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Space and exchanges/oral

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Space and exchanges/oral
Message de milicha posté le 15-05-2015 à 17:37:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
je poste ma deuxième notion. Je passe dans moins d'une semaine mon oral de Bac anglais et j'aimerais sincèrement qu'on puisse m'aider à corriger et améliorer mon travail. Merci pour vos réponses.

Well, i'm going to speak about space and exchanges. First let me try and give a simple definition of this notion.
Our world is built on the exploration and conquest of new spaces.
The different spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected
So, This notion deals with interaction, between different spaces.
I'd like to illustrate this notion through an interesting topic, namely borderlands.
That is, the US-Mexico border.
Thus we may wonder what is stake of this border ?
I've chosen to divide my presentation into 2 parts.
Effectively, in a first part, we will see that it is a place very cross, so as to emigrate, and do legitimate businesses. In my last part, i will show that, it is a place, who stay a danger zone.

First of all, the US-Mexico border is one of the longest borders in the world.
It stretches over several states in the USA and is snakes from San Diego to brownsville, across all sorts of landscapes, from mountains to deserts.
Indeed, as mexico can only offer limited job oppostunities, many mexicans who are destitute dream of crosing the border to find sucess and better prospects in one of the wealthiest countries in the world.
That's why every day they are a lot of mexicans who try their chance.
Indeed, In a video, a journalist explained that there are about hundreds of people who is crossing the border every year.
Moreover, he Showed that there is a legal buisness who is thriving. It comes to 650 millions dollards.
given that it is place who is very crossing, they have a lot of security camera, and the border is guarded by more than twenty thousand Border Patrol agents. nevertheless, that can't stop from illegal trafic and illegal emigration.

Indeed, for instance, we have seen an extract from a narrative named "texas" from james michener. In this document, a group of Mexicans, including our main characters Manuela and Candido Guzman have decided to migrate illegally thanks to the help of smugglers. Sadly, the smugglers ditched them, and they suffered a horrible death. Candido seemed to have survived.
This extract highlights the danger who encounter a lot of emigrant.
Moreover there is several mexicans who try to pass a below the border.
It is more dangerous.
Indeed, there are drug traffic through tunnels . we can find about 2 tons of marijuana.

To conclude, i can say that the border is dangerous not only above, with several obtacles, for instance barbed wire, or borders patrols agents but also below with illegal trafic. I think that this situation become very serious and dangerous for a lot of people. It's time to react .

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 15-05-2015 19:31


Réponse: Space and exchanges/oral de milicha, postée le 16-05-2015 à 17:20:20 (S | E)
J'ai un gros doute avec la grammaire



Réponse: Space and exchanges/oral de gerondif, postée le 16-05-2015 à 23:41:15 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en rouge.
Vous citez deux exemples mais je peine à voir votre raisonnement.

Well, I'm going to speak about space and exchanges. First let me try and give a simple definition of this notion.
Our world is built on the exploration and conquest of new spaces.
The different spaces of the world are nowadays more and more connected
So, This notion deals with interaction between different spaces.
I'd like to illustrate this notion through an interesting topic, namely borderlands.
That is the US-Mexico border.
Thus we may wonder what is at stake with this border ?
I've chosen to divide my presentation into 2 parts.
Effectively, in a first part, we will see that it is a place very cross(signifie un endroit très contrarié, mettez cross au participe passé DEVANT le mot place), so as to emigrate, and do legitimate businesses(singulier). In my last part, I will show that, it is a place who(place n'est pas un humain) stay(mauvais choix de verbe rester) a danger zone.

First of all, the US-Mexico border is one of the longest borders in the world.
It stretches over several states in the USA and is snakes from San Diego to brownsville, across all sorts of landscapes, from mountains to deserts.
Indeed, as Mexico can only offer limited job oppostunities, many Mexicans who are destitute dream of crossing the border to find success and better prospects in one of the wealthiest countries in the world.
That's why every day they are(il y a) a lot of Mexicans who try their chance.(mauvais choix pour la chance, prenez le mot de l'expression "bonne chance" good l***!")
Indeed, In a video, a journalist explained that there are about hundreds of people who is crossing(pluriel, un present simple irait mieux avec "every year")) the border every year.
Moreover, he showed that there is a legal business who is thriving. It comes to 650 millions dollars.
given that it is a place who is very crossing(l'endroit n'est pas traversant mais traversé), they have a lot of security cameras, and the border is guarded by more than twenty thousand Border Patrol agents. nevertheless, that can't stop from illegal trafic and illegal emigration.

Indeed, for instance, we have seen an extract from a narrative named "texas" from James Michener. In this document, a group of Mexicans, including our main characters Manuela and Candido Guzman have decided to migrate illegally thanks to the help of smugglers. Sadly, the smugglers ditched them, and they suffered a horrible death. Candido seemed to have survived (pourtant, vous les déclarez mort la phrase d'avant.).
This extract highlights the danger who encounter a lot of emigrants (mettez le verbe à la fin de la phrase).
Moreover there is(pluriel) several mexicans who try to pass a below the border.
It is more dangerous.
Indeed, there are drug traffics through tunnels. we can find(can est inutile, mettez le verbe find au prétérit avec un sujet they, vous ne faites pas partie de la police pour dire "we" nous avons trouvé...) about(nearly, presque, irait mieux) 2 tons of marijuana.

To conclude, I can say that the border is dangerous not only above, with several obtacles, for instance barbed wire, or border patrol agents but also below with illegal trafic. I think that this situation become very serious and dangerous for a lot of people. It's time to react.(vous voulez dire quoi,fermer les frontières et tirer sur les gens??)




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