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Correction /nightmare at sea

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction /nightmare at sea
Message de sandria posté le 20-02-2011 à 20:22:17 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous corriger mon texte s'il vous plait, me dire où j'ai des fautes?

Sujet:
Tell a story about a nightmare at sea.
-Decide on your nightmare.
*You can choose a shipwreck (Titanic), a problem with fishes (Jaws), a mutiny (The Bounty), pirates (Pirates of the Caribbean), an explorer's difficulties, an imaginary situation, a dream, etc.
-Write a rough draft. Then correct and rewrite.
*Decide if you are the main character("i")or if you are writing about his/her("(s)he").
*Make the reader want to read your story presentation & suspense.
Use a computer if you can.


Voici mon texte :

I go on a cruise in a beautiful and big boat, we are many passengers. There a dance floor, music, a restaurant. We are in our cabin when we hear a big noise that do tremble the boat. We go all on the bridge to see what happens and there we see a big large whale that bang the boat. People are terrified, they cried. The captain takes his gun and tries to kill the whale but she bangs stronger and makes a hole in the boat. The boat begins to sink and everyone panics, cries. There are peoples who jump. We are all scare of the wale because she is enormous. Peoples cry "we go we to drown". There are peoples who can not swim. There unsrest.The boat begins to sink. The captain does an appeal for help for radio for that we can save us. But the boat sinks and i think that it's the end, i will die. I cry and i wake up. I look around me but i am in my bed, in my bedroom. It was a nightmare.

Merci d'avance.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-02-2011 20:38



Réponse: Correction /nightmare at sea de notrepere, postée le 21-02-2011 à 01:19:05 (S | E)
Bonjour

Il est probable que votre traduction provient d'une traducteur automatique. Néanmoins, il faut respecter le temps de narration et alors employer le temps qui reflète au mieux la pensée. Il s'agit d'employer le présent ou le passé mais pas les deux.

Voyez ces liens:

Lien Internet


Lien Internet


Proposez votre propre traduction.

Cordialement

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 21-02-2011 07:50
Je crois que c'est un horrible mot à mot, pire qu'un traducteur...




Réponse: Correction /nightmare at sea de sandria, postée le 21-02-2011 à 19:23:32 (S | E)
Bonjour,
j'ai déjà posté ce sujet mais j'ai fait un nouveau texte car j'avais oublié de marquer une consigne et l'autre sujet je n'arrive pas à le supprimer.

Tell a story about a nightmare at sea.
-Decide on your nightmare.
*You can choose a shipwreck (Titanic), a problem with fishes (Jaws), a mutiny (The Bounty), pirates (Pirates of the Caribbean), an explorer's difficulties, an imaginary situation, a dream, etc.
-Write a rough draft. Then correct and rewrite.
*Decide if you are the main character("i")or if you are writing about his/her("(s)he").
*Make the reader want to read your story presentation & suspense.
Use a computer if you can.

Help :
Narration : preterite
dialogue : present tense
one paragraph for each episode in the story


Voici mes réponses :
Bonjour,
Voici mon texte :
I WENT on a cruise in a beautiful and big boat, THERE IS many passengers. There IS a dance floor, SOME music AND a restaurant. We are in our cabin when we HEARD a big noise that MADE THE BOAT SHAKE. We ALL WENT on the bridge to see what HAPPENED and there, WE SAW a big whale that JUST KEEP ON HITTING the boat. People are terrified AND ARE CRYING. The captain takes OUT his gun and tries to kill the whale but she HIT REALLY HARD ON THE BOAT and made a hole in it. The boat begins to to sink and everyone panics and cries. There IS people who ARE JUMPING OFF OF THE BOAT. We are all SCARED of the whalebecause she's enormous.People SCREAM "we ARE GOING TO drown".
There IS people who can't swim AND THAT'S MAKING UNREST. ("The boat gegins to sink" tu te répète phrase a retiré.) The captain MADE AN SOS CALL ON THE RADIO. But the boat is sinking and i think that it's the end, I'M GOING TO DIE! I SCREAMED THEN WOKE UP, i look around AND I FOUND MYSELF ON MY BED. It was JUST a nightmare.

Voilà, pouvez-vous corriger le texte s'il vous plait, me dire où il y a des fautes... s'il vous plait. Merci d'avance.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 21-02-2011 19:29
2e texte fusionné; merci de poster à la suite quand il s'agit du même thème.




Réponse: Correction /nightmare at sea de notrepere, postée le 21-02-2011 à 19:48:06 (S | E)
Bonjour!

Vous avez dit:


Narration : preterite
dialogue : present tense


Exactement! But most of your verbs are in present tense. The rest of your text is not too bad. If you fix the verb tense problem, then we can proceed to see what problems remain.

Cordialement



Réponse: Correction /nightmare at sea de sandria, postée le 21-02-2011 à 20:50:32 (S | E)
Bonjour,
j'ai encore refait mon texte pouvez vous me le corriger s'il vous plait.

Voici mon texte :

I went on a cruise on a beautiful and big boat,there were many passengers. There was a dance floor, some music and a restaurant.

We were in our cabin when we heard a big noise that made the boat shake. We all went on the deck to see what happened and there, we saw a big whale that just kept on hitting the boat.

People were terrified and were crying. The captain took out his gun and tried to kill the whale but she hit really hard on the boat and made a hole in it. The boat began to sink and everyone panicked and screamed. Some people were jumping off the boat. We were all scared because the whale was enormous.People were screaming "we are going to get drown".
The captain made an SOS call on the radio. But the boat was sinking and i thought that it's the end, I was going to die! I screamed then woke up, i looked around and i found myself on my bed. It was just a nightmare.



Réponse: Correction /nightmare at sea de violet91, postée le 21-02-2011 à 22:33:56 (S | E)

Je ne fais que passer : bonsoir ! Permettez-moi de hurler dans mon coin et sur le sIIIIIte : le pronom "I" est né et mourra avec une majuscule quelle que soit sa place.



Réponse: Correction /nightmare at sea de lucile83, postée le 21-02-2011 à 22:39:45 (S | E)
Hello violet

Ne sois pas impatiente, sandria n'est que depuis 24h sur ce texte...elle va s'empresser de corriger ces 'i' ....



Réponse: Correction /nightmare at sea de notrepere, postée le 21-02-2011 à 22:48:26 (S | E)
Hello

Très bien maintenant!

People were terrified and were crying. The captain took out his gun and tried to kill the whale but she [nom féminin français; en anglais il faut utiliser 'it'] hit really hard on the boat and made a hole in it. The boat began to sink and everyone panicked and screamed. Some people were jumping off the boat. We were all scared because the whale was enormous.People were screaming "we are going to get [à supprimer] drown".
The captain made an SOS call on the radio. But the boat was sinking and i thought that it's [= it IS = présent] the end, I was going to die! I screamed then woke up, i looked around and i found myself on my bed. It was just a nightmare.




Réponse: Correction /nightmare at sea de sandria, postée le 21-02-2011 à 22:54:00 (S | E)
et le début : I went on a cruise on a beautiful and big boat,there were many passengers. There was a dance floor, some music and a restaurant.

We were in our cabin when we heard a big noise that made the boat shake. We all went on the deck to see what happened and there, we saw a big whale that just kept on hitting the boat.

c'est bon ?

et dans le reste, que tu as corrigé il n'y avait pas d'autres fautes ?
et j'ai fait des paragraphes car il le dise dans la consigne mais est ce que le 3ème paragraphe est trop long ? Y a-t-il un quatrième paragraphe ?

-------------------
Modifié par sandria le 21-02-2011 23:33






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