Murray tells us a less-known information : in fact, the combined economies of England’s core cities and their surrounding conurbations (city regions) are greater than that of London. The core cities are eight cities in England, which are major points in their respective regions. There are: Birmingham, Bristol, Leeds, Liverpool, Manchester, Newcastle, Nottingham, Sheffield. They even contribute by 25.5 percent to the national output, their population is 16 million, which is one third of England’s total. They also account for 18% of the workforce and 25% of those people qualified to degree level or above.
He admits that London is very important: “our cities need London”. But he thinks that England can be contested by another economy. An economy which could do better than London.
To conclude, Chris Murray says that the image of cities has changed. Before, cities were not important but nowadays, they run the economy of a country. For example, the core cities which account for more than 50% of their region’s entire output.
I think this text explain very well the economic inequalities in England because of an industrial revolution for instance. The South has more fertile soil than in North.



Réponse: Commentaire/Great divide de laure95, postée le 13-02-2011 à 14:12:59 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici ce que tu dois encore corriger:
INTRODUCTION:
The text is entitled “Across the Great Divide”. It was written by Chris Murray in the society guardian (majuscule aux 2 mots) and it was published on Wednesday 1st October 2008. The text deals with the inequalities in the economy of England.
In this text, Chris Murray shows us that there are two dividing in England. So first I will talk about the first dividing (divide lines). (dividing lines). Then I’m going to speak about the second one.
I) THE FIRST DIVIDING :
In (pas la bonne préposition) the beginning, Chris Murray explains to us (pas obligatoire) that there is an economic gap in England. It would separate the 3 Northern Regions (which are the North East, The North West and (mettre 1 virgule) Yorkshire and Humberside) and the rest of England. He says that the gap had grown (pourquoi le past perfect? Le present perfect suffit) to 30 billions pounds. Since 2004, the North has launched an initiative called the Northern Way. It is a 20 year strategy (mettre 1 tiret entre chaque mot)to transform the economy of the North of England. And to do that, three regional development agencies try to boost the economic development of eight city regions in the north. These eight city regions are: Leeds, Sheffield, Manchester & Liverpool ( mains (les adjectifs sont invariables) cities of the North West, dependant (orthographe) of coton, before : called “king cotton or cottonpolis”), Hull and the Humber Ports, Central Lancashire, Tees Valley and Tyne and Wear.





Réponse: Commentaire/Great divide de laure95, postée le 13-02-2011 à 14:18:00 (S | E)
Voici la suite et la fin:
II) THE SECOND DIVIDING :
Then, Chris Murray describes another divide line. It would go from “below the Humber in the east to the south-west coast”. He even quotes Danny Dorling, a professor of human geography at the university of Sheffield, who calls the south-west coast “a 100 000£ cliff in house price rises”.
But what Chris Murray wants to explain is not that it is wrong to have this divide line, with important cities and less (LESS + SINGULIER, FEWER + PLURIEL) important cities. The real problem is that putting all the eggs in one basket can be dangerous. Because if the economy of the main region collapses, the national economy will collapse too.
London is the capital of England and it is also the main city of England. It is rich, prosperous and densely populated. But Chris Murray tells us a less-known information : in fact, the combined economies of England’s core cities and their surrounding conurbations (city regions) are greater than that of London. The core cities are eight cities in England, which are major points in their respective regions. There are: Birmingham, Bristol, Leeds, Liverpool, Manchester, Newcastle, Nottingham, Sheffield. They even contribute by 25.5 percent to the national output, their population is 16 million, which is one third of England’s total. They also account for 18% of the workforce and 25% of those people qualified to degree level or above.
He admits that London is very important: “our cities need London”. But he thinks that England can be contested by another economy. An economy which could do better than London.
To conclude, Chris Murray says that the image of cities has changed. Before, cities were not important but nowadays, they run the economy of a country. For example, the core cities which account for more than 50% of their region’s entire output.
I think this text explain (3è personne du singulier du présent!!!) very well the economic inequalities in England because of an industrial revolution for instance. The South has more fertile soil than in the North.




