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Notion/idea of progress

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Notion/idea of progress
Message de nola19 posté le 16-01-2016 à 14:47:13 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
pourriez-vous corriger mon texte s'il vous plait?
Merci d'avance pour vos réponses!

I will introduce the notion « Idea of progress ». The idea of progress it’s a gradual betterment: especially : the progressive development of humankind. In the 1960s, there is radical change the world of music, fashion, art. It's the period the most representative of the progress is the sixties. The sixties are depicted as new era, a golden age when radical changes happened in a great britain.
How the music reflects the change happening in society in the 60s ?
At first, we will see that the music was illicit. Then, we will talk about how the music affect the society..

Firstly, many musics and radios are not allowed. We can see in the text « The real story behind britains rock'n roll » the Sixties were a decade of musical revolution, and the Britain was at the core of this revolution, thanks to pirates radios which broadcasted rock'n'roll from boats offshore. It was illegal. The rock'n roll was first banished British but 20 million British waves listened through pirate radio stations located or British authorities. Despite the ban, the pirate radio continued to broadcast. In 1964, the pirate radio “radio caroline” was the first offshore radio. This war between the government and the radio finalment gave birth to the opening of a pop BBC radio.
So, at United States the popular music has allowed full freedom of expression.

During the Sixties, there were real big progress, especially social with the opening of BBC radio and broadcasting new music that became legal.

Secondly, we can see on the cover of the April 5 1966 issue of Time magazine that society is no longer strict, the youth begun to free itself from the tradition. The contrast between young and old London is strong. While on the righthand side, there are only old Londonians in their Rolls Royce, dressed in traditional clothes and showing grumpy faces, we can see on the lefthand side young people wearing flares and apparently drugged, and looking happy. They don't mix together and this shows that the young generation was rejected and not understood at all by their parents.
The cover time magazine also alludes to the changes in music, with the reference to a well-known band of the UK's sixties, The Who. Indeed, this decade were also a decade of music rise, with the birth of hudge bands, which are still popular today, such as the Beatles, the Rolling Stones.

In conclusion, the sixties was a decade ruled by the younger generation who enjoyed their freedom by partying hard and wearing wild clothes and also with musics. The Sixties were a decade of musical revolution, and the Britain was at the core of this revolution, thanks to pirates radios which broadcasted rock'n'roll from boats offshore.
This revolution did change the mentality of young people.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 16-01-2016 19:09


Réponse: Notion/idea of progress de gerondif, postée le 19-01-2016 à 20:03:06 (S | E)
Bonjour,
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert

I will (un conditionnel passerait bien aussi) introduce the notion « Idea of progress ». The idea of progress it’s is that of a gradual betterment: especially : the progressive development of humankind. In the 1960s, there is (un prétérit serait logique) a radical change the world of music, fashion, art. It's the most representative period of the progress is the sixties. The sixties are depicted as a new era, a golden age when radical changes happened in a great britain.(majuscules)
How does music reflect the change happening in society in the 60s ?
At first, we will see that the music was illicit. Then, we will talk about how the music affects the society..

Firstly, many musics and radios are (prétérit) not allowed. We can see in the text « The real story behind Britain's rock'n roll » the Sixties were a decade of musical revolution, and the Britain was at the core of this revolution, thanks to pirates radios which broadcasted rock'n'roll from boats offshore. It was illegal. The rock'n roll was first banished in Britain British but 20 million British waves(vous êtes sûre que ces sont les vagues qui écoutaient ? j'aurais mis people) listened through pirate radio stations located or British authorities(ne veut rien dire, les bateaux étaient hors des eaux territoriales). Despite the ban, the pirate radio continued to broadcast. In 1964, the “radio caroline”pirate radio was the first offshore radio. This war between the government and the radio finalment(n'existe pas, ou alors votre traducteur l'a raté parce qu'il est mal orthographié)) gave birth to the opening of a pop BBC radio.
So, at the United States the popular music has(auxiliaire être) allowed full freedom of expression. (On se demande pourquoi vous dites: donc, aux USA, la musice pop a obtenu une liberté totale d'expression. En quoi est-ce que ça découle du paragraphe précédent ?)

During the Sixties, there were(singulier) real big progress, especially social progress with the opening of BBC radio and broadcasting new music that became legal.

Secondly, we can see on the cover of the April 5th 1966 issue of Time magazine that society is(prétérit?) no longer strict, the youth begun to free itself from the tradition. The contrast between young and old London is strong. While on the right hand side, there are only old Londonians in their Rolls Royces, dressed in traditional clothes and showing grumpy faces, we can see on the left hand side young people wearing flares and apparently drugged, and looking happy. They don't mix together(ce n'est pas ensemble qu'il faut mettre mais l'un avec l'autre with each other) and this shows that the young generation was rejected and not understood at all by their parents.
The cover of time magazine also alludes to the changes in music, with the reference to a well-known band of the UK's sixties, The Who. Indeed, this decade were(singulier) also a decade of music rise, with the birth of hudge bands, which are still popular today, such as the Beatles, the Rolling Stones.

In conclusion, the sixties was a decade ruled by the younger generation who enjoyed their freedom by partying hard and wearing wild clothes and also with musics. The Sixties were a decade of musical revolution, and the Britain was at the core of this revolution, thanks to pirates radios which broadcasted rock'n'roll from boats offshore.(Répétition, vous l'aviez déja dit)
This revolution did change the mentality of young people.






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