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Message de pauline1835 posté le 10-05-2019 à 16:07:52 (S | E | F)
je suis en terminale au CNED et je n'ai personne pour me relire dans mon entourage.
est-ce que vous pouvez relire mon texte et me dire s'il y a des fautes de grammaire ou que ce n'est pas compréhensible?
The notion I’m going to deal with is myths and heroes. It can illustrate the topic cosmopolitan and modern Britain.
A myth can be defined as a tradition. The multiculturalism is the preservation of different cultures within a unified society, as a state. The problematic is: to what extent can Britain be considered as a multicultural country? To answer this question, I would like to talk about 2 documents: one text and one picture. First, I am going to present you the text “black Britons” Secondly, the picture “running guards” who emphasize this multiculturalism.
First, Britain is a country composed of people from various ethnic groups. Since the Second World War, people from different countries come to live in Britain, bringing with them their skills and cultures. The article named "Black Britons" from the Guardian, published in 2011 shows the dark side of the recent immigration in Britain. This paper deals with the integration of people of African and Caribbean heritage in Britain.
To begin with, their ties with their country of origin were still strong. But throughout the decade, black people started to feel more British, and they may consider themselves "Black Britons". If the first generation of migrants felt more black than British, it is clearly explained that there is no contradiction for the younger generation, who she is well-integrated, between ethnicity and identity.According to the text, Black Britons feel more British than before whereas the majority of people in Britain feel less British than in the past.
Secondly, this picture of the London photographer Gideon Hart, is part of the series called London Guards.
The scene, photographed on the banks of the River Thames in London, shows a group of athletes of both sexes and of mixed origins running along the river. It could be the London marathon. The runners all seem focused on the race.
Among the runners, looking straight at the camera is a guard in uniform, and a second guard can be seen on the right. The contrast between the runners and the guard is underlined by the fact that he’s wearing his uniform.
By showing runners, the photographer is projecting the idea of a nation moving forward together with a common goal in mind. The role of the Queen’s guards is to defend the monarchy. They are also one of the most emblematic postcard icons of Britain, they are myths. By placing the guards, he is indicating that this event concerns all parts of British society. Moreover, the fact that he is black in an élite army corps, rooted in tradition, may indicate that society in Britain is becoming more open. The picture focus on a multi-cultural and multi-ethnic Britain, a nation that combines the old and the new. The buildings in the background also underline this: we see the old County Hall to the right of the London Eye. So, this photo is a combination of tradition and modernity.
To sum up, both documents help us to understand how Britain has evolved towards a multicultural society since the post-war years.
They could also be linked to the notion idea of progress because the younger generation of black Britons live a better life than their fathers. They feel part of a community, as the runners and this can indeed be considered as a great social progress for the British society.
So, to my mind, the diversity of origins in Britain is a benefit, being Britain doesn't refer to any ethical identity. Britain has always been multicultural and the British identity is made of contrast.
Modifié par lucile83 le 10-05-2019 22:24
Réponse : Texte /Bac oral de laure95, postée le 10-05-2019 à 17:43:02 (S | E)
- It can illustrate the topic cosmopolitan and modern Britain: ?
- The (pas de the)multiculturalism is the preservation of different cultures within a unified society, as (like pas as)a state.
- Secondly, the picture “running guards” who (pas le bon relatif)emphasize (faute de conjugaison)this multiculturalism.
- Since the Second World War, people from different countries come (since + present perfect)to live in Britain,
- This paper (article pas paper)deals with the integration of people
- who she is well-integrated,
- the majority of people in Britain feel(s) less British than in the past.
- the London photographer Gideon Hart,
- It could be the (pas de the)) London marathon. The runners all seem focused (présent) on the race.
- (article)society in Britain is becoming more open(-minded).
- The picture focus (faute de conjugaison) on a multi-cultural and multi-ethnic Britain,
- we (can) see the old County Hall to the right of the London Eye.
- They feel part of a community, as (like pas as)the runners
- the British identity is made of contrast (pluriel).
Je tenais à saluer ton travail qui répond aux attentes du Bac!
Réponse : Texte /Bac oral de pauline1835, postée le 11-05-2019 à 10:25:55 (S | E)
merci beaucoup Laure95 pour ta correction!
Réponse : Texte /Bac oral de mathieu, postée le 16-05-2019 à 13:41:42 (S | E)
Secondly, this picture ... (je propose, "Second" pour harmoniser avec "first"). Par ailleurs, comme c'est deux idées c'est mieux d'utiliser "d'une part" et "d'autre part"
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