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correction texte pour oral juin 08 (1)

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correction texte pour oral juin 08
Message de david1989 posté le 13-06-2008 à 18:01:10 (S | E | F)

Hello my name is David, I’m nineteen years old. I was born in Charleroi. My birthday is January 7th, 1989. My star sign is Capricorn. I live in ****. I have two older brothers the first one is called Giovanni he is thirty years old he works in a pharmaceutical company(society) he is married and he has a girl who is called Léa she is