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Correction/ essai

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/ essai
Message de jahia10 posté le 29-05-2014 à 10:58:09 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous!
Je sollicite votre aide, si vous en avez le temps, pour corriger mon essai et y apporter des recommandations afin de l'améliorer.
Merci pour vos réponses

The use of contraception was never as widely proclaimed and exhibited as it is now. The use of contraception has become so mainstream, that it is now “normal” for even teens to use these contraceptives. Schools promote the use of this once taboo practice of artificial birth control, and partake in the distribution of condoms amongst students. This is a clear example of how modern society and its practices can change the way people act morally and physically. However, some conservative claim that the use of contraception should be prohibited in Madagascar, especially because they think its immoral. The supporters of this idea does not realize the dangers of banning contraception in a poor country like Madagascar.

There are many Catholics who use contraceptives instead of family planning. This is not accepted by the Catholic Church, and is considered to be wrong. Catholics believe that sexual intercourse is a gift that was given to this earth by God, only to reproduce. Of course this idea is true according to the Catholics religion. However, the church failed, in the way that the church had done nothing special the sex revolution. Indeed, catholic church is a powerfull organisation, morally and financially speaking. Not only didn’t the church a relevant action against the vulgarisation of sex, but it is also unable to efficiently sensitize their devoted against it. The statistics made by HIV/AIDS Québec showed that 31% of boy have their first sexual intercouse before 15 and 41% for girls.

Another point made by the proponents of this idea is that Malagasy people consider children as a wealth. Indeed, according to Malagasy believe, the more children you have, the richer you are. While this idea may be true in the old days, it is completely out of date actually and the uncontroled birth are even a threat for a poor country. Indeed, developing countries experience the negative impact of rapid, uncontrolled population growth, often requiring western countries to provide direct aid to avert famine. Poor social conditions, including regional warfare and weak governance, often make conditions worse when scarce resources are not sufficient to meet the needs of a rapidly growing population. These conditions exacerbate poverty, malnutrition, childhood and maternal mortality, use of child labor and already inadequate educational opportunities, especially for women.

In conclusion, the sex revolution made the use of contraceptives indispensable and the control of birth is essential for the economy.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-05-2014 11:12


Réponse: Correction/ essai de here4u, postée le 29-05-2014 à 15:02:29 (S | E)
Hello !

I don't really have time ... but will try to help anyway !

blue = error
green = suggestion
XXXXX = missing elements

The use of contraception was never as widely proclaimed and exhibited as it is now (??? where? ). The use of contraception has become so mainstream, that it is now “normal” for even(word order) teens to use these contraceptives. Schools promote the use of this once taboo practice of artificial birth control, and partake in the distribution of condoms amongst students. This is a clear example of how modern society and its practices can change the way people act morally and physically. However, some conservativeS claim that the use of contraception should be prohibited in Madagascar, especially because they think it's immoral. The supporters of this idea does not realize the dangers of banning contraception in a poor country like Madagascar.

There are many Catholics who use contraceptives instead of family planning. Officially, This is not accepted by the Catholic Church, and is considered to be wrong. Catholics believe that sexual intercourse is a gift that was given to this earthmen and women by God, only to reproduce themselves. Of course this idea is true according to the Catholics religion. However, the church failed, in the way that(clumsy) the church had done nothing special XXX the sex revolution. Indeed,XXX catholic church is a powerfull organisation, morally and financially speaking. Not only didn’t the church XXX verb? a relevant action against the vulgarisation of sex, but it is also unable to efficiently sensitize their devoted (we want a noun, this is an adj.) against it. The statistics made by HIV/AIDS Québec showed that 31% of boyS have their first sexual intercouse before 15 and 41% for girls.

Another point made by the proponents of this idea??? which one ?it was given in the first lines and should ne reminded ... is that Malagasy people consider children as a wealth.(Don't you ? I do ! Children are treasures ...) Indeed, according to Malagasy believe, the more children you have, the richer you are. While this idea mayXXXX beXX true in the old days, it is completely out of date actually and the uncontroled birthS are even a threat for a poor country. Indeed, developing countries experience the negative impact of rapid, uncontrolled population growth, often requiring Western countries to provide direct aid to avert famine. Poor social conditions, including regional warfare and weak governance, often make conditions worse when scarce resources are not sufficient to meet the needs of a rapidly growing population. These conditions exacerbate poverty, malnutrition, childhood and maternal mortality, use of child labor and already inadequate educational opportunities, especially for women.

In conclusion, the sex revolution made the use of contraceptives indispensable and the control of birthword order) is essential for the economy.

Bon courage !



Réponse: Correction/ essai de jahia10, postée le 29-05-2014 à 20:10:48 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup





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