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Essai/A week in London

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Essai/A week in London
Message de isayvalau posté le 04-11-2011 à 18:32:17 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

Pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plaît car j'aimerais savoir si ce texte est juste.
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses.

Intro :

We‘ll present you a school where english teachers decided to organise a scholar trip. The teachers and the students will spend one week to London.

Monday morning:
The twenty third Monday of October, we have an appointment to Geneva Airport to board direction London. Finally landed, we took our luggage and we got down to the underground station. So, we took the underground to go to the hotel whose name “Hotel Annexe Rooms “. This hotel is situated in the west of London and he cost one hundred and six pounds (196£) for one person. The breakfast and the dinner are included in the price. During this end of morning, the hotel presents us different security rules to respect. Next to these explications, we receive free picnic thanks to the hotel.

Monday afternoon :
The students and the teachers went to the Covent Garden whose an incredible hall with splendid shops. After a few hours, the children were tired so we decided to go back to the hotel for the lunch.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 04-11-2011 18:40


Réponse: Essai/A week in London de robertbrou, postée le 07-11-2011 à 19:09:39 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Vous mélangez le temps des verbes. Au début, vous parlez de l'avenir mais vous utilisez le passé après.
Vert=proposition offerte; Rose=à revoir; Bleu=c'est correct mais il y a une meilleure possibilité

Intro :

We‘ll present you a school (C'est un voyage à une école?) where the English teachers decided to organise a scholar (souvent indique que les étudiants sont érudits) trip. The teachers and the students will spend one week to (revoir à=to,at,in; "to" ne marche pas dans ce contexte) London.

Monday morning:
The twenty third Monday of October (23ième lundi?), we have an appointment (double cliquez sur rendez-vous, voir #2 ou #4) to Geneva Airport to board direction our flight to London. Finally landed, we took (temps) our luggage and we got (temps) down to the underground station. So, (revoir ensuite) we took (temps) the underground to go to the hotel whose name “Hotel Annexe Rooms “. This hotel is situated in the west of London and he (he=personne; it=chose) costs one hundred and (manque un mot) six pounds (196£) for one person. The Breakfast and the dinner are included in the price. During this end of morning [voici la transition: early morning (00-06h, morning(07-09/10h), late morning 09h30-11h59], the hotel presents (temps) us different the security rules to respect. Next to (à côté de? - revoir ensuite) these explications, we receive (temps) free picnic thanks to (double cliquer compliments et voir "Compound forms") the hotel.

Monday afternoon :

(A noter: Ce paragraphe de ne va pas avec tout ce qui précède. Au dessus, c'est un programme de ce que l'on va faire, mais au dessous c'est un résumé de ce qui est déjà arrivé. La dernière phrase ne va pas du tout avec ce projet, à moins que ceci soit un résumé.)

The students and the teachers went (temps) to the Covent Garden whose an incredible hall (il paraît manquer quelque chose) with splendid shops. After a few hours, the children were tired so we decided to go back to the hotel for the lunch.

Hope this helps!





Réponse: Essai/A week in London de isayvalau, postée le 07-11-2011 à 21:17:08 (S | E)
Hello,
Thank you for your response.


We’re going to present you a school trip we would like to organize with our english teacher. It’s a one week trip in London, visiting and shopping. We’ll go there by plane, direct from Geneva to Heathrow and we found an hotel situated in the west part of London.

Monday morning:

On Monday morning, the twelfth of December, we have an appointment in Geneva Airport to board our flight to London. We’ll land in Heathrow and take the underground direct to Victoria Station. We’ll walk to the hotel “Regents Hotel “. We’ll lay our luggage there and during this end of morning, the hotel will give us free picnic.

Monday afternoon :

The students and the teachers will go to Covent Garden whose an incredible hall with splendid shops. The students will be very happy and will buy a lot of things. After a few hours, the children will be tired so we’ll decide to go back to the hotel for lunch.

Cost of the trip per student:
A plane return ticket in economy class cost 80€, the hotel costs 180€ included breakfast and dinner. The trip cost 350€

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 07-11-2011 21:21



Réponse: Essai/A week in London de robertbrou, postée le 09-11-2011 à 19:30:50 (S | E)
Bonjour,

We’re going to present you a school trip we would like to organize with our english teacher. It’s a one week trip in London, visiting and shopping. We’ll go there by plane, direct from Geneva to Heathrow and we found an hotel situated in the west part of London.

Monday morning:

On Monday morning, the twelfth of December, we have an appointment in (revoir mon commentaire original) Geneva Airport to board our flight to London. We’ll land in Heathrow and take the underground direct to Victoria Station. We’ll walk to the hotel “Regents Hotel “. We’ll lay (je crois que "laisser" va mieux ici) our luggage there and during this end of morning (revoir mon commentaire original), the hotel will give us a free picnic.

Monday afternoon :

The students and the teachers will go to Covent Garden whose an incredible hall (revoir mon commentaire original) with splendid shops. The students will be very happy and will buy a lot of things (oui, c'est grammaticalement correct, mais je mentionnerais la popularité de cette excursion). After a few hours, the children will be tired so we’ll decide to go back to the hotel for lunch (? - Les heures de "lunch" sont de 11h30-14h00. Peut-être voulez-vous dire "snack" ou bien "afternoon tea" ?)

Cost of the trip per student:
A plane return (seulement le retour?) ticket in economy class costs 80€, the hotel costs 180€ included (placement) breakfast and dinner. The total cost of the trip cost is 350€.

Hope this helps!




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