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Correction /paragraphe 1

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction /paragraphe 1
Message de popikoju posté le 28-04-2013 à 15:02:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

j'ai un résumé de texte à corriger, étant donné qu'il est assez long je vais poster paragraphe par paragraphe pour simplifier la correction.
Merci pour votre aide.

The first day, Mrs. Bartlett was tired and she wanted to stay at the pension but Lucy wanted go outdoors. Mrs. Lavish purposed to Lucy to go to Santa Croce for a long morning, Lucy went with her but during this walk, Mrs. Lavish, spoke too much and they were lost. But after a moment of adventure they found Santa Croce, and they saw the Emersons. Mrs. Lavish leaved Lucy for a moment and after ten minutes, Lucy wanted to meet her, but she ran away. Lucy was alone, in an unknown city. She entered into building without real interest, after she looked at the tourist and especially a little boy who had failed, and at the same time, Mr. Emerson spoke to this little boy too. She joined us, with hesitation but she joined us and she spent good time with us to visited the church and spoke with Emerson’s father about his son. Mrs. Bartlett was too in the church; Lucy joined Charlotte and came back to the pension.
The wet afternoon, Lucy stayed at pension for play piano and Mrs. Bartlett & Mrs. Lavish went to the hills.



-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-04-2013 15:48
Le travail étant scindé il faut chercher les différents passages ici, mais ce n'est pas nécessaire.
Lien internet



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de taiji43, postée le 28-04-2013 à 18:21:13 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Où est la première partie et toutes les corrections à faire ?
Au fait dans le premier paragraphe maybe ou perhaps( mieux que maybe) se met avant le verbe. Perhaps she believed……..

Après want vous devez mettre to : want to go outdoors
2.Au lieu du verbe purpose il faudrait mettre le verbe suggest.ou offer.
Mais attention à la formation du verbe suggest.
3 and they sawed the Emerson : to see est un verbe irrégulier donc sawed est faux
4.She enter in a building : enter a building pas in a building
5.A little boy who had faled . to fall est un verbe irrégulier Donc pa falled.
6.She talked to this little boy too, too est faux. Chercher comment on dit aussi et sa place dans la phrase.
6.She spent good time : she enjoyed visiting the chuch with them
8.jouer du piabno se dit : to play the piano
9.si on met for play il faut écrire for playing the piano car for est une préposition

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-04-2013 18:25



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de popikoju, postée le 28-04-2013 à 18:39:49 (S | E)
Bonjour,

La première partie est toujours en ligne sur le forum il me semble, au cas vous voudriez encore y jeter un oeil.
Ok! j'ai corrigé la place de perhaps. Par contre pour les corrections que vous venez de faire sur le 2ème paragraphe, je pense que vous n'avez pas pris le bon, car les erreurs du type "sawed", ont été corrigées par mes soins depuis la publication dans l'autre sujet. Mais certaines erreurs étaient encore présentes, voilà la correction que j'ai faite.
Merci !

The first day, Mrs. Bartlett was tired and she wanted to stay at the pension but Lucy wanted to go outdoors. Mrs. Lavish suggest to Lucy to going to Santa Croce for a long morning, Lucy went with her but during this walk, Mrs. Lavish, spoke too much and they were lost. But after a moment of adventure they found Santa Croce, and they saw the Emersons. Mrs. Lavish leaved Lucy for a moment and after ten minutes, Lucy wanted to meet her, but she ran away. Lucy was alone, in an unknown city. She entered into the building without real interest, after she looked at the tourist and especially a little boy who had fell, and at the same time, Mr. Emerson also spoke to this little boy. She joined us, with hesitation but she joined us and she enjoyed visiting the church with them and spoke with Emerson’s father about his son. Mrs. Bartlett was too in the church; Lucy joined Charlotte and came back to the pension.
The wet afternoon, Lucy stayed at pension for playing the piano and Mrs. Bartlett & Mrs. Lavish went to the hills.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-04-2013 22:56



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de sherry48, postée le 28-04-2013 à 22:53:11 (S | E)
Hello.
Here are a few things to begin with.

