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Mon oral d'anglais, commentaires ? (1)

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Mon oral d'anglais, commentaires ?
Message de firebryan posté le 17-11-2007 à 20:22:00 (S | E | F | I)

C'est encore moi ! ^^
Je viens de finir mon exposé d'anglais, que je vais présenter dans 2 jours.
Il a pour thème : "The history of basketball".
J'aimerai avant ça corriger les dernieres petites fautes de conjug, ou de grammaire ^^
Voici mon exposé :

------------------------------------------------------------------
I’m going to introduce you to the history of basketball.

At first, the history of basketball began with Dr James Naismith.
(là je présente une photo de lui)
HE is the man who invented basketball.
He was born in Canada, on November 6th, 1861, and he used to be a great gymnast and lacrosse player, when he was young.

In 1891, while working as a physical education teacher at the YMCA International Training School in Springfield, in Massachussetts, he was wondering how he would distract his pupils in Winter, during the American Football and Base-ball seasons, because the practice of outdoors sports was difficult....
So he had the idea of creating a new game that would not take up much room, was not too rough, and at the same time, could be played indoors. He had no idea he would invent what would become the most popular indoor sport in the USA.

One day, inspired by game he played as a child called Duck on a Rock, he got the idea of placing two fishing wooden boxes on the ramps of the gymnasium which were placed at 10 feets high (that means abt 3 meters), and where students had to shoot a ball to score a goal.
…As the boxes were hard to hit, this game required as much agility as strenght.
On January 15th, 1892, in the Springfield official newspaper, he published the 13 rules for basketball.
He will republish them in 1893, slightly modifed, for example he included dribble to them.
He also removed the boxes and he invented the nailed basket that we know today.

In 1898, he shifted to the Kansas University, and became the school’s first basketball coach.
Basketball became a popular men's sport in the USA and Canada very quickly, and spread to other countries as well, especially during the first World War.

Later, in 1946, the BAA or the Basketball Association of America, has been created, which is the second basketball league, after the NBL, or the National Basketball League.
3 years later, the BAA and the NBL merge to create the famous NBA league, or the National Basketball Association, which today includes 30 teams through the US.

Today, basketball invades cinema, for exemple : Space Jam with Micheal Jordan in 1996, or Coach Carter in 2005.
A variant of Basketball also exists : it is called Streetball, which allows a lot of new and amazing moves, and which can be played in music, especially with Hip-hop music.


I decided to present this article because basketball is my favourite sport.. I used to play it three times a week. I also think that in France, basketball is less popular than football, compared to the US, where basketball is the second most played sport, just after Base-ball, and before American football. So Finally, I hope the men in this class will stop football, and switch to basketball !!
------------------------------------------------------------------


Voilà, j'espere que vous aurez le courage de tout lire ^^
j'attends vos critiques ! Merci :D


Réponse: Mon oral d'anglais, commentaires ? de gee, postée le 18-11-2007 à 00:23:36 (S | E)
Your essay enlighted me with pleasure. I want to congratulate you. Would I have to write it, I'm not sure I could challenge it.
I for one think that there are not plenty of bugs to be revised. Of course I'd tell it otherwise in many sentences. I hereafter point out a few ones.

(...)
The history of basketball began with Dr James Naismith.[cutting 'At first']
(...)
in Springfield, Massachussetts[cut:in], he was wondering how he could entertain his pupils in winter, [distract is a false friend]
(...)
outdoor sports [I'd use the adjective outdoor predicating the name sports rather that the name outdoors]
(...)
a new game that would not take up much room, WOULD not be too rough, and at the same time, could be played indoors.[here indoors because it is adverb.]
He had no idea he WAS ABOUT TO COIN/INVENT what would become the most popular indoor sport in the USA. [isn't it better that the 'would' don't run in a row?]
(...)
inspired by a game
(...)
fastened 10 feet high /or/ fastened at 10 feet height
(...)
On January 15th, 1892, in the Springfield official newspaper, he published the 13 rules for basketball.
He would release a remake of them in 1893, fit with slight modifications. Notably, dribbling got permitted. [republish is correct but republish after publish doesn't sound good to me.]
(...)
the nailed basket [??? what do you mean? I guess 'the weaved basket']
(...)
Later, in 1946, WAS created the BAA - Basketball Association of America - which is the second basketball league, after the NBL - the National Basketball League. [this construction would make it clearer about the pronoun WHICH]
3 years later, the BAA and the NBL mergED
(...)
throughout the US.
(...)

Mind you! I'm neither a native, nor a fluent. May my suggestions make you reconsider the quoted passages.
Anyway, proficiat.


Réponse: Mon oral d'anglais, commentaires ? de firebryan, postée le 18-11-2007 à 17:21:42 (S | E)
Wow ty very much!

I fixed the "bugs" and I am ready to speak tomorrow!
I'll keep you informed ! ^^

Thank you again !




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