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Correction / BAC

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction / BAC
Message de mille32 posté le 24-05-2013 à 20:50:23 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

j'ai les oraux du Bac lundi et j'aimerais une petite correction s'il vous plaît !!
Merci d'avance.

Nowadays, technology is evolving very fast; it allows good progress in diverse areas: industry, science but also the comfort of life. Robots are developed, to improve our standard of living for example in the kitchen we have food processors, and recently, the Japanese created the first robot which looks like a man, it winks, speaks, catches objects and has a human face. It’s very disturbing to see!
So we are going to develop the importance of the technology in our daily life
Firstly we shall see the different forms of technological progress and the impact on living conditions, and on personal and social relationship, then we shall study those who chose a “simple life” and we shall finish with my opinion about this notion.

I.The different forms of technological progress and the impact on daily life
Technology evolved enormously during these last years. We are going to study two technologies which became daily: the computer and the mobile.
The first computer was created to facilitate the calculations. It fast became an essential and very useful device. Nowadays, in France nearly one out of three families has several computers. Thereby, everybody use it to research information, to watch films, or to play video-games… However, this wonderful device can become dangerous with the net for example. Moreover some people can become addict to computer and that is dangerous because this person can move away from his family or his friends until the isolation.
Otherwise the first mobile was created by Motorola. We could only phone with and it was very big.
Now, cellphones are small, nice and has a lot of activities (take photos, play games, surf the net) other than to phone. This device becomes also an addiction, because we use mobile all the time, often for nothing, just to pass the time. In fact, the relationships change because we can make “virtual” friends, there are less real conversations.


II.Certain people chose a “simple life”
Recently, days "anti-technology" are organized with the aim of people realize their addictions to the technology. There are the day “no-biles” and the day “no-facebook” for example.
Moreover, few people live without technologies, they live in a forest (As has been seen in classroom) without water, electricity, and they live a simple live, as before.
However, often senior citizen who lived without technologies, feel they no need to use the computer or mobile, it doesn’t interest them.


III.My opinion
This notion is interesting because those are topical subjects and I feel concerned.
I thing we dealt the subject the most interesting of this notion
To conclude, digital technologies are omnipresent, they are entertaining but also essential with the multiple functions.
And you, what do you think about this fast progress of the technology?

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 24-05-2013 20:58


Réponse: Correction / BAC de delf2312, postée le 24-05-2013 à 23:05:17 (S | E)
Hello,

Nowadays, technology is evolving very fast fast est un adjectif, pas un adverbe; it allows good progress in diverse areas: industry, science but also the comfort of life. Robots are developed, to improve our standard of living living standards for example in the kitchen we have food processors (do you mean kitchen robots ?), and recently, the Japanese created the first robot which looks like a man, it winks, speaks, catches objects and has a human face. It’s very disturbing to see!
So we are going to develop the importance (on comprend ce que vous voulez dire mais ce n'est pas très anglais) of the (pourtant vous aviez bien pensé qu'il ne fallait pas mettre the, au début de votre introduction ! c'est dommage) technology in our daily life
Firstly we shall see the different forms of technological progress and the impact on living conditions, and on personal and social relationship, then we shall study (je ne suis pas sûre que study soit ici approprié)those who chose a “simple life” and we shall finish with my opinion about this notion. Pourquoi utiliser shall qui est assez soutenu et pas tout simplement will ?

I.The different forms of technological progress and the impact on daily life
Technology evolved (il me semble qu'ici on fait une sorte de bilan, n'y a -t-il pas un temps plus adapté ?)enormously during these last years. We are going to study two technologies which became daily (do you mean parts of our dailylife ?): the computer and the mobile (phone).
The first computer was created to facilitate the calculations. It fast fast est un adjectif pas un adverbe became an essential and very useful device. Nowadays, in France nearly one out of three families has several computers. Thereby, everybody uses it to research (search for me semble plus naturel)information, to watch films, or to play video-games… However, this wonderful device can become dangerous with the net what do you mean ? for example. Moreover some people can become addict to computer il me semble qu'on dit computer addict mais addicted to the computer and that is dangerous because this person (who ? vous avez commencé votre phrase par some people) can move away from his (or her !) family or his friends until the isolation (préférer un groupe verbal ici).
Otherwise (vous avez voulu traduire sinon ? Ça ne va pas trop dans ce cas) the first mobile was created by Motorola. We could only phone (make phone calls) with and it was very big.
Now, cellphones are small, nice and has (votre sujet est pluriel a lot of activities (take photos, play games, surf the net) other than to phone. This device becomes also an addiction, because we use mobile all the time, often for nothing, just to pass the time. In fact, the relationships change because we can make “virtual” friends, there are less real conversations.


II.Certain people chose a “simple life”
Recently, days "anti-technology" are organized with the aim of people realize their addictions to the technology. There are the day “no-biles” and the day “no-facebook” for example. >> dans cette phrase, vous avez voulu créer des noms composés: journée anti-technologie etc. Vous êtes d'accord pour dire que anti-technologie, no-biles etc... modifient le mot "day" ? Ils jouent donc le rôle d'adjectifs et sont donc placés avant.
Moreover, few people live without technologies, they live in a forest (As (Sujet?) has been seen in classroom) without water, electricity, and they live a simple live, as before (do you mean in the past ?).
However, often senior citizen who lived without technologies, feel they no need to use the computer or mobile, it doesn’t interest them. Faites attention cette phrase est pleine de fautes !