The first day, Mrs. Bartlett was tired and she wanted to stay at the pension but Lucy wanted to go outdoors. Mrs. Lavish suggest to Lucy to going to Santa Croce for a long morning __. Lucy went with her but during this walk, Mrs. Lavish, spoke too much and they were lost. But after a moment of adventure they found Santa Croce, and they saw the Emersons. Mrs. Lavish leaved Lucy for a moment and after ten minutes, Lucy wanted to meet her, but she ran away. Lucy was alone, in an unknown city. She entered into the building without real interest, after she looked at the tourist_ and especially a little boy who had fell, and at the same time, Mr. Emerson also spoke to this little boy. She joined us, (Why first person?) with hesitation but she joined us and she enjoyed visiting the church with them and spoke with Emerson’s father about his son. Mrs. Bartlett was too in the church; Lucy joined Charlotte and came back to the pension.
The wet afternoon, Lucy stayed at pension for playing the piano and Mrs. Bartlett & Mrs. Lavish went to the hills.

Sherry



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de popikoju, postée le 28-04-2013 à 23:17:42 (S | E)
Hello.
Thank you for your help.
I have made corrections following your notifications.

The first day, Mrs. Bartlett was tired and she wanted to stay at the pension but Lucy wanted to go outdoors. Mrs. Lavish suggests to Lucy going to Santa Croce for a long morning __. Lucy went with her but during this walk, Mrs. Lavish, spoke too much and they were lost. But after a moment of adventure they found Santa Croce, and they saw the Emersons. Mrs. Lavish left Lucy for a moment and after ten minutes, Lucy wanted to meet her, but she ran away. Lucy was alone, in an unknown city. She entered into the building without real interest, after she looked at the tourists and especially a little boy who had fallen, and at the same time, Mr. Emerson also spoke to this little boy. She joined them, (Why first person?) with hesitation but she joined them and she enjoyed visiting the church with them and spoke with Emerson’s father about his son. Mrs. Bartlett also was in the church; Lucy joined Charlotte and came back to the pension.
The wet afternoon, Lucy stayed at pension to play the piano and Mrs. Bartlett & Mrs. Lavish went to the hills.



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de sherry48, postée le 28-04-2013 à 23:24:49 (S | E)
Hello.
Regarding your corrections...'suggest' should be past tense like the other verbs. The missing word appears in the next sentence; Lucy went with her for a long morning ____.
Sherry



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de popikoju, postée le 29-04-2013 à 00:56:15 (S | E)
So, like this ?
The first day, Mrs. Bartlett was tired and she wanted to stay at the pension but Lucy wanted to go outdoors. Mrs. Lavish suggested to Lucy going to Santa Croce for a long morning walk. Lucy went with her but during this walk, Mrs. Lavish, spoke too much and they were lost. But after a moment of adventure they found Santa Croce, and they saw the Emersons. Mrs. Lavish left Lucy for a moment and after ten minutes, Lucy wanted to meet her, but she ran away. Lucy was alone, in an unknown city. She entered into the building without real interest, after she looked at the tourists and especially a little boy who had fallen, and at the same time, Mr. Emerson also spoke to this little boy. She joined them, with hesitation but she joined them and she enjoyed visiting the church with them and spoke with Emerson’s father about his son. Mrs. Bartlett also was in the church; Lucy joined Charlotte and came back to the pension.
The wet afternoon, Lucy stayed at pension to play the piano and Mrs. Bartlett & Mrs. Lavish went to the hills.



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de gnanga, postée le 29-04-2013 à 12:23:14 (S | E)
Hello dear POPPY

Regarding these corrections of some friend I would like to add some things like you can see in the text:


The first day, Mrs. Bartlett was tired and she wanted to stay at the pension but Lucy wanted to go outdoors. Mrs. Lavish suggested her (lucy) to go to Santa Croce for a long morning. Lucy went with her but during this walk, Mrs. Lavish, spoke too much and they lost their way. But during their adventure they found Santa Croce, and they saw the Emersons. Mrs. Lavish leaved Lucy for a moment and after ten minutes, Lucy wanted to see her, but she ran away. Lucy was alone, in an unknown city. She entered into a building without real interest, after she looked at the tourist and especially a little boy who had failed, and at the same time, Mr. Emerson spoke to him too. She joined us, with hesitation, but she joined us and she spent good time with us visiting church and speaking with Emerson’s father about his son. Mrs. Bartlett also was in the church; Lucy joined Charlotte and came back to the pension.
The wet afternoon, Lucy stayed at pension in order to play a piano, Mrs. Bartlett & Mrs. Lavish went to the hills.



