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Présentation/ Samsung

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Présentation/ Samsung
Message de sandria posté le 29-09-2014 à 01:30:27 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous me dire mes erreurs, mes fautes, ce qui n'est pas bon dans ma présentation du texte s'il vous plait?
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses.

Enoncé :
Présenter le texte "Samsung's Galaxy Gear is a flop, here's why".
- Title : Anticipation -> Subject (S-V-C) (Faire une phrase sur le titre)
- Presentation of the text (Présenter le texte)
- Personal reaction (Dire son opinion, sa réaction personnelle sur le texte)

Voici le texte (The text) :
Samsung’s Galaxy Gear is a flop, here’s why
One day there will be a new must-have gadget. It will be on every Christmas list.
Right now, the Samsung Galaxy Gear won’t be that gadget. Reviews have been tepid at best, and one report said that the device’s return rate is above 30 percent at Best Buy.
The watch has been described as bulky and clunky. It doesn’t have a “wow” factor. “Using the Galaxy Gear is like having a maid who only takes out the trash: It’s a high price to pay for something that doesn’t offer much added benefit,” wrote one reviewer.
If you thought overhearing cellphone conversations was annoying, imagine them on speakerphone which is the only way to talk on a Galaxy Gear.
There’s certainly potential in smartwatches. But for now, the Galaxy Gear is a digital Maginot Line on your wrist, a technology that borrowed too much from the past instead of going where the world was heading.
Brennen Byrne wrote a smart essay arguing that computers will essentially disappear as they can predict what we need, so we won’t have to interact with them.
Imagine waiting for a bus or train — looking down at your watch — and instantly seeing when your next potential ride arrives. That’s a real innovation, something that changes our lives for the better. But are you going to pay Samsung $300 to check the weather on your watch, rather than pull your smartphone from your pocket?
Combining Google Now — which attempts to offer helpful information before you ask — and a watch might be a winning formula. The company is reportedly nearing a launch of a smartwatch.
It’s too early to say who will make the best smartwatch. Apple is expected to enter the fray as well. Samsung has struck first, but that doesn’t mean the war is over.


Voici ma présentation du texte (My presentation of the text):
The title said that the text explains why the Galaxy Gear, the new watch launched by Samsung, is a failure.
The text explains that reviews about Samsung Galaxy Gear have not been enthusiastic. Indeed, the return rate of the watch is higher than 30 percent.
People described it as too large and difficult to use.
It's expensive for a device that doesn't have much new functionalities, that is not really revolutionary.
Moreover,the conversations on a Galaxy Gear are more unpleasant that on a cellphone because we talk on speakerphone.
Even if the smartwatches have certainly potential, for the moment, the Galaxy Gear is a technology that is again too in the past instead of turn towards the future.
It's an interesting technology but we don't going to pay Samsung $300 to have functionalities that we have in our smartphone.
Combining Google Now and a watch might be a good idea.
Samsung was the first to launch his smartwatch but Apple should do the same. So, we will see who will make the best smartwatch.
My opinion is that Samsung's Galaxy Gear doesn't interest me because even if it's true that it's a technology that has interesting functionalities, I think that it's useless to buy a watch that is expensive to have functionalities that you have already in your smartphone.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-09-2014 08:37


Réponse: Présentation/ Samsung de sandria, postée le 30-09-2014 à 00:34:57 (S | E)
Pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait, me dire mes erreurs, mes fautes, ce qui n'est pas bon dans ma présentation du texte s'il vous plait?
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses.



Réponse: Présentation/ Samsung de tdu6300, postée le 03-10-2014 à 11:27:48 (S | E)
Bonjour Sandria
Mes remarques en bleu


Voici ma présentation du texte ((Mots manquants: Où est "Voici") My presentation of the text):
Le titre
The title said that the text explains why the Galaxy Gear, the new watch launched by Samsung, is a failure.
Cette phrase est un peu maladroite, mais elle contient les éléments nécessaires. Je pense qu’il faut que vous la reformuliez.
Je vous propose cette prase en français pour vous servir d’inspiration :
« Le titre présente le Galaxy Gear, la nouvelle montre lancée par Samsung, comme un échec et invite le lecteur à lire l’article pour comprendre pourquoi. »
Vous pouvez aussi faire très simple, et conserver votre phrase, mais alors vous devez changer le temps du verbe "said" qui est incorrect ici.


