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Human greed/correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Human greed/correction
Message de mickaelevr posté le 18-10-2012 à 20:50:45 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

ayant un plan de synthèse sur 4 documents à rendre (les grands axes), j'ai ajouté quelques idées un peu plus rédigées. Je remercie d'avance la personne qui prendra la peine de corriger mon orthographe et ma syntaxe.

Human greed is threatening the stability of world.

It’s imperative that it preserves wildlife, it’s a necessity …
Access to greenspace increases physical activity and reduces obesity rate.
Children who live in urban areas where there are lots of trees have lower rates of asthma and lower rates of behavioral problems.
Furthermore, children who have ready access to natural environment have better self-esteem, self-confidence, independence, autonomy.
In this zoo, the unknown origin of the death of new panda was a shock. Indeed, million dollars were invested so as to help the endangered species. So, these bears are so critically endangered that every cub is important.

… All the same, she abused.

However, this opened a window into the fraught world of captive breeding become normal. So that the new panda may have would attracted the attention of millions of people, so make a lot of money.
In zoos, it’s necessary to control the animal birth, indeed, don’t have many animals allow better care of the town. The natural order unsettled.
But, how handle it? There are two solutions:
On the one hand: contraception that is less emotionally painful and avoids a possible heartbreaking separation.
On the other hand, euthanasia is of course another alternative to do away with animals. The idea is that this strategy mimics what would have occurred in the wild, where some 80 percent of feline offspring die from predation, starvation or injury.
In a century in which human obsessed by technological progress, he builds his environment. That’s why, by changing his natural area, sometimes he destroys living environments. So, an environment unsuitable to biological needs carries out to disorder behavior.
This question of society development becomes, for futures generation, an emergency because it’s future of human species that is in play.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-10-2012 20:56


Réponse: Human greed/correction de bernard02, postée le 19-10-2012 à 04:24:10 (S | E)
Bonjour,

je n'ai pas le temps d'examiner votre texte maintenant et, de plus, je ne suis pas un expert. C'est pourquoi je laisserai d'autres membres s'en occuper, d'autant que, par un rapide survol, je n'ai pas vraiment aperçu de grosses fautes, me semble-t-il.
Néanmoins, il faut corriger "greenspace", et "behavior" si vous vous exprimez en anglais/britannique.
Bonne journée.



Réponse: Human greed/correction de gerondif, postée le 19-10-2012 à 22:56:18 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

Human greed is threatening the stability of the world.

It’s imperative that it(qui est ce it?) preserves wildlife, it’s a necessity …
Access to greenspace(c'est un sigle comme greenpeace ou des espaces verts en deux mots ?) increases physical activity and reduces obesity rate.
Children who live in urban areas where there are lots of trees have lower rates of asthma and lower rates of behavioral problems.
Furthermore, children who have ready access to natural environment have better self-esteem, self-confidence, independence, autonomy.
In this zoo, the unknown origin of the death of (article)new panda was a shock. Indeed, millions of dollars (quand million est un nom il prend le pluriel + of)were invested so as to help the endangered species. So, these bears are so critically endangered that every cub is important.

All the same, she abused. (mot-à-mot, pas de sens)

However, this opened a window into the fraught world of captive breeding become normal. So that the new panda may have would attracted(aïe, construction très bancale) the attention of millions of people, so make a lot of money.
In zoos, it’s necessary to control the animal birth, indeed, don’t have many animals allow better care (peu de sens; une phrase sans sujet commençant par don't.....)of the town. The natural order unsettled.
But, how to handle it? There are two solutions:
On the one hand: contraception that is less emotionally painful and avoids a possible heartbreaking separation.
On the other hand, euthanasia is of course another alternative to do away with animals. The idea is that this strategy mimics(imiter?) what would have occurred in the wild, where some 80 percent of feline offspring die from predation, starvation or injury.
In a century in which human(sujet incomplet + manque le verbe être) obsessed by technological progress, he builds his environment. That’s why, by changing his natural area, sometimes he destroys living environments. So, an environment unsuitable to biological needs carries out to (mener à?)disorder behavior.
This question of society development becomes, for futures generation(pluriel?), an emergency because it’s the future of the human species that is in play.(trop mot-à-mot, cherchez une expression avec "stake")




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