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Correction/mariage

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/mariage
Message de olyday posté le 21-03-2012 à 18:40:31 (S | E | F)


Pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plaît à corriger les fautes de mon expression écrite sur une jeune fille victime d'un mariage forcé ?
Je vous remercie par avance

What we have here is a testimony by Lena who is 19 years old today and who was a victim of a forced marriage. Indeed, his father persecuted her when he learnt that she had a boyfriend and he threatened her into marrying a man that she had never seen before.
She was scared by the overbearing behaviour of her father because he cut off her hair and prevented her from going out.
The argument of the father is paradoxical because he says that if Lena had a boyfirend, this is against their culture and religion but in the same time he chooses a boyfriend for her.
Lena didn’t receive any supports of the rest of her family and facing this persecution she tried to commit suicide.
Lena was thus alone and abandoned in this situation and it’s very important to speak about the forced mariage which remains very frequent nowadays and which affects directly the human rights.
To finished, it seems also useful to set up telephone numbers for example to listen and give the victims help.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 21-03-2012 20:58


Réponse: Correction/mariage de gerondif, postée le 21-03-2012 à 20:11:48 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

What we have here is a testimony by Lena who is 19 years old today and who was a victim of a forced marriage. Indeed, his father persecuted her when he learnt that she had a boyfriend and he threatened her into marrying a man that she had never seen before.
She was scared by the overbearing behaviour of her father because he cut off her hair and prevented her from going out.
The argument of the father is paradoxical because he says that if Lena had (plutôt since Lena has (puisque)) a boyfriend, this (it irait mieux)is against their culture and religion but in the same time he chooses a boyfriend for her.
Lena didn’t receive any supports of (de la part de, origine)the rest of her family and facing this persecution she tried to commit suicide.
Lena was thus alone and abandoned in this situation and it’s very important to speak about the forced mariage (pluriel) which remain(donc sans s) very frequent nowadays and which affect directly the human rights.
To finished, it also (place de l'adverbe)seems useful to set up telephone numbers for example to listen and give the victims some help.




Réponse: Correction/mariage de olyday, postée le 21-03-2012 à 20:17:55 (S | E)
Merci pour votre aide, bonne soirée !



Réponse: Correction/mariage de sherry48, postée le 21-03-2012 à 21:00:33 (S | E)
Hello olyday.
Gerondif has already shown you most of the problems, but also take another look at these areas.
Indeed, his father persecuted her ...
The argument of the father is paradoxical because he says that if Lena had a boyfirend, this is against their culture and religion but ...(You could also say more directly...he says it is against their culture and religion for...)
Lena was thus alone and abandoned in this situation and it’s very important to speak about the forced mariage which remains very frequent nowadays and which affects directly the human rights. (Consider making the very long last sentence into two sentences by ending it after the word situation, and continue with a second sentence.)
Sherry

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Modifié par sherry48 le 21-03-2012 21:46





Réponse: Correction/mariage de olyday, postée le 21-03-2012 à 21:22:49 (S | E)
Thank's Thanks

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 21-03-2012 21:30




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