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de taiji43, postée le 29-04-2013 à 16:41:54 (S | E)
Je me permets de faire quelques modifications.

For a long morning walk :ok cela devient un nom composé (pour moi)

2. they were lost : they got lost
3.to see ou to meet veulent dire tous les deux rencontrer suivant la phrase qu'on a voulu dire
4.She entered the building(sans mettre in ou to) regardez dans votre grammaire ex: He enters a room
5.(ok pour visiting and speaking)
5. in order to (ok )play the piano (pas a piano) to play the guitar
En ce qui concerne le verbe suggérer au passé, suggested her serait impossible puisque il est nécessaire de préciser à qui une suggestion s'adresse. Donc la phrase deviendrait : MRS lAVISH SUGGESTED TO lUCY THAT THEY SHOULD GO TO SANTA CROCE.

Si lucile83 avait le temps de nous dire si la construction de SUGGESTED est correcte ou non cela nous aiderait.
Je regarderais la suite n°2 plus tard.



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de lemagemasque, postée le 29-04-2013 à 18:33:04 (S | E)
Hello!

Je dirais :
Mrs. Lavish suggested Lucy that they should go to Santa Croce.
See you!

-------------------
Modifié par lemagemasque le 29-04-2013 18:35
En modifiant un peu le sens :
Mrs. Lavish suggested Lucy going to Santa Croce with them.


-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-04-2013 18:38
Mrs. Lavish suggested Lucy...that's not correct; see below.

-------------------
Modifié par lemagemasque le 29-04-2013 18:54
Ahhh ! J'ai compris ! On ne dit pas "to suggest somebody something".
Peut-être qu'en mettant "Mrs. Lavish suggested her (Lucy) going to Santa Croce with them", c'est grammaticalement correct mais alors, ça n'a pas le même sens ("recommander" au lieu de "suggérer").
Lien internet

Ai-je raison ?




Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de lucile83, postée le 29-04-2013 à 18:37:29 (S | E)
Hello,

The sentence should write:
Mrs. Lavish suggested (that) she and Lucy go to Santa Croce for a long morning walk.
You can omit the word 'that'.
You never suggest someone to do something.



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de taiji43, postée le 30-04-2013 à 15:27:48 (S | E)
Merci lucile83 pour votre explication au sujet du verbe to suggest.
J'attends le nouveau texte de Popikoju tenant compte des corrections proposées avant de commencer la correction du paragraphe 2 .
On commence à se perdre dans les bouts de textes.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 30-04-2013 21:47
Il n'y a aucune raison de se perdre On peut traiter chaque texte séparément.



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de popikoju, postée le 30-04-2013 à 15:52:03 (S | E)
Bonjour,
j'ai refait quelques corrections avec l'aide d'un ami. Dites-moi ce que vous en pensez s'il vous plaît!

The first day, Mrs. Bartlett was tired and she wanted to stay at the pension but Lucy wanted to go outdoors. Mrs. Lavish suggested to Lucy going to Santa Croce for a long morning, Lucy went with her but during the walk, Mrs. Lavish spoke too much and they got lost. But after a moment of adventure they found Santa Croce, and they found the Emersons. Mrs. Lavish left Lucy for a while and after ten minutes, Lucy wanted to meet her, but ran away. Lucy was alone, in an unknown city. She entered into the church without real interest, then she looked at the tourists and especially a little boy who had failed, and at the same time, Mr. Emerson also spoke to this little boy. She joined us, with hesitation but she joined us and she enjoyed visiting the church with them and talking with Emerson’s father about his son. Mrs. Bartlett was in the church too; Lucy joined Charlotte and came back to the pension.
On the wet afternoon, Lucy stayed at the pension to play the piano and Mrs. Bartlett & Mrs. Lavish went to the hills.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 30-04-2013 15:55



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de taiji43, postée le 30-04-2013 à 17:15:50 (S | E)
En bleu c'est ce qui ne va pas en,
rouge ce que j'ai ajouté.

