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Correction/essai

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/essai
Message de chambo62 posté le 01-04-2013 à 21:43:30 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,

Pourriez-vous m'aider à la correction des petites imperfections sûrement présentes dans mon essai s'il vous plaît ?
Merci d'avance !

Why did you decide to come and study in this specific school?

Last year, I decided to come in (X) business school to start a five-year-long program with the view to become a cell manager. Some reasons motived my choice.
Firstly, I chose this specific school due to its international angle, and more globally I chose (X) due to the recognition that firms have for the post-graduate degrees proposed in the school and all the work placements we’ll have to do in France or abroad. Moreover, I’ve been interested in the Post-graduate in Marketing since I discovered what was marketing during a professional internship.
Secondly, I chose (X) because the campus is situated a few steps away from my home. It’s more practical and I can’t afford to pay a rent for a flat when I can have high-quality course in my city. Furthermore, I was unable to resist to the green landscape around the modern campus we study in. What a pleasant environment!
To conclude, if I chose (X) because of the quality of its formations, the fact that (X)campus is close to my home help to my choice.



-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 01-04-2013 22:11


Réponse: Correction/essai de notrepere, postée le 02-04-2013 à 06:11:07 (S | E)
Bonjour

Last year, I decided to come in (X) business school to start a five-year-long program with the view to become a cell manager. Some reasons motived my choice.
Firstly, I chose this specific school due to its international angle, and more globally I chose (X) due to the recognition that firms have for the post-graduate degrees proposed in the school and all the work placements we’ll have to do in France or abroad. (je ne comprends pas) Moreover, I’ve been interested in the Post-graduate in Marketing since I discovered what was marketing (ordre) during a professional internship.
Secondly, I chose (X) because the campus is situated a few steps away from my home. It’s more practical and I can’t afford to pay a rent for a flat when I can have high-quality courses in my city. Furthermore, I was unable to resist to the green landscape around the modern campus we study in. What a pleasant environment!
To conclude, if I chose (X) because of the quality of its formations, the fact that (X)campus is close to my home helped to [verbe manquant] my choice.



Réponse: Correction/essai de chambo62, postée le 02-04-2013 à 08:31:44 (S | E)
Hello,

Last year, I decided to come at (X) business school to start a five-year-long program with a view to become a cell manager. Some reasons motived my choice.
Firstly, I chose this specific school due to its international angle, and more generally my choice was motived by the recognition that firms have for the post-graduate degrees proposed in the school and all the work placements we’ll have to do in France or abroad. (mon choix a été motivé par la reconnaissance qu'accordent les entreprises à nos diplomes & à tous les stages que nous aurons à effectuer en France ou à l'étranger.) Moreover, I’ve been interested in the Post-graduate in Marketing since I discovered what marketing was during a professional internship.
Secondly, I chose (X) because the campus is situated a few steps away from my home. It’s more practical and I can’t afford to pay the rent for a flat when I can have high-quality courses in my city. Furthermore, I was unable to resist the green landscape around the modern campus we study in. What a pleasant environment!
To conclude, if I chose (X) because of the quality of its trainings, the fact that (X)campus is close to my home made my choice easier.

Is it better ?


-------------------
Modifié par chambo62 le 02-04-2013 08:32



Réponse: Correction/essai de lucile83, postée le 02-04-2013 à 10:01:32 (S | E)
Hello,

Vous n'avez pas corrigé grand chose! texte à revoir sérieusement.

Last year, I decided to come at préposition de mouvement this business school to start a five-year-long program with a view = afin de to become a cell manager. Some reasons motived my choice.
Firstly, I chose this specific school due to its international angle , and more generally my choice was motived by the recognition that firms have for the post-graduate degrees proposed in the school and all the work placements we’ll have to do in France or abroad. (mon choix a été motivé par la reconnaissance qu'accordent les entreprises à nos diplomes & à tous les stages que nous aurons à effectuer en France ou à l'étranger.) rien n'a été corrigé, et il faut tout revoir, tourner la phrase trop longue autrement
Moreover, I’ve been interested in the Post-graduate in Marketing since I discovered what marketing was during a professional internship.
Secondly, I chose (X)il manque le COD, vous avez choisi quoi? because the campus is situated a few steps away from my home. It’s more practical and I can’t afford to pay the any rent for a flat when I can have autre verbe high-quality courses in my city. Furthermore, I was unable to resist the green landscape around the modern campus we study in. What a pleasant environment!
To conclude, if I chose (X)COD? because of the quality of its trainings, the fact that (X)article campus is close to my home made my choice easier.



Réponse: Correction/essai de chambo62, postée le 02-04-2013 à 10:15:02 (S | E)
(X) est le nom de l'école.

Last year, I decided to come to this business school to start a five-year-long program in order to become a cell manager. Some reasons motived my choice.
Firstly, I chose this specific school due to the training it proposes. (X) is an international business school, which is a school in accordance with the fact that i wish work abroad. In addition, firms recognize (X)'s graduates as good employees : During the 5-year-long programm, students have to do professionnal internship in order to know today's working world.
Moreover, I’ve been interested in the Post-graduate in Marketing since I discovered what marketing was during a professional internship.
Secondly, I chose (X) because the campus is situated a few steps away from my home. It’s more practical and I can’t afford to pay the any rent for a flat when I can have autre verbe high-quality courses in my city. Furthermore, I was unable to resist the green landscape around the modern campus we study in. What a pleasant environment!
To conclude, if I chose(X) because of the quality of its trainings, the fact that (X)'s campus is close to my home made my choice easier.

Is it better ?




Réponse: Correction/essai de gerondif, postée le 02-04-2013 à 14:41:36 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Last year, I decided to come to this business school to start a five-year(-long) program in order to become a cell manager. Some reasons motived (motive est un verbe? je connaissais to motivate))my choice.
Firstly, I chose this specific school due to the training it proposes. (X) is an international business school, which is a school in accordance with the fact that i wish ** inf complet)work abroad. In addition, firms recognize (X)'s graduates as good employees : During the 5-year(-long) programm, students have to do professionnal internship in order to know today's working world.
Moreover, I’ve been interested in the Post-graduate (post graduate studies)in Marketing since I discovered what marketing was during a professional internship.
Secondly, I chose (X) because the campus is situated a few steps away from my home. It’s more practical and I can’t afford to pay the any rent for a flat when I can have autre verbe high-quality courses in my city. Furthermore, I was unable to resist the green landscape around the modern campus we study in. What a pleasant environment!
To conclude, if I chose(X) because of the quality of its trainings, the fact that (X)'s campus is close to my home made my choice easier.




Réponse: Correction/essai de lucile83, postée le 02-04-2013 à 22:07:49 (S | E)
Hello,

(X) est le nom de l'école. je vois que je n'ai pas mieux compris la traduction que np...




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