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Meurtre/Correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Meurtre/Correction
Message de samro posté le 27-11-2011 à 10:08:46 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

Pouvez-vous s'il vous plaît m'aider à corriger ces phrases d'un sketch concernant une scène de meurtre que nous devons faire en classe.
Merci beaucoup.
Cordialement
Samro.

Walter : It all happened last sunday evening at 10 o'clock. A man stole wood in the private property when the owner caught him red hanted.
→ Patterson stole wood, jérémy saw him.

Jérémy : What are you doing here ?! Who did let you go ?!

Walter : Lewis saw a man, he launched him wood. The property begane to insult and to threaten.
→ Robinson to be panick, to run again.

Walter : Lewis angry and alcoolic shot the mane with his rifle. A murderer get rid of his weapon and to go came back at home,he was thoughtless of the crime qu'il venait de commettre. Next day, a man walked when sudenly he looked a corpse in the floore. He called imediatly a police. She went at the scene.

Morris : Good morning i'm police officer.

Robinson : Hello, what i can do for you ?

Morris : Do you know this man and do you know whose wood this ?

Robinson : I never see this person the wood is to the man in this house hust there i can say the patch to this, it's simple.

Walter : They go to residence and knock at the door.

Morris : «Tok Tok» Good morning, I investigate about a murder which was committed last night in your property.

Morris : Have you heard or saw something strange ?

Lewis : I went to the supermarket in late afternoon then I went to the pub a side tne cinema, humm.. is name is heppy drinking and i come backe to my home around twenty o'clock.

Morris : Al right, I would like to know if you have a weapon ?

Lewis : Yes I am a hunter since 10 years.

Walter : After few minutes the policeman remark That he wear cartridges belt and he
well-know just as cartdridges the one of crime scene.

Morris : Are they your cartridges ?

Lewis : Yes I was going to hunting with friends, but y not find my shot gun.

Morris : It's fishy, every Sunday afternoon, the stores are closed. Moreover, I found the same cartridges on the place of the crime. This evidence is sufficiently pertinent to arrest you. Last question : are you guilty ?

Lewis : I can't not remenber last night i had too drunk and when i saw him, i'm angry and i took my gun loaded and i pressed the trigger towards a person who stealing my wood,but I just wanted to scare him and never to kill.

Walter : Lewis Admitted the murder. Hepassed in front of a judge go to the prison for 15 years.


-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 27-11-2011 11:52


Réponse: Meurtre/Correction de gerondif, postée le 27-11-2011 à 10:47:54 (S | E)
Bonjour,
ce texte est fort maladroit et donne juste envie de commettre un autre meurtre!

Vous avez dû passer un texte français mal ficelé à la moulinette du traducteur, ou vous en inspirer. Vous commettez les fautes les plus élémentaires, l'orthographe est déficiente, les structures bâclées, la concordance des temps ignorée, par exemple: A man was stealing (volait, imparfait) wood in the private property when the owner caught him red-hanted.

Vous faites toutes les fautes qu'un sixième qui apprendrait ses leçons ne doit pas faire, par exemple:

i'm police officer. I am a police-officer: "a" devant les noms de métier.

whose wood this ? Whose book is it ? Whose book is this ? inversion et présence du verbe/auxiliaire être dans la question.
Do you know whose piece of wood it is? en style indirect.

y not find I didn't find: savoir écrire je (I) et utiliser l'auxiliaire en forme négative.

I can't not remenber Identifier n't comme étant la contraction de not: I can't remember.

Il y aurait trop de choses à redresser dans ce texte à mon avis issu d'un traducteur en partie:
"he was thoughtless of the crime qu'il venait de commettre." Vous laissez même des morceaux de français.

Si vous voulez présenter celà à l'oral, travaillez le un peu.





Réponse: Meurtre/Correction de gerondif, postée le 27-11-2011 à 11:06:29 (S | E)
Bonjour,
partons à la chasse aux choses à corriger:

Walter : It all happened last sunday evening at 10 o'clock. A man stole wood in the private property when the owner caught him red hanted.
→ Patterson stole wood, jérémy saw him.

Jérémy : What are you doing here ?! Who did let you go ?!

Walter : Lewis saw a man, he launched him wood. The property begane to insult and to threaten.
→ Robinson to be panick, to run again.

Walter : Lewis angry and alcoolic shot the mane with his rifle. A murderer get rid of his weapon and to go came back at home,he was thoughtless of the crime qu'il venait de commettre. *** Next day, a man walked when sudenly he looked a corpse in the floore. He called imediatly a police. She went at the scene.

Morris : Good morning i'm police officer.
Robinson : Hello, what i can do for you ?

Morris : Do you know this man and do you know whose wood this ?

Robinson : I never see this person the wood is to the man in this house hust there i can say the patch to this, it's simple.

Walter : They go to residence and knock at the door.

Morris : «Tok Tok» Good morning, I investigate about a murder which was committed last night in your property.

Morris : Have you heard (mauvais temps) or saw something strange ?

Lewis : I went to the supermarket in late afternoon then I went to the pub a side tne cinema, humm.. is name is heppy drinking and i come backe to my home around twenty o'clock.Morris : Al right, I would like to know if you have a weapon ?

Lewis : Yes I am a hunter since 10 years.

Walter : After a few minutes the policeman remark That he wear cartridges belt and he
well-know just as cartdridges the one of crime scene.

Morris : Are they your cartridges ?

Lewis : Yes I was going to hunting with friends, but y not find my shot gun.

Morris : It's fishy, every Sunday afternoon, the stores are closed. Moreover, I found the same cartridges on the place of the crime. This evidence is sufficiently pertinent to arrest you. Last question : are you guilty ?

Lewis : I can't not remenber last night i had too drunk and when i saw him, i'm angry and i took my gun loaded and i pressed the trigger towards a person who was stealing my wood,but I just wanted to scare him and never to kill.

Walter : Lewis Admitted the murder. He passed in front of a judge go to the prison for 15 years.





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