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Correction /dissertation

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction /dissertation
Message de ivyblue posté le 05-04-2013 à 12:26:14 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

Pouvez-vous m'indiquer les fautes dans ce texte s'il vous plaît?
Merci pour vos réponses.


First of all, I’d like to precise that power is the influence, the domination which is exercised on a person or a group of individuals. It allows an individual or a group to apply, to make execute or to impose decisions.
We studied in class various documents about the black racial segregation in United States which explain us that a legal but illegitimate power limited the black people’s rights and created huge inequalities.
During more than 80 years, racial discrimination was regulated by the so-called Jim Crow laws, which mandated strict segregation of races. Black and white people lived separated and benefited from different rights, for example, they couldn’t go to the same schools, in the buses, black people couldn’t sit next to one another white, and they had to sit on the back…
Power is revealing of the tensions and conflicts in social groups when it is imposed. So, the power implies also opposition. We are going to wonder how is power limited, how can we resist to someone’s power?
Legal but illegitimate power limited the black people’s rights and created huge inequalities. The fight against segregation was materialized by very strong social protester movement led by charismatic personalities who could be considered as anti-establishment.
Rosa Parks’s rebellion in the bus marked the symbolic beginning of black revolt against racial segregation. There was different way to protest against this power: we can act either with violence or pacifically.
After Rosa Parks’s affair, a lot of movement emerged Such as, violent anti-establishment led for example by the Black Muslim.
But, I think that it was especially MLK’s revolt which marked and made change mentalities.
Indeed, MLK with other black activists made pacifist actions, and they embarked on a boycott of the buses of the city, an effective boycott because buses were practically empty the following day. They organize also sit-ins on restaurants where black people were not allowed to stay.
So MLK’s action was acts of non-violent civil disobedience aimed at violate the enforcement of racial segregation rules and laws.
Personally, I think that the better way to protest against an illegitimate power is pacifically as MLK did it. In my opinion, when we act pacifically we are more chance to be listen and more person adhere to (agree with) our opinions (cause). Moreover, we can be supported by politician like MLK was supported by the president Lyndon B. Johnson. That is why the pacifically resistance is better. I thing that is bad to answer to the violence by violence, a good example could be a good example for the future.
So the better way to resist to someone’s power when it is bad an unmoral, it is the pacifism.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-04-2013 12:44


Réponse: Correction /dissertation de sherry48, postée le 05-04-2013 à 13:59:16 (S | E)
Hello. I have made some suggestions for you to begin with.
First of all, I’d like to precise (not a verb in English) that power is the influence or the domination (which is) exercised on a person or a group of individuals. It allows an individual or a group to apply, to make, execute or to impose decisions.
We studied in class various documents (What did you study? You studied documents. Where? You studied them in class).
about the black racial segregation in __ United States which explain us that a legal but illegitimate power limited the black people’s rights and created huge inequalities.
During more than 80 years, racial discrimination was regulated by the so-called Jim Crow laws, which mandated strict segregation of races. Black and white people lived separated and benefited from different rights. for example, they couldn’t go to the same schools,and in the buses(put this later in the sentence), black people couldn’t sit next to one another white __, and they had to sit on the back…
Power is revealing of (simple present)the tensions and conflicts in social groups when it is imposed. So, the power implies also opposition. We are going to wonder how is power limited, how can we resist to someone’s power?
Legal but illegitimate power limited the black people’s rights and created huge inequalities. The fight against segregation was materialized by very strong social protester movement led by charismatic personalities who could be considered as anti-establishment.
Rosa Parks’s rebellion in the bus marked the symbolic beginning of black revolt against racial segregation. There was__ different way to protest against this power: we can act either with violence or pacifically...with violence, therefore you also need to use a noun form instead of pacifically)
After Rosa Parks’s affair, a lot of movement emerged Such as, violent anti-establishment led for example by the Black Muslim.
But, I think that it was especially MLK’s (Usually, the entire name is used the first time you mention a person.) by revolt which marked and made change mentalities.
Indeed, MLK with other black activists made pacifist actions, and they embarked on a boycott of the buses of the city,(use possessive or city can be an adjective to describe buses) an effective boycott because buses were practically empty the following day. They organize also sit-ins on restaurants where black people were not allowed to stay.
So MLK’s action was acts of non-violent civil disobedience aimed at violate the enforcement of racial segregation rules and laws.
Personally, I think that the better way (better is the comparative--mention 2 ways or use the superlative-also, consider beginning with ..I think that [noun] is...) to protest against an illegitimate power is pacifically as MLK did it. In my opinion, when we act pacifically we are more chance to be listen and more person adhere to (agree with) our opinions (cause). Moreover, we can be supported by politician like MLK was supported by the president Lyndon B. Johnson. That is why the pacifically resistance is better. I thing that __ is bad to answer to the violence by violence. a good example could be a good example for the future.
So the better way to resist to someone’s power when it is bad an unmoral, it is the pacifism.
(Consider...So pacifism....)
Sherry



Réponse: Correction /dissertation de gloupy3, postée le 05-04-2013 à 17:29:06 (S | E)
Hi everyone !
I would not say During more than 80 years but for more than 80 years. Je ne suis pas sure mais ça sonne mieux.
Supprime peut-être la virgule entre such as et ton exemple, à moins de dire such as, for instance, doodle-dee doodle-da.
En outre, la phrase "A good example could be a good example for the future." m'apparaît sans sens. A la rigueur tu mets quelque chose comme "It can be a good example for the future", si tel est le sens de ta phrase.
Bon courage !



