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oral anglais merci de corriger les fautes (1)

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oral anglais merci de corriger les fautes
Message de deesse21 posté le 11-10-2007 à 21:58:53 (S | E | F | I)

bonjour,

je dois présenter à l'oral un sujet d'actualité pendant quelques minutes et j'ai choisi de parler de la campagne publicitaire sur l'anorexie:

Today I am going to speak about the advertising campaign against the anorexia in the environment of the fashion realised by the photographer Oliviero Toscani.

The Italian photographer Oliviero Toscani revealed a publicity shock showing a bare young woman, the fleshless body, on the occasion of a campaign against the anorexia sponsored by brand of Italian clothes. This advertising has creates a polemic in Italy during the week of the fashion in Milan.

Indeed, Toscani in its campaign shock against the anorexia wants to alert the girls on the mortal dangers of the thinness. These posters are intended to sensitise the public of the anorexia.

It is a 27-year-old Frenchwoman, Isabelle Caro, who posed for the photographer. On her blog, she explains that she is an actress and suffers from the anorexia since the age of 13 years because of a difficult childhood. After being down to 25 kilos, she weighs 32 today. She explains that it is the duty to transmit a message on the dangers which one resorts by going too far to search for thinness.
In France, the office of checking of publicity was opposed to the diffusion these advertisements because it shows a person suffering manifestly from a pathology. For Isabelle Caro it is a disappointment, she thinks that in France one veils the face on the reality of the anorexia.

The problem of the anorexia is of current events in the world of the fashion since the death in November, 2006 of a young Brazilian, a 21-year-old model, Ana Carolina Reston, died in a hospital of Sao Paulo whereas this young woman of 1,72m weighed 40 kilos. The representatives of the industry of the Italian fashion and the government of Romano Prodi signed in December, 2006 a code of manners intended to fight against the anorexia at the women.

If the creators of fashion have as a whole greeted the new publicity of Toscani, associations working with anorexics considered it contreproductive for the persons suffering from the disease. The Italian Association against the anorexia, the bulimia and the obesity considers that the "devastating" image of Toscani risks to incite women to want to look like Isabelle Caro in a desire of publicity and visibility.




merci de corriger mes fautes




Réponse: oral anglais merci de corriger les fautes de jean31, postée le 12-10-2007 à 10:24:57 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Les fautes relevées ci-dessous, dont la plupart sont carrément grossières, vont lourdement handicaper ton travail, même à l'oral.
Alors rectifie "le tir" s'il te plaît
.

- emploi abusif de "the" devant des noms abstraits pris dans leur sens général.
- réaliser/se rendre compte = to realize <=> réaliser/effectuer/accomplir/faire = to make/carry out/achieve.
- present perfect = auxiliaire have/has + participe passé du verbe.
- accord en genre de l'adjectif possessif avec le possesseur.
- place de l'adjectif épithète DEVANT le nom.
- etc, etc, etc
.


Réponse: oral anglais merci de corriger les fautes de deesse21, postée le 12-10-2007 à 15:50:59 (S | E)
voilà j'ai corrigé quelques fautes (enfin j'espère) je suis pas tres douée en anglais...même si je consulte très souvent ce site et que j'apprends les leçons.

il faut vraiment m'aider!! s.v.p.voici se que je compte présenter à l'oral:

Today I am going to speak about the advertising campaign against anorexia in environment of fashion carried out by the photographer Oliviero Toscani.

The Italian photographer Oliviero Toscani revealed a publicity showing a bare young woman, fleshless body, on the occasion of a campaign against anorexia sponsored by brand of Italian clothes. This advertising has creates a polemic in Italy during the fashion week in Milan.

Indeed, Toscani in its campaign against anorexia wants to alert girls on mortal dangers of the thinness. These posters are intended to sensitise public of anorexia.

It is a 27-year-old Frenchwoman, Isabelle Caro, who posed for the photographer. On her blog, she explains that she is an actress and suffers from anorexia since the age of 13 years because of a difficult childhood. After being down to 25 kilos, she weighs 32 today. She explains that it is the duty to transmit a message on the dangers wich one resorts by going too far to search for thinness.
In France, the office of checking of publicity was opposed to the diffusion these advertisements because it shows a person suffering manifestly from a pathology. For Isabelle Caro it is a disappointment.

The problem of anorexia is of current events in world of fashion since the death in November, 2006 of a young Brazilian, a 21-year-old model, Ana Carolina Reston, died in a hospital of Sao Paulo whereas this young woman of 1,72m weighed 40 kilos.

If the creators of fashion have as a whole greeted the new publicity of Toscani, associations working with anorexics considered it contreproductive for the persons suffering from the disease. The Italian Association against anorexia, bulimia and obesity considers that the "devastating" image of Toscani risks inciting women to want to look like Isabelle Caro in a desire of publicity and visibility.


-------------------
Modifié par mariebru le 12-10-2007 16:16


Réponse: oral anglais merci de corriger les fautes de jean31, postée le 12-10-2007 à 17:00:46 (S | E)
Bonjour,

C'est mieux ... mais "peut et doit encore mieux faire"...
Tâche de mettre à profit cette correction de manière à comprendre tes fautes pour ne plus les refaire.
Good luck.

Today I am going to speak about the advertising campaign against anorexia in the environment of fashion carried out by the photographer Oliviero Toscani.

The Italian photographer Oliviero Toscani revealed an advertisement showing a bare young woman, all skin and bone , on the occasion of a campaign against anorexia sponsored by a brand of Italian clothes. This advertising has created a polemic in Italy during the fashion week in Milan.

Indeed, Toscani in his campaign against anorexia Toscani wants to alert girls on the mortal dangers of the thinness. These posters are intended to sensitise the public to anorexia.

It is a 27-year-old Frenchwoman, Isabelle Caro, who posed for the photographer. On her blog, she explains that she is an actress and has been suffering from anorexia since the age of she was 13 years old because of a difficult childhood. After being down to 25 kilos, she weighs 32 today. She explains that it is the her duty to transmit pass on a message about the dangers which people risk by going too far to search for thinness.
In France, the Advertising Industry Regulating Authority was opposed to the release of these advertisements because they show a person suffering manifestly from a pathology. For Isabelle Caro it is a disappointment.

The problem of anorexia has been currently on the news in the world of fashion since the death in November 2006 of a young Brazilian, a 21-year-old model, Ana Carolina Reston. She died in a hospital of Sao Paulo. whereas This young woman of 1,72m only weighed 40 kilos.

If the creators of fashion designers have as a whole greeted the new advertisement of Toscani, associations working with anorexics considered it counter-productive for the persons suffering from the disease. The Italian Association against anorexia, bulimia and obesity considers that the "devastating" image of Toscani risks inciting women to want to look like Isabelle Caro in a desire of publicity and visibility.


-------------------
Modifié par jean31 le 12-10-2007 17:01




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