Le texte
The text explains that reviews about Samsung Galaxy Gear have not been enthusiastic. Indeed, the return rate of the watch is higher than 30 percent.
People described it as too large and difficult to use.
It's expensive for a device that doesn't have much new functionalities, that is not really revolutionary.
Moreover, (Ce mot n’est pas incorrect mais il y a quelques subtilités dans l’emploi de ce genre de mot de liaison.
the conversations on a Galaxy Gear are more unpleasant that on a cellphone because we talk on (Je ne suis pas entièrement sûr mais j’emploierais plutôt « through a » Je sais que c’est « on » qui est employé dans le texte d’origine, mais ici, la situation que vous reportez est différente) speakerphone.
Concernant la phrase suivante, vous devriez l’introduire avec une formule qui permettrait de rester dans le cadre de la présentation d’un texte et non d’un résumé.
Even if the smartwatches have certainly potential, for the moment, the Galaxy Gear is a technology that is again too in the past (Formule très lourde; vous pourriez alleger la phrase en utilisant une seule fois le verbe “to turn” conjugué correctement en conservant les mots “toward” et “instead” pour les oppose) instead of turn (Problème de temps) towards the future.
It's an interesting technology but we don't going to (Ce n’est pas comme ça que vous devez écrire “nous n’allons pas… Lien internet
pay Samsung $300 to have functionalities that we (Ajouter “déjà” pour insister) have in our smartphone.
Combining Google Now and a watch might be a good idea.
Samsung was the first to launch his smartwatch but Apple should do the same. So, we will see who (En ce qui concerne les sociétés, je pense qu'elles ne peuvent pas être considérées comme des personnes et donc "who" est incorrect) will make the best smartwatch (Vous pourriez remplacer “smartwatch par un autre mot pour éviter la repetition.).

L’opinion personnelle
My opinion is that Samsung's Galaxy Gear doesn't interest me(Je pense qu’ici vous devriez rester plus générale. L’opinion que vous devriez émettre devrait, selon moi non seulement porter sur l’effet que le texte a sur vous, mais comment vous pensez qu’il devrait affecter les autres personnes. Par exemple, vous auriez pu ne pas être d’accord et inciter vos lecteurs à verifier par eux meme) because even if it's true that it's a technology that has interesting functionalities, I think that it's useless to buy a watch that is expensive to have functionalities that you have already in your smartphone.

J’espère que mes conseils vous seront utiles.
Cordialement.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 03-10-2014 12:46
Le rouge a été effacé. Merci de lire vos messages.



Réponse: Présentation/ Samsung de here4u, postée le 03-10-2014 à 15:34:59 (S | E)
HELLO !

I'm not quite sure I understood what you did, but here's my opinion :

The title said that the text explains why the Galaxy Gear, the new watch launched by Samsung, is a failure.(Weak introduction to the text)
The text explains that reviews about Samsung Galaxy Gear have not been enthusiastic. Indeed, the return rate of the watch is higher than 30 percent.
People described it as too large and difficult to use.
It's expensive for a device that doesn't have much new functionalities, that is not really revolutionary.
Moreover,the conversations on a Galaxy Gear are more unpleasant that on a cellphone because we talk on speakerphone.
Even if the smartwatches have certainly potential,(word order) for the moment, the Galaxy Gear is a technology that is again too in the past(construction) instead of turn towards the future.
It's an interesting technology but we don't going to pay Samsung $300 to have functionalities that we have in our smartphone.
Combining Google Now and a watch might be a good idea.
Samsung was the first to launch his smartwatch but Apple should do the same. So, we will see who will make the best smartwatch.
My opinion is that Samsung's Galaxy Gear doesn't interest me(!!) because even if it's true that it's a technology that has interesting functionalities, I think that it's useless to buy a watch that is expensive to have functionalities that you have already XXX n your smartphone.

In my opinion, your text is very repetitive compared to the original one.
The personal part ( 2 lines 1/2 ... much too short !)is almost the repetition of the text again and of its main idea (too expensive for a product lacking innovation.) The personal part must be much more developed ...Try to analyse the interest( or lack of it!) of launching a product for the sake of launching it ..., creating needs to consumers, without any real progress and new functions. You may also imagine the reactions of the other firms ... You should write words such as 'convincing', ' a temptation', a fraud, or 'a good report' etc.

Bon courage !





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