Réponse: Commentaire/Great divide de sabrinaaa, postée le 13-02-2011 à 14:42:39 (S | E)
Thank you very much. I correct all what you said me. I hope it's perfect now



INTRODUCTION:
The text is entitled “Across the Great Divide”. It was written by Chris Murray in the Society Guardian and it was published on Wednesday 1st October 2008. The text deals with the inequalities in the economy of England.
In this text, Chris Murray shows us that there are two dividing in England. So first I will talk about the first dividing lines. Then I’m going to speak about the second one.

I) THE FIRST DIVIDING :
At the beginning, Chris Murray explains that there is an economic gap in England. It would separate the 3 Northern Regions (which are the North East, The North West, Yorkshire and Humberside) and the rest of England. He says that the gap has grown to 30 billions pounds. Since 2004, the North has launched an initiative called the Northern Way. It is a 20-year-strategy to transform the economy of the North of England. And to do that, three regional development agencies try to boost the economic development of eight city regions in the north. These eight city regions are: Leeds, Sheffield, Manchester & Liverpool ( main cities of the North West, dependent of coton, before : called “king cotton or cottonpolis”), Hull and the Humber Ports, Central Lancashire, Tees Valley and Tyne and Wear.


II) THE SECOND DIVIDING :
Then, Chris Murray describes another dividing line. It would go from “below the Humber in the east to the south-west coast”. He even quotes Danny Dorling, a professor of human geography at the university of Sheffield, who calls the south-west coast “a 100 000£ cliff in house price rises”.
But what Chris Murray wants to explain is not that it is wrong to have this dividing line, with important cities and fewer important cities. The real problem is that putting all the eggs in one basket can be dangerous. Because if the economy of the main region collapses, the national economy will collapse too.
London is the capital of England and it is also the main city of England. It is rich, prosperous and densely populated. But Chris Murray tells us less-known information : in fact, the combined economies of England’s core cities and their surrounding conurbations (city regions) are greater than that of London. The core cities are eight cities in England, which are major points in their respective regions. There are: Birmingham, Bristol, Leeds, Liverpool, Manchester, Newcastle, Nottingham, Sheffield. They even contribute by 25.5 percent to the national output, their population is 16 million, which is one third of England’s total. They also account for 18% of the workforce and 25% of those people qualified to degree level or above.
He admits that London is very important: “our cities need London”. But he thinks that England can be contested by another economy. An economy which could do better than London.
To conclude, Chris Murray says that the image of cities has changed. Before, cities were not important but nowadays, they run the economy of a country. For example, the core cities which account for more than 50% of their region’s entire output.
I think this text explains very well the economic inequalities in England because of an industrial revolution for instance. The South has more fertile soil than in the North.



Réponse: Commentaire/Great divide de notrepere, postée le 14-02-2011 à 20:24:27 (S | E)
Bonjour Très bon travail. Deux ou trois petites suggestions.

INTRODUCTION:
The text is entitled “Across the Great Divide”. It was written by Chris Murray in the Society Guardian and it was published on Wednesday 1st October 2008. The text deals with the inequalities in the economy of England.
In this text, Chris Murray shows us that there are two dividing ***** in England. So [à supprimer] first I will talk about the first dividing lines. Then I’m going to speak about the second one.

I) THE FIRST DIVIDING LINE:
At the beginning, Chris Murray explains that there is an economic gap in England[. It would] [je suggère: 'which'] separate [accorde 3eme personne singulier] the 3 Northern Regions (which are the North East, The North West, Yorkshire and Humberside) and the rest of England. He says that the gap has grown to 30 billions pounds. Since 2004, the North has launched an initiative called the Northern Way. It is a 20-year-strategy to transform the economy of the North of England. And to do that, three regional development agencies try [present continuous] to boost the economic development of eight city regions in the north. These eight city regions are: Leeds, Sheffield, Manchester & Liverpool ( main cities of the North West, dependent of coton, before : called “king cotton or cottonpolis”), Hull and the Humber Ports, Central Lancashire, Tees Valley and Tyne and Wear.

