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Correction/Présentation orale

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/Présentation orale
Message de lucieb posté le 05-06-2011 à 12:01:49 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,

Mardi je passe un oral d'anglais pour mon BTS en candidat libre et j'ai une présentation personnelle à faire.
J'aimerais beaucoup que quelqu’un la corrige et il y a certains débuts de phrases où il y a des blancs car je ne sais pas
comment cela se dit.
Voilà mon texte (vous allez voir je ne suis pas super forte en anglais)^^:

my name is lucie and i am twenty two years old.
"j'ai obtenue" with success my CAP aesthetic "en" two thousand and six and my baccalaureat too.
"en" two thousand and ten "j'ai passé une première fois le BTS esthétique" (two years post bac) but i don't "obtenue"
the diploma.
so "c'est pour cela que je le repasse" this year and i hope make a success.
because, later i would be teacher aesthetic and to be teacher must necessarily have the BTS and three years professionnal experience.
futhermore,curently i work in SPA/FITNESS at Poitiers. i love this job, it was my dream to work in a SPA, and recently my manager
"m'a dit qu'il me gardait en CDI" i was very happy.
therefore, the june twenty seven with one the other employee, "nous allons a une formation pour la marque PAYOT a Paris" for a week.
at my job the days are continues but i have thirty minutes for lunch.
often i start at ten o'clock AM and finish at six o'clock PM. during my days i realize body care, massage, skin care, depilation, manicury, selling "etc"
there are two week i realize a massage on a person which talk english and it was difficult because "je manquait de vocabulaire".
otherwise when i don't work i like read or "faire de la voile (make sailling boat ou sail simplement?)" on lake next Poitiers with my boyfriend because he is monitor of sail.


Je suis pas sûre que ce soit très brillant, mais même si vous avez des commentaires sur le texte je suis preneuse!!!!
Merci de votre compréhension et de votre attention!
Cordialement,
lucie.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-06-2011 12:04


Réponse: Correction/Présentation orale de headway, postée le 05-06-2011 à 18:39:15 (S | E)
Bonjour,

J'apporte quelques petites corrections:

"my (Une phrase commence par une majuscule) name is lucie (Nom propre) and i (Le pronom personnel "je" s'écrit toujours "I" am twenty two years old.
"j'ai obtenue" with success(Cherchez la traduction du verbe: réussir/ utilisez un adverbe) my CAP aesthetic (Parlez-vous de "Beauty treatment? Ou autre?)"en"(Remplacez le 'e' de "en" par une autre voyelle et vous aurez le terme en anglais) two thousand and six and my baccalaureat(A-Levels en Grande-Bretagne/ Leaving Certificate en Irlande) too.

"en" two thousand and ten "j'ai passé une première fois le BTS esthétique" (two years post bac) but i don't "obtenue"
the diploma.
Passez un examen: To sit for an exam/To take an exam.
Je ne l'ai pas obtenu---> J'ai échoué.
so "c'est pour cela que je le repasse"( C'est pourquoi/ C'est la raison pour laquelle) this year and i hope make a success.( Vous cherchez trop à traduire mot-à-mot.)
because, later i would be Il manque un articleteacher aesthetic and to be (même remarque.)teacher must necessarily have the BTS and three years professionnal experience.



Je reviens pour la suite:
futhermore,curently i work in SPA/FITNESS at Poitiers. i love this job, it was my dream to work in a SPA, and recently my manager
"m'a dit qu'il me gardait en CDI" i was very happy.
therefore, the june twenty seven with one the other employee, "nous allons a une formation pour la marque PAYOT a Paris" for a week.
at my job the days are continues but i have thirty minutes for lunch.
often i start at ten o'clock AM and finish at six o'clock PM. during my days i realize body care, massage, skin care, depilation, manicury, selling "etc"
there are two week i realize a massage on a person which talk english and it was difficult because "je manquait de vocabulaire".
otherwise when i don't work i like read or "faire de la voile (make sailling boat ou sail simplement?)" on lake next Poitiers with my boyfriend because he is monitor of sail."

A plus tard.

Headway.





Réponse: Correction/Présentation orale de lucieb, postée le 05-06-2011 à 21:15:17 (S | E)
Hello,

M
erci pour ce début de correction, voilà un nouveau texte qui est fini (enfin théoriquement);j'ai corrigé avec vos anecdotes et j'ai rajouté quelques sujets...j'aimerais aussi avoir votre avis s'il est "pertinent"?!
de plus pour "aesthetic" c'est dans le sens des soins de la peau, du corps, des massages...