Réponse: Correction /dissertation de ivyblue, postée le 07-04-2013 à 19:02:33 (S | E)
Hello ! Avant tout, merci beaucoup pour votre aide ! J'ai essayer de corriger ce que vous m'avez signalé, mais il y a certaines choses que je n'ai pas comprises... S'il vous plait pouvez vous regarder ?

First of all, I’d like to clarify that power is the influence, the domination exercised on a person or a group of individuals. It allows an individual or a group to apply, to make execute or to impose decisions.
We studied in class various documents (J'ai pas compris pourquoi vous l'avez souligné) about the black racial segregation in the United States which explain us that a legal but illegitimate power limited the black people’s rights and created huge inequalities.
For more than 80 years, racial discrimination was regulated by the so-called Jim Crow laws, which mandated strict segregation of races. Black and white people lived separated and benefited from different rights : they couldn’t go to the same schools, black people couldn’t sit next to white in the buses, they had to sit on the back…
Power reveals the tensions and conflicts in social groups when it is imposed. So, the power implies also opposition. We are going to wonder how power is limited, how can we resist to someone’s power?
Legal but illegitimate power limited the black people’s rights and created huge inequalities. The fight against segregation was materialized by very strong social protest movement led by charismatic personalities who could be considered as anti-establishment.
Rosa Parks’s rebellion in the bus marked the symbolic beginning of black revolt against racial segregation. There was two different way to protest against this power: we can act either violently or pacifically.
After Rosa Parks’s affair, a lot of movement emerged such as violent anti-establishment led for example by the Black Muslim.
But, I think that it was especially Martin Luther King’s revolt which marked and made change mentalities.
Indeed, Martin Luther King with other black activists made pacifist actions, and they embarked on a boycott of the buses of the city (je dois mettre quoi ?), an effective boycott because buses were practically empty the following day. They organize also sit-ins(je dois mettre quoi ici ?) on restaurants where black people were not allowed to stay.
So MLK’s action was acts of non-violent civil disobedience aimed at violate the enforcement of racial segregation rules and laws.
Personally, I think that the better way to protest against an illegitimate power is pacifically as MLK did it. In my opinion, when we act peacefully we have more chance to be listened and more people agree with our opinions. Moreover, we can be supported by politician like MLK was supported by the president Lyndon B. Johnson. That is why pacifically resistance is better. I think that is bad to answer to the violence by violence. A good behaviour could be a good example for the future generations.
So the better way to resist to someone’s power when it is bad an unmoral, it is the pacifism.





Réponse: Correction /dissertation de sherry48, postée le 09-04-2013 à 02:44:50 (S | E)
Hello. You didn't make a lot of corrections, and I think you could have made more effort! Therefore, I have made some corrections.

First of all, I’d like to clarify that power is the influence, the domination exercised on a person or a group of individuals. It allows an individual or a group to apply, to make, execute or to impose decisions.
We studied in class various documents (It is best to write the object of your study immediately after the verb) about the black racial segregation in the United States which explain us (you need a preposition OR you can eliminate 'us')that a legal but illegitimate power limited the black people’s rights and created huge inequalities.
For more than 80 years, racial discrimination was regulated by the so-called Jim Crow laws, which mandated strict segregation of races. Black and white people lived separated and benefited from different rights : they couldn’t go to the same schools, black people couldn’t sit next to white in the buses, they had to sit on the back…
Power reveals the tensions and conflicts in social groups when it is imposed. So, the power implies also (wrong place in sentence) opposition. We are going to wonder how power is limited, how can we resist to someone’s power?
Legal but illegitimate power limited the black people’s rights and created huge inequalities. The fight against segregation was materialized (different word?) by very strong social protest movement led by charismatic personalities who could be considered as anti-establishment.
Rosa Parks’s rebellion in the bus marked the symbolic beginning of black revolt against racial segregation. There was two different way_ to protest against this power: we can act either violently or pacifically. (act violently seems OK, but pacifically not as good--use nouns--with violen__ or pacifi___.)
After Rosa Parks’s affair, a lot of movement emerged such as violent anti-establishment led for example by the Black Muslim.
But, I think that it was especially Martin Luther King’s revolt which marked and made change_ mentalities.
Indeed, Martin Luther King with other black activists made pacifist actions, and they embarked on a boycott of the buses of the city buses, an effective boycott because buses were practically empty the following day. They organize also (wrong place) sit-ins on restaurants where black people were not allowed to stay.
So MLK’s action was acts of non-violent civil disobedience aimed at violate the enforcement of racial segregation rules and laws.
Personally, I think that thebetter(a better or the best) way to protest against an illegitimate power is pacifically (pacifiquement?) as MLK did (it). In my opinion, when we act peacefully we have more chance to be listened (écouter ou entendre) and more people agree with our opinions. Moreover, we can be supported by politician_ like MLK was supported by the president Lyndon B. Johnson. That is why pacifically resistance is better. I think that __ is bad to answer to the violence by violence. A good behaviour could be a good example for the future generations.
So the better way to resist to someone’s power when it is bad an unmoral, it is the pacifism.
Sherry

-------------------
Modifié par sherry48 le 09-04-2013 02:45




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