II) THE SECOND DIVIDING *****:
Then, Chris Murray describes another dividing line[. It] which would go from “below the Humber in the east to the south-west coast”. He even quotes Danny Dorling, a professor of human geography at the university of Sheffield, who calls the south-west coast “a 100 000£ cliff in house price rises”.
But what Chris Murray wants to explain is not that it is wrong to have this dividing line, with important cities and fewer important cities. The real problem is that putting all the eggs in one basket can be dangerous[.] [il s'agit de continuer la phrase] Because if the economy of the main region collapses, the national economy will collapse too.
London is the capital of England and it is also the main city of England. It is rich, prosperous and densely populated. But Chris Murray tells us less-known information : in fact, the combined economies of England’s core cities and their surrounding conurbations (city regions) are greater than that of London. The core cities are eight cities in England, which are major points in their respective regions. There They are: Birmingham, Bristol, Leeds, Liverpool, Manchester, Newcastle, Nottingham, Sheffield. They even contribute by 25.5 percent to the national output, their population is 16 million, which is one third of England’s total. They also account for 18% of the workforce and 25% of those people qualified to degree level or above.
He admits that London is very important: “our cities need London”. But he thinks that England can be contested by another economy. An economy which could do better than London.
To conclude, Chris Murray says that the image of cities has changed. Before, cities were not important but nowadays, they run the economy of a country. For example, the core cities which account for more than 50% of their region’s entire output.
I think this text explains very well the economic inequalities in England because of an industrial revolution for instance. The South has more fertile soil than in the North.



Réponse: Commentaire/Great divide de sabrinaaa, postée le 14-02-2011 à 13:16:35 (S | E)
Hello, I have to comment a text but I think I made mistakes, can you correct them please ?
Thanks

INTRODUCTION:
The text is entitled “Across the Great Divide”. It was written by Chris Murray in the Society Guardian and it was published on Wednesday 1st October 2008. The text deals with the inequalities in the economy of England.
In this text, Chris Murray shows us that there are two dividing in England. So first I will talk about the first dividing lines. Then I’m going to speak about the second one.

I) THE FIRST DIVIDING :
At the beginning, Chris Murray explains that there is an economic gap in England. It would separate the 3 Northern Regions (which are the North East, The North West, Yorkshire and Humberside) and the rest of England. He says that the gap has grown to 30 billions pounds. Since 2004, the North has launched an initiative called the Northern Way. It is a 20-year-strategy to transform the economy of the North of England. And to do that, three regional development agencies try to boost the economic development of eight city regions in the north. These eight city regions are: Leeds, Sheffield, Manchester & Liverpool ( main cities of the North West, dependent of coton, before : called “king cotton or cottonpolis”), Hull and the Humber Ports, Central Lancashire, Tees Valley and Tyne and Wear.


II) THE SECOND DIVIDING :
Then, Chris Murray describes another dividing line. It would go from “below the Humber in the east to the south-west coast”. He even quotes Danny Dorling, a professor of human geography at the university of Sheffield, who calls the south-west coast “a 100 000£ cliff in house price rises”.
But what Chris Murray wants to explain is not that it is wrong to have this dividing line, with important cities and fewer important cities. The real problem is that putting all the eggs in one basket can be dangerous. Because if the economy of the main region collapses, the national economy will collapse too.
London is the capital of England and it is also the main city of England. It is rich, prosperous and densely populated. But Chris Murray tells us less-known information : in fact, the combined economies of England’s core cities and their surrounding conurbations (city regions) are greater than that of London. The core cities are eight cities in England, which are major points in their respective regions. There are: Birmingham, Bristol, Leeds, Liverpool, Manchester, Newcastle, Nottingham, Sheffield. They even contribute by 25.5 percent to the national output, their population is 16 million, which is one third of England’s total. They also account for 18% of the workforce and 25% of those people qualified to degree level or above.
He admits that London is very important: “our cities need London”. But he thinks that England can be contested by another economy. An economy which could do better than London.
To conclude, Chris Murray says that the image of cities has changed. Before, cities were not important but nowadays, they run the economy of a country. For example, the core cities which account for more than 50% of their region’s entire output.
I think this text explains very well the economic inequalities in England because of an industrial revolution for instance. The South has more fertile soil than in the North.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 14-02-2011 20:43

Sujet fusionné avec l'ancien; voir la réponse de notrepere juste au-dessus.



Réponse: Commentaire/Great divide de sabrinaaa, postée le 14-02-2011 à 20:55:23 (S | E)
Merci notrepere mais il y a seulement une erreur que je n'ai pas comprise : c'est "IN the Society Guardian"; pourquoi vous avez-vous mis IN en rouge ? Je ne comprends pas pourquoi la prépostion est fausse, pouvez-vous m'expliquer s'il vous plait ?

Cordialement

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 14-02-2011 20:58




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