My name is Lucie, I leave at Poitiers and i'm twenty years old. I have one sister who is younger than me.
She is eigtheen years old.
After my BEPC, I taked a CAP aesthetic with success in two thousand and six.
In two thousand and eight I takes my A-levels professionnel aesthetic with success too.
The last year I taked for the first time the BTS aesthetic (two years after A-levels)
but I failled, that's why I passed for the second time.
Moreover, later I would like be a teacher thta's why I need absolutely of this diplmoa and three years professionnal experience.
During my studies I make several training periode, in perfumery, in beauty parlor and
(my best professionnal experience) presenter and saleswoman for MAKE UP FOR EVER, because I make up all day and I like it.
In perfumery I sales products and give advice, then in beauty parlor I realized body car, skin car an depilation.
Futhermore, currently i work in SPA/FITNESS at Poitiers. I love this job, it was my dream to work in SPA,
and recently my manager told me that he keeps me for a time indeterminate. I was very happy.
Therefore, the june twenty seven, with one other employee we got a training of the brand PAYOT during a week.
At my workplace days are continuous but I have thirty minutes for lunch.
Often I start my job at ten o'clock AM and finish at six o'clock PM. During my days I realize body care, massage, skin care, depilation, manicury, selling...
Beside, there is two week I realize a massage on a person which talk english and it was difficult because I missed vocabulary as bathrobe, locker, disposable string, slippers...
Otherwise, when I don't work I like reading or sailling on the lake next to Poitiers.

sinon j'ai quelques questions sur certains point précis:
-comment ont dit d'ailleurs?
-si la façon de donner mes horaires sont bon ou s'il y a une meilleur façon d'en parler...?!
-comment on dit ETC en anglais.
-si bahtrobe est un bon choix pour dire peignoir?!

Vraiment merci beaucoup pour votre aide.
Lucie.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-06-2011 21:18



Réponse: Correction/Présentation orale de headway, postée le 05-06-2011 à 22:14:59 (S | E)
Re-bonsoir,

"My name is Lucie, I leave (Vivre/habiter: To live.) at (Mauvaise préposition.) Poitiers and i'm twenty years old. I have one sister who is younger than me.
She is eigtheen years old.
After my BEPC (DGSE, en anglais.), I taked (To take=verbe irrégulier.) a CAP aesthetic with success in two thousand and six.
In two thousand and eight I takes my A-levels professionnel (Orthographe.)aesthetic with success too.
The last year I taked for the first time (En fin de phrase.)the BTS aesthetic (two years after A-levels)
but I failled, that's why I passed (Tenez compte de mon premier post.) for the second time.
Moreover, later I would like be a teacher thta's why I need absolutely of this diplmoa and three years XXX(Il manque quelque chose.)professionnal experience.
During my studies I make several training periode (Mettre au pluriel.), in perfumery(Departments?), in beauty parlor and
(my best professionnal experience) presenter and saleswoman for MAKE UP FOR EVER, because I make up all day and I like it.


Je dois vous quitter pour ce soir.

Headway.



Réponse: Correction/Présentation orale de lucieb, postée le 05-06-2011 à 22:34:52 (S | E)
Encore merci pour ce début de recorrection ^^, j'aime bien votre façon de corriger; ça m'oblige à chercher les réponses et c'est super,
je me rends compte que pour certaines j'aurais pu faire attention. Sinon pour le mot qui manque je ne vois pas du tout lequel, je pense peut-être trois ans de plus ou en plus/après... à part ça je ne vois pas.



My name is Lucie, I live in Poitiers and I'm twenty years old. I have one sister who is younger than me. She is eigtheen years old.
After my DGSE, I take a CAP aesthetic with success in two thousand and six.
In two thousand and eight I take my A-levels professionnal aesthetic with success too.
The last year I take the BTS aesthetic (two years after A-levels) for the first time but I failled, that's why I take for the second time.
Moreover, later I would like be a teacher that's why I need absolutely of this diplmoa and three years XXX professionnal experience.
During my studies I makes several training periodes, in perfumery in, in beauty parlor and (my best professionnal experience) presenter and saleswoman for MAKE UP FOR EVER, because I make up all day and I like it.
In perfumery I sales products and give advice, then in beauty parlor I realized body car, skin car an depilation.
Futhermore, currently i work in SPA/FITNESS at Poitiers. I love this job, it was my dream to work in SPA, and recently my manager told me that he keeps me for a time indeterminate. I was very happy.
Therefore, the june twenty seven, with one other employee we got a training of the brand PAYOT during a week.
At my workplace days are continuous but I have thirty minutes for lunch.
Often I start my job at ten o'clock AM and finish at six o'clock PM. During my days I realize body care, massage, skin care, depilation, manicury, selling...
Beside, there is two week I realize a massage on a person which talk english and it was difficult because I missed vocabulary as bathrobe, locker, disposable string, slippers...
Otherwise, when I don't work I like reading or sailling on the lake next to Poitiers.

Bonsoir,
lucie.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 06-06-2011 05:56



Réponse: Correction/Présentation orale de notrepere, postée le 06-06-2011 à 06:47:29 (S | E)
Hello

En rose : faute d'orthographe

My name is Lucie, I live in Poitiers and I'm twenty years old. I have one sister who is younger than me. She is eigtheen years old.
After my DGSE, I take (1) a CAP aesthetic with success in two thousand and six.
In two thousand and eight I take (1) my A-levels professionnal aesthetic with success too.
The (2) last year I take (1) the BTS aesthetic (two years after A-levels) for the first time but I failled, that's why I take (1) (3) for the second time.

(1) au passé comme le dit headway
(2) inutile
(3) pronom manquant

Moreover, later I would like be a teacher that's why I need absolutely (4) of (2) this diplmoa and three years XXX professionnal experience.

(4) en générale, on met l'adverbe entre le sujet et le verbe.

During my studies I makes (5) several training periodes, in perfumery in (2), in (6) beauty parlor and (my best professionnal experience) presenter and saleswoman for MAKE UP FOR EVER, because I make up all day and I like it (7).
In perfumery I sales (1) products and give (1) advice, then in (6) beauty parlor I realized body car (8), skin car (8) an depilation .
Furthermore, currently I work in SPA/FITNESS at Poitiers. I love this job, it was my dream to work in SPA, and recently my manager told me that he keeps (9) me for a time indeterminate (10). I was very happy.

(5) do or make; pas 'make'; il faut mettre au passé
(6) article manquant
(7) incompréhensible; que voulez-vous dire? You put makeup on other people all day?
(8) orthographe; car = une voiture
(9) forme progressive
(10) ordre des mots

Therefore, the (2) (11)june twenty seven, with one other employee we got a training of the brand PAYOT during (12) a week.
At my workplace days are continuous but I have thirty minutes for lunch.
Often I start my job at ten o'clock AM and finish at six o'clock PM. During my days I realize (13) body care, massage, skin care, depilation , manicury, selling...

(11) il faut une préposition
(12) depuis une semaine? autre traduction du mot depuis
(13) pas le bon verbe; This is what I do during the day...

Besides, there is two week I realize a massage on a person which talk english and it was difficult because I missed vocabulary as bathrobe, locker, disposable string, slippers... (14)
Otherwise, when I don't work I like reading or sailling on the lake next to Poitiers.

(14) cette phrase n'a pas vraiment de sens. Il faut la refaire.



Réponse: Correction/Présentation orale de lucieb, postée le 06-06-2011 à 19:48:21 (S | E)

voila j'ai essayé de corrigé comme je pouvais, mais par exemple pour la forme progressive je sais pas trop se que c'est donc je ne sais pas si c'est juste.j'ai refait la dernière phrase et rajouté un ou deux truc. je pense que je dois arrivé au bout ^^



My name is Lucie, I live in Poitiers and I'm twenty years old. I have one sister who is younger than me. She is eighteen years old.
After my DGSE, I take a CAP aesthetic with success in two thousand and six.
In two thousand and eight I took my A-levels professional aesthetic with success too.
Last year I took the BTS aesthetic (two years after A-levels) for the first time but I failed, that's why I took it for the second time.
Moreover, later I would like be a teacher that's why I absolutely need this diploma and three years professionnal experience.
During my studies I does several training periods, in perfumery , in a beauty parlor and (my best professional experience) presenter and saleswoman for MAKE UP FOR EVER, because I make up people all day and I like it.
In perfumery I sold products and gave advice, then in a beauty parlor I realized body care, skin care an depilation.
Furthermore, currently I work in SPA/FITNESS at Poitiers. There are six employee , one manager and two physiotherapist. I love this job, it was my dream to work in SPA, and recently my manager told me that he keeping me for a indeterminate. time . I was very happy.
Therefore, a June twenty seven, with one other employee we got a training of the brand PAYOT during a week.
At my workplace days are continuous but I have thirty minutes for lunch.
Often I start my job at ten o'clock AM and finish at six o'clock PM. During my days I practise body care, massage, skin care, depilation, manicury, selling...
Beside, there is two week I have practise a massage on an Americaine and it was difficult to speak her because I missed vocabulary, as bathrobe, locker, disposable string, slippers...
Otherwise, when I don't work I like reading or sailling on the lake next to Poitiers or for exemple at the moment i prepare my intended move.




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