The first day, Mrs. Bartlett was tired and she wanted to stay at the pension but Lucy wanted to go outdoors. Mrs. Lavish suggested to Lucy going to Santa Croce(voir ce que dit Lucie 83 au sujet de suggest et recopier sa phrase) for a long morning walk Lucy went with her but during the walk, Mrs. Lavish spoke too much and they got lost. But after a moment of adventure they found Santa Croce, and they (found) met the Emersons. Mrs. Lavish left Lucy for a while and after ten minutes, Lucy wanted to meet her, but she ran away. Lucy was alone, in an unknown city. She entered into(après le verbe inter il n'y a aucune préposition) she enter the church which was without real interest .Then she looked at the tourists and especially a little boy who had failed,(verbe irrrégulier du verbe to fall au participe passé) and at the same time, Mr. Emerson also spoke talked with   (parler avec) this little boy. She joined us, with hesitation but she joined us and she enjoyed visiting the church with them and talking with Emerson's father about his son. Mrs. Bartlett was also in the church too(enlever too); Lucy joined Charlotte and came back to the pension.
On the wet afternoon, Lucy stayed at the pension to play the piano and Mrs. Bartlett & Mrs. Lavish went to the hills.

Deuxième paragraphe plus tard; courage on va finir par arriver à quelque chose qui se tiendra un peu mieux. IL faudrait couper plus vos phrases pour qu'elles soient plus courtes mais...

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 30-04-2013 21:42



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de popikoju, postée le 30-04-2013 à 19:56:46 (S | E)
The first day, Mrs. Bartlett was tired and she wanted to stay at the pension but Lucy wanted to go outdoors. Mrs. Lavish suggested that she and Lucy go to Santa Croce for a long morning walk, Lucy went with her but during the walk. Mrs. Lavish spoke too much and they got lost. But after a moment of adventure they found Santa Croce, and they met the Emerson. Mrs. Lavish left Lucy for a while and after ten minutes, Lucy wanted to meet her, but she ran away. Lucy was alone, in an unknown city. She enters the church which was without real interest, then she looked at the tourists and especially a little boy who had fallen. At the same time, Mr. Emerson also spoke (je laisse spoke car il ne lui parle pas vraiment, il lui dit juste une seule phrase) to this little boy. She joined us, with hesitation but she joined us and she enjoyed visiting the church with them and talking with Emerson’s father about his son. Mrs. Bartlett was in the church too; Lucy joined Charlotte and came back to the pension.
On the wet afternoon, Lucy stayed at the pension to play the piano and Mrs. Bartlett & Mrs. Lavish went to the hills.



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de notrepere, postée le 01-05-2013 à 06:43:44 (S | E)
Hello

Fautes de ponctuation.
... for a long morning walk[point] Lucy went with her, but during the walk Mrs. Lavish spoke too much and they got lost.
met the Emerson
Emerson = si c'est une seule personne, le 'the' est inutile
Si c'est le nom d'une famille, il faut 'the Emerson's'
She enters (temps) the church



Réponse: Correction /paragraphe 1 de popikoju, postée le 02-05-2013 à 16:58:49 (S | E)
Pour une ultime vérification, voilà le paragraphe corrigé

The day after, Mrs. Bartlett was tired and she wanted to stay at the pension but Lucy wanted to go outdoors. Mrs. Lavish suggested to Lucy to come with her to Santa Croce for a long morning walk. Lucy went with her, but during the walk Mrs. Lavish spoke too much and they got lost. But after a moment of adventure, they finally found Santa Croce and they met the Emerson’s. Mrs. Lavish left Lucy for a while and after ten minutes, Lucy wanted to meet her, but she ran away. Lucy was alone, in an unknown city. She entered into the church without real interest, she looked at the tourists and especially at little boy who had fallen. At the same time, Mr. Emerson was speaking to this little boy. She joined them, with hesitation but she joined them and she enjoyed visiting the church with them, talking with Emerson’s father about his son. Mrs. Bartlett was in the church too; Lucy joined Charlotte and they came back together to the pension.
During the wet afternoon, Lucy stayed at the pension to play piano and Mrs. Bartlett & Mrs. Lavish went to the hills.




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