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Correction/démocratie

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/démocratie
Message de strapunk posté le 09-10-2014 à 17:04:10 (S | E | F)
Bien le bonjour chers anglophones !
J'ai une expression personnelle d'anglais à rendre demain et j'aurais aimé savoir s'il y a des fautes dans mon texte... Et si le niveau est acceptable, sachant que je suis en première année de Lettres supérieures (en prépa donc).
Merci d'avance !

"Democracy permits people to express their choices, by elections or referendums, as the Scottish independence this year and the membership of the European Union in 2017. Is it dangerous for the democracy to give too much democracy to people ? That issue has many impacts among which, following these two examples, the difficulty to manage a state, the hard insertion of the country in the world and the influence of the independent issue across the boarders.

First of all, if a country always has to follow the choices of people, it is hard to please everyone and people think they are almighty, which weakens the country. Moreover, following their wills could be problematic ; for example, an independence will imply the reconstruction of the country which consequently will not have time to take care of other issues.

Furthermore, with these two examples, we may notice that the insertion in the world is more difficult for the country. Indeed, the membership to an international union allows trades and thus an economic development and good relationships between countries. Split that bond by becoming independent or by leaving the union could be dangerous : it can devastate the economy of the country and there would be more difficult to discuss with other states, so less comprehension and, at the extreme point, it could lead to conflicts with them.

Finally, an independence influences other regions, as we have seen for the Shetland and Orkney Islands or for Brittany and Catalonia. It may lead to a revolution of the borders, therefore international disruptions. In the end, the unity would be broken. And after a split, can a region maintain good relations with its country of origin ? It is not really obvious, because this region had reasons to separate off.

To cap it all, giving too much democracy to people seems dangerous, because they are not always aware of the thorny issues their choices imply. They can be influenced by strong political voices, even if what these voices said is wrong, because in a democracy, your word is freed. Thus they can endanger the stability of their states or of the world without realizing it. Switzerland is known to always ask people their advices through referendums and themselves say that there should be less referendums and more governmental sovereignty."

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Modifié par strapunk le 09-10-2014 17:11
J'ai notamment des doutes sur l'absence ou la présence de "the"...


-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 09-10-2014 18:54


Réponse: Correction/démocratie de sherry48, postée le 09-10-2014 à 17:44:43 (S | E)
Hello. I have pointed out some things to work on. Regarding the: use 'the' before specific nouns, often indicated by an adjective being present. It's up to you to decide if 'the' is appropriate. If you post a correction, we can see what you have decided, and agree or disagree. There may still be some minor issues.

"Democracy permits people to express their choices, most of the time in elections. But their advices can also be asked through referendums, as ___ the* Scottish independence this year and the* membership of (different preposition)the European Union in 2017. Is it dangerous for the* democracy to give too much democracy to people? That issue has many impacts among which, following these two? examples, (verb?)the difficulty to manage a country, the hard insertion of the country in the world and the influence of the* independent issue across the boarders./issue of independence


First of all, if a country always has to follow the choices of people, it is hard to please everyone and people think they are almighty, which weakens the country. Moreover, following their will(s) could be problematic ; for example, an independence will imply the reconstruction of the country which consequently will not have time to take care of other issues.

Furthermore, with these two examples, we may notice that the* insertion in the world is more difficult for the country. Indeed, the* membership to an international union allows trades and thus an economic development and good relationships between countries. Split____ that bond by becoming independent or by leaving the union could be dangerous : it can devastate the economy of the country and there would be more difficult to discuss with other states, so less comprehension and, at the extreme point, it could lead to conflicts with them.

Finally, an independence influences other regions, as we have seen for the Shetland and Orkney Islands or for Brittany and Catalonia. It may lead to a revolution of the borders, and therefore international disruptions. In the end, the* unity would be broken. And after a split, can a region maintain good relations with its country of origin ? It is not really obvious, because this region had reasons to separate off./for separation.


To cap (consider using the verb to sum) it all, giving too much democracy to people seems dangerous, because they are not always aware of the thorny issues their choices imply. They can be influenced by strong political voices, even if what these voices say is wrong, because in a democracy, your word is free(d)/there is freedom of speech. Thus they can endanger the stability of their states or of the world without realizing it. Switzerland is known to always ask people (for) their advices through referendums and themselves say that there should be less referendums and more governmental sovereignty."/(Although)Switzerland ....referendums, they also say that there should be fewer...

Sherry




Réponse: Correction/démocratie de strapunk, postée le 09-10-2014 à 18:15:43 (S | E)
Thank you very much, Sherry !
In fact, I have to write an essay of 300 words, so I tried to reduce it. I tried to correct what you said was wrong, and there is the new version :

"Democracy permits people to express their opinions, by elections or referendums, as in the Scottish independence this year and the British membership of the European Union in 2017. Is it dangerous for democracy to give too much democracy to people ? That issue has many impacts among which, following these two examples, are the difficulty to manage a country, the hard insertion of the country in the world and the influence of the independence issue.

Firstly, if a country always follows the choices of people, it does not suit everyone anyway and people think they are almighty, which weakens the country. Moreover, following their wills could be problematic ; for example, an independence will imply the reconstruction of the country which consequently will not have time to deal with other issues.

Furthermore, the membership of an international union allows trades and thus economic development and good relationships between countries. Splitting that bond by becoming independent or by leaving the union could be dangerous : it can devastate the economy of the country and it would be more difficult to discuss with other states, therefore it can lead to conflicts with them.

Finally, independence influences other regions, as we have seen for the Shetland and Orkney Islands. It may lead to a revolution of the borders, and therefore to international disruptions. In the end, unity would be broken. And after a split, can a region maintain good relations with its country of origin ? It is not really obvious, because this region had reasons for separation.

To summarize, giving too much democracy to people seems dangerous, because they are not always aware of the thorny issues their choices imply. They can be influenced by deceitful political speeches and thus they can endanger the stability of their states or of the world without realizing it. Switzerland is known to always ask people their views through referendums and themselves consider that there should be more governmental sovereignty."





Réponse: Correction/démocratie de sherry48, postée le 09-10-2014 à 20:25:04 (S | E)
Hello. Here are a few quick notes on your revision.

...as in the Scottish independence this year and the British membership of(different preposition is better-check the dictionary) the European Union in 2017.

Is it dangerous for democracy to give too much democracy to people ? (Democracy doesn't give democracy-another word).

That issue has many impacts among which, following these two three? examples, are the difficulty to manage a country, the hard insertion of the country in the world and the influence of the independence issue.

...for example, an independence will imply the reconstruction of the country which consequently will not have time to deal with other issues...

To summarize, giving too much democracy... (you are really talking about freedom to choose or to decide for yourself, not democracy)

Sherry



Réponse: Correction/démocratie de strapunk, postée le 09-10-2014 à 21:14:28 (S | E)
Hello again !

Thank you, I corrected my text now. I just have a doubt with "the British membership OF", because I don't see which other preposition can fit... And it is in the subject... :/
Thank you very much ! You really helped me !



Réponse: Correction/démocratie de lucile83, postée le 09-10-2014 à 22:15:06 (S | E)
Hello,

Quand on adhère à quelque chose il y a l'idée de mouvement, on va vers quelque chose...donc...




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