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Idea of progress/correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Idea of progress/correction
Message de afm09 posté le 26-03-2015 à 20:53:33 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Voici mon texte pour ma préparation orale du Bac en anglais ;). Pouvez-vous me corriger mais également me faire part de votre avis sur le choix des parties et de la cohérence de l'ensemble ?
Merci d'avance !

"I am going to talk about the notion Idea of Progress. This notion can be defined as an improvement of a development in science or technology, which contributes to the gradual betterment of humankind.Through this concept, we have tried to answer the question : Will scientific progress generate opportunities or risks for humankind?
In order to better illustrate this issue, i have chosen to present three documents. First of all, we studied two TV news extracts: the first one entitled "3 parents babies" from the United States deals with a new assisted reproductive technology and the other one in Russia called "Baby saves his sibling" talks about Designer babies. Furthermore, I also chose to present the American film "My Sister's Keeper" directed by Nick Cassavetes in 2009 that tells the story of a young girl suffering from leukemia.

First, scientific advances are mainly an opportunity for humankind. Indeed, nowadays, one child on 6500 in the world suffers from an incurable disease. In the document "3 parents babies", the new technology allows to give birth to healthy babies with 3 biological parents. This technique is used to allow parents not to give an incurable disease to their children by adding a third parent during the procreation. The DNA of a healthy parent will supplant the DNA of the ill parent. Maybe soon, the scientists will find a cure for diabetes, AIDS, asthma or cancer.
Likewise, in the American movie My Sister'sKeeper, the Fitzgerald family discovered a way to cure the leukemia of their sick daughter , Kate, by conceiving a designer baby named Anna. Anna, only born to save the life of her sister Kate, was the perfect genetic match by giving her throughout her life some of her body parts. These new technologies seem to be real progress in the medical field since they permit to keep alive sick children or to reduce the number of children with incurable diseases.

However, these scientific advances are a risk for humankind. In the movie, all her childhood, Anna had to live her life according to Kate. Indeed, Kate's life depended on Anna and her ability to keep her alive. Nevertheless, Anna and Kate could die at an time during an operation. So the Fitzgerald family can lose two children instead of having only a sick child. More, Anna by giving her bone marrow coming from the cord could perhaps never have a baby, playing sports of just have a normal life. This film reveals the lack of consideration of the population towards the designer babies just born as objects to save the life of another person. We find the same idea in the document "Baby saves his sibling" where Anya suffering from a rare disease, an aplastic anaemia, received a bone marrow that comes from his brother Sacha, a designer baby. The parents were very frightened because Sacha was a baby of 10 months when he had to undergo his first operation. Indeed, as the Fitzgerald family, instead of having a sick child, both could die. Fort his important operation, Anya was the only child to survive among hospitalized girls. So it proves the dangerousness of these technologies.

Scientific progress might generate opportunities for humankind because it improves the live of sick children and give them hope of one day be able to cure or at least to be able to live longer. However, they still generate risks for families and designer babies whose vital issue is not taken into account. I don't totally disagree with the development of scientific progress at the service of humanity because it may one day lead to completely eradicate incurable disease of our bodies. For now, it still allows to save many lives. But i have the feeling that human rights over their own bodies are not respected in this process. As far as i know, the gift of one-self and body parts should come from a personal choice, not a forced act. We should keep in mind that people should not be born juste for saving others, the designer babies also deserve to live. No one should have the right of life and death over someone."

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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-03-2015 21:41



Réponse: Idea of progress/correction de here4u, postée le 27-03-2015 à 09:49:31 (S | E)
Hello !

Ouch ! That's very long... I'll start... and we'll see later...

"I am going to talk about the notion: the Idea of Progress. This notion can be defined as an improvement of a development in science or technology, which contributes to the gradual betterment(hum ...) of humankind.Through this concept, we have tried to answer the question : Will scientific progress generate opportunities or risks for humankind?
In order to better (Beurk! a split infinitive ... Correct in , to be avoided for exams!) illustrate this issue, i have chosen to present three documents. First of all, we studied two TV news extracts: the first one entitled "3 parents babies"(this is a mistake ... but if it's a title ...) from the United States deals with a new assisted reproductive technology and the other one in Russia called "Baby saves his sibling" talks about Designer babies. Furthermore, I also chose to present the American film "My Sister's Keeper" directed by Nick Cassavetes in 2009 that tells the story of a young girl suffering from leukemia.

First, scientific advances are mainly an opportunity for humankind. Indeed, nowadays, one child on 6500 in the world suffers from an incurable disease. In the document "3 parents babies", the new technology allows to give birth to healthy babies with 3 biological parents. This technique is used to allow parents not to give(transmit) an incurable disease to their children by adding a third parent during the procreation. The DNA of a healthy parent will supplant the DNA of the ill parent. Maybe soon, the scientists will find a cure for diabetes, AIDS, asthma or cancer.
Likewise, in the American movie My Sister'sKeeper, the Fitzgerald family discovered a way to cure the leukemia of their sick daughter , Kate, by conceiving a 'designer baby' named Anna. Anna, only(I hope that she wasn't born for that 'only') born to save the life of her sister Kate, was the perfect genetic match by giving her throughout her life some of her body parts('body parts'??? quite disturbing as you're writing it ...). These new technologies seem to be real progress in the medical field since they permit to keep (alive) sick childrenXXXXX (word order) or to reduce the number of children with incurable diseases.

Quite interesting ... I'll go on later !



Réponse: Idea of progress/correction de afm09, postée le 27-03-2015 à 21:54:09 (S | E)
Thank you here4u for helping me
Sorry for this long text...
Your correction is very interesting and your comments help me a lot !!!
What do you mean by :
In order to better (Beurk! a split infinitive ... Correct in , to be avoided for exams!) illustrate this issue, i have chosen to present three documents.
I take into account your advice and hope you can help me to improve my expression

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Modifié par lucile83 le 27-03-2015 22:24




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