III.My opinion
This notion is interesting because those are topical subjects and I feel concerned.
I thing we dealt the subject the most interesting of this notion (je ne comprend pas bien ??)
To conclude, digital technologies are omnipresent, they are entertaining but also essential with the multiple functions.
And you, what do you think about this fast progress of the technology? (est ce votre professeur qui vous a dit qu'il fallait posé une question à l'évaluateur ? Je trouve ça un peu bizarre ^^)

Voilà c'est fini, vous allez pensez qu'il y a beaucoup d'erreurs mais j'ai été très pointilleuse.
J'ai corrigé des choses qui passeront sans problème à l'oral. Du moment que le prof comprend ce que vous voulez dire, c'est bon !
Le plus important est de ne pas lire et de travailler la prononciation (il y a des sites internet pour ça, je peux vous donner un lien en MP)

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 24-05-2013 23:10



Réponse: Correction / BAC de mille32, postée le 25-05-2013 à 12:13:52 (S | E)
D'accord je vais corriger tous sa
je n'ai juste pas compris une petite remarque sur "préférer un groupe verbal ici", c'est à dire remplacer "isolation" par "être isoler?"

Je vous dis un grand merci pour votre rapidité et efficacité !



Réponse: Correction / BAC de delf2312, postée le 25-05-2013 à 12:20:29 (S | E)
Oui tout à fait: until he or she is totally isolated



Réponse: Correction / BAC de mille32, postée le 25-05-2013 à 16:18:52 (S | E)
Voilà mon texte modifié, en espérant que j'ai tout bien corrigé

Merci au revoir



Réponse: Correction / BAC de mille32, postée le 25-05-2013 à 16:19:27 (S | E)
Nowadays, technology is evolving very quickly; it allows good progress in diverse areas: industry, science but also the comfort of life. Robots are developed, to improve our living standards for example in the kitchen we have food processors, and recently, the Japanese created the first robot which looks like a man, it winks, speaks, catches objects and has a human face. It’s very disturbing to see!
So we are going to see the place of technology in our daily life
Firstly we will see the different forms of technological progress and the impact on living conditions, and on personal and social relationship, then we will see those who chose a “simple life” and we shall finish with my opinion about this notion.

I. The different forms of technological progress and the impact on daily life

Technology has evolved enormously during these last years. We are going to study two technologies which became daily: the computer and the phone.
The first computer was created to facilitate calculations. It quickly became an essential and very useful device. Nowadays, in France nearly one out of three families has several computers. Thereby, everybody uses it to search information, to watch films, or to play video-games… However, this wonderful device can become dangerous with the use of the net for example. Moreover some people can become addicted to the computer and that is dangerous because some people can move away from their families or their friends until they are totally isolated.
In addition, the first mobile was created by Motorola. We could make phone calls with and it was very big.
Now, cellphones are small, nice and have a lot of activities (take photos, play games, surf the net) other than to phone. This device becomes also an addiction, because we use mobile all the time, often for nothing, just to pass the time. In fact, the relationships change because we can make “virtual” friends, there are less real conversations.


II. Certain people chose a “simple life”

Recently, "anti-technology" days are organized with the aim of people realize their addictions to the technology. There are the “no-biles” day and the “no-facebook” day for example.
Moreover, few people live without technologies, they live in a forest (As we have been seen in classroom) without water, electricity, and they live a simple life, as in the past.
However, often senior citizen who lived without technologies, they needn’t to use the computer or mobile, it doesn’t interest them.


III. My opinion

This notion is interesting because those are topical subjects and I feel concerned.
I thing we studied the subject the most interesting of this notion

To conclude, digital technologies are omnipresent, they are entertaining but also essential with the multiple functions.







Réponse: Correction / BAC de delf2312, postée le 26-05-2013 à 14:49:26 (S | E)
Ça me semble beaucoup mieux ! Il y a toujours quelques erreurs et des choses qui ne sonnent pas naturelles en anglais mais l'épreuve que vous allez passez est un oral. On attend pas de vous une grammaire parfaite mais que vous sachiez former des phrases compréhensibles. On attend de vous une prononciation correcte: il y a des sites internet qui peuvent vous aider, que je peux vous donner en MP.
Évitez les "heu" très français et préférez les "hummm", "well" et "so".
Don't forget that English is a stressed language: pour les mots que vous utilisez souvent tels que technology, robots etc: aller sur un site internet tel que best-text-to speech et répéter ce que la voix vous dit ou consulter un dictionnaire qui donnent les transcriptions phonétiques à côté de la définition.

Pour votre annonce de plan: vous pouvez remplacer we will see par we are going to focus on, we will deal with etc, we will explain, we are going to talk about...

Voilà, voilà ! Bonne chance pour demain.




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