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Mythes et héros/ correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Mythes et héros/ correction
Message de sorafgn posté le 06-04-2015 à 16:13:29 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, j
e passe mon oral d'anglais du Bac dans deux semaines et je prépare mes fiches. Seulement, je ne sais pas si j'ai corrigé toutes les erreurs sur la notion "Myths and Heroes". Pourriez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait ? Je vous en serais très reconnaissant.

Voici mon texte:

A myth can be defined as a story about gods or heroes, it can be a popular belief or a tradition or a false notion. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for his or her achievements, a superhero or maybe a role model or an icon. I am going to talk about two people who are heroes for me, Chuck Yeager and Neil Amstrong.

Chuck Yeager was born in February, 1923
In November, 1943, he becomes an ace of the aviation. During the war, he shot down thirteen German planes
After the war, he stays in the US air forces and becomes a pilot-instructor for later become a test pilot.
In 1947, he is indicated to break the sound barrier. Then, he makes several tries for several months, but he loses control for one of them.
Before moment when he breaks the sound barrier, Yeager had a rib broken but he prefered to hide it because he wanted to try again.
Further to it, he visited a doctor and found a way to close the side door of his plane.
It's during this try that he became the first man who managed to exceed the speed of sound and come back alive.
After that, he received many distinctions.

Neil Amstrong was born in August, 1930 to Wapakoneta in Ohio.
From an early age, Neil is interested by the aviation. At 2 years old, his father takes him to the air races of Cleveland and at the age of 6, he makes his first flight.
He obtains his pilot's licence the day of his sixteenth birthday, before even his driving licence. He does pilot's training course in the navy. He becomes a test pilot in 1955. In 1958, he is selected to be a member of the program "Man In Space Soonest".
In 1962, he is choosen as one of the six pilot engineers likely to pilot the plane in the space if the project becomes a reality. In December , 1968 Slayton announces to Armstrong that he was chosen as commander of Apollo 11, the first mission which could land on the Moon.

On July 16th, 1969, Neil Armstrong takes off in the direction of the moon with Buzz Aldrin.
5 days later, he is the first man to walk on the Moon and pronounces the famous sentence: "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind".
After that, Armstrong also received many distinctions.
He dies in August, 2012 and president Obama declared: "Neil Armstrong was a hero not just of his time, but of all time "

I consider these two people as heroes because they risk their life for the science. This risk-taking has allowed to take forward the researches about the aviation and about the moon.
They are also the first ones to have made these exploits and have quite both received many distinctions for their action and their bravery.
They made a success their exploits by going at the end of their passions, what's respectable.
A last point, Neil Armstrong succeeded all that he began.
They are both of them heroes, people we would want to look like.

Merci pour votre aide !

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 06-04-2015 17:29


Réponse: Mythes et héros/ correction de here4u, postée le 06-04-2015 à 22:06:22 (S | E)
Hello !
I'll start... but I'm not sure I'll finish tonight...

A myth can be defined as a story about gods or heroes, it can be a popular belief or a tradition or a false notion. A hero can be a mythological figure, a person who is admired for his or her achievements, a superhero or maybe a role model or an icon. I am going to talk about two people who are heroes for me, Chuck Yeager and Neil Amstrong.

Chuck Yeager was born in February, 1923
In November, 1943, he becomes an ace of the aviation. During the war, he shot down thirteen German planes
After the war, he stays in the US air forces and becomes a pilot-instructor for laterTO become a test pilot LATER.
In 1947, he is indicated (REPORTED) to break the sound barrier. Then, he makes several tries for several months, but he loses control for one of them(One of what? during one of the tries?).
Before THE moment when he breaks the sound barrier, Yeager had a rib broken but he prefered to hide it because he wanted to try again.
Further to it, he visited a doctor and found a way to close the side door of his plane.(???)
It's during this try that he became the first man who managed to exceed the speed of sound and come back alive.
After that, he received many distinctions.

Neil Amstrong was born in August, 1930 to Wapakoneta in Ohio.
From an early age, Neil is interested by the aviation. At 2 years old, his father takes him to the air races of Cleveland and at the age of 6, he makesvoc and tense) his first flight.

Courage !



Réponse: Mythes et héros/ correction de here4u, postée le 07-04-2015 à 18:19:43 (S | E)
Hello ... (continued!)

Don't forget that the tense of narration is the preterite ...

He obtains his pilot's licence the day of his sixteenth birthday, before even his driving licence. He does pilot's training course in the navy. He becomes a test pilot in 1955. In 1958, he is selected to be a member of the program "Man In Space Soonest".
In 1962, he is choosen as one of the six pilot engineers likely to pilot the plane in the space if the project becomes a reality. In December , 1968 Slayton announces to Armstrong that he was chosen as commander of Apollo 11, the first mission which could land on the Moon.

On July 16th, 1969, Neil Armstrong takes off in the direction of the moon with Buzz Aldrin.
5 days later, he is the first man to walk on the Moon and pronounces the famous sentence: "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind".
After that, Armstrong also received many distinctions.
He dies in August, 2012 and president Obama declared: "Neil Armstrong was a hero not just of his time, but of all time "

I consider these two people as heroes because they risk their life for the science. This risk-taking has allowed to take forward the researches about the aviation and about the moon.
They are also the first ones to have made these exploits(clumsy!)and have quite both received many distinctions for their action and their bravery.
They made a success their exploits by going at the end of their passions, what's respectable.
A last point, Neil Armstrong succeeded all that he began.
They are both of them heroes, peopleXXXXwe would want to look like.

Hope it'll help !



Réponse: Mythes et héros/ correction de sorafgn, postée le 11-04-2015 à 14:01:03 (S | E)
Thanks you very much !




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