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Correction/ Black Friday

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/ Black Friday
Message de apokali posté le 22-10-2014 à 12:04:43 (S | E | F)
Bonjour !
J
e dois faire une lettre au sujet du vendeur mort à cause du Black Friday et l'envoyer à l'auteur de l'article. Si vous pouviez m'aider à la corriger ce serait génial.
M
erci pour vos réponses.

Good morning,
I just read the article of this poor man being trampled to death by the frantic consumers. I would never have believed people could be that heartless, inhumane and ruthless! This is scandalous! How could they be so indifferent with someone's death. Employee, customer, a passer-by, whatever you want, he was a person who had a family and friends! And because of these "animals", he's now forced to leave everything behind. That is to say especially his family who is probably in its period of mourning.
People get crazy and mad just for Black Friday sale! They are going too far! They have forgotten their values and showed a ridiculous side of their personnality. In this article I saw greedy and selfish persons! They have stolen a man's life just to make bargains. Talking about it makes me sick ! He was standing in line and suddenly people got mad with excitment and began to act like animals when they heard the man's voice telling the store was officially opened. They started to jostle and push everyone around. He was the only one who fell on the floor, that's when people trampled him by walking on his neck again and again.
This show how much people want to consum everything. The consumer society perverted and corrupted people. It took their human side. People should have been more patient , they should have wait for a minute in front of the store instead of acting like wild animals and pushing everyone. I mean, hunt for bargain is a thing, but going until the point of killing someone is absurd and silly! It should not be dangerous for anybody. I'm pretty sure he would have wished to die in an other way than this one. What a terrible day it was! I hope it won't happen again! I hope this tragic event will weigh on people's conscience because that is a big deal!
I look forward to your reply, yours sincerely.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 22-10-2014 12:51


Réponse: Correction/ Black Friday de here4u, postée le 22-10-2014 à 17:14:42 (S | E)
Hello

Good morning,
I just read the article of this poor man being trampled to death by the frantic consumers. I would never have believed people could be that heartless, inhumane and ruthless! This is scandalous! How could they be so indifferent with someone's death. X Employee,X customer, a passer-by, whatever you want, he was a person who had a family and friends! And because of these "animals", he's now forced to leave everything behind. That is to say especially his family who is probably in its period of mourning.
People get crazy and mad just for Black Friday sale! They are going too far! They have forgotten their values and showed(= participe passé!) a ridiculous side of their personnality. In this article I saw greedy and selfish persons! They have stolen a man's life just to make bargains. Talking about it makes me sick ! He was standing in line and suddenly people got mad with excitment and began to act like animals when they heard the man's voice telling the store was officially opened. They started to jostle and push everyone around. He was the only one who fell on the floor, that's when people trampled him by walking on his neck again and again.
This show how much people want to consum everything. The consumer society (Dans cette phase, il faudrait le temps du bilan .) perverted and corrupted people. It took their human side. People should have been more patient , they should have wait for a minute in front of the store instead of acting like wild animals and pushing everyone. I mean, hunt for bargain is a thing, but going until the point of killing someone is absurd and silly! It should not be dangerous for anybody. I'm pretty sure he would have wished to die in an other way than this one.(!!!) What a terrible day it was! I hope it won't happen again! I hope this tragic event will weigh on people's conscience because that is a big deal!
I look forward to your reply,
yours sincerely.





Réponse: Correction/ Black Friday de apokali, postée le 25-10-2014 à 11:55:01 (S | E)
J'ai corrigé pouvez vous me dire si c'est bon ? merci

Good morning
I'm writting this letter to react about the article you wrote about this poor man being trampled to death by the frantic consumers. I would never have believed people could be that heartless, inhumane and ruthless! This is scandalous! How could they be so indifferent to someone's death. An Employee, A customer, a passer-by, whatever you want, he was a person who had a family and friends! And because of these "animals", he's now forced to leave everything behind. That is to say especially his family who is probably in his period of mourning.
People get crazy and mad just for Black Friday sale! They are going too far! They have forgotten their values and shown a ridiculous side of their personality. In this article I saw greedy and selfish persons! They have stolen a man's life just to make bargains. Talking about it makes me sick ! He was standing in line and suddenly people got mad with excitement and began to act like animals when they heard the man's voice telling the store was officially opened. They started to jostle and push everyone around. He was the only one who fell on the floor, that's when people trampled him by walking on his neck again and again.
This shows how much people want to consume everything. The consumer society perverts and corrupts people. It took their human side. People should have been more patient , they should have waited for a minute in front of the store instead of acting like wild animals and pushing everyone. I mean, hunting for bargains is  something, but going until the point of killing someone is absurd and silly! It should not be dangerous for anybody. I'm pretty sure he would have wished to die in another way than this one. What a terrible day it was! I hope it won't happen again! I hope this tragic event will weigh on people's conscience because that is a big deal!
I look forward to your reply, 
yours sincerely.



Réponse: Correction/ Black Friday de here4u, postée le 25-10-2014 à 14:08:45 (S | E)
hello

Second reading ... I may find other 'mistakes' ... don't resent me ...

I'm writting this letter to react about the article you wrote about this poor man being trampled to death by the frantic consumers. I would never have believed people could be that(I'd underline) heartless, inhumane and ruthless! This is scandalous! How could they be so indifferent to someone's death. An Employee, A customer, a passer-by, whatever you want, he was a person who had a family and friends! And because of these "animals", he's now(tense ?) forced to leave everything behind. That is to say especially his family who is probably in his period of mourning.
People get crazy and mad just for Black Friday sale! They are going too far! They have forgotten their values and shown a ridiculous side of their personality. In this article I saw greedy and selfish persons! They have stolen a man's life just to make bargains. Talking about it makes me sick ! He was standing in line and suddenly people got mad with excitement and began to act like animals when they heard the man's voice telling XXX the store was officially opened. They started to jostle and push everyone around. He was the only one who fell on the floor, that's when people trampled him by walking on his neck again and again.
This shows how much people want to consume everything. The consumer society perverts and corrupts people. It took(why did you change tenses ?)+ il manque une particule) their human side. People should have been more patient , they should have waited for a minute in front of the store instead of acting like wild animals and pushing everyone. I mean, hunting for bargains is something, but going until the point of killing someone is absurd and silly! It should not be dangerous for anybody. I'm pretty sure he would have wished to die in another way(it still shocks me !) than this one. What a terrible day it was! I hope it won't happen again! I hope this tragic event will weigh on people's conscience because that is a big deal!
I look forward to your reply,
yours sincerely.

Some arguments could have been expressed differently but there are no more major errors !(What's underlined is clumsy). The first paragraph is a little too compact !
Go on with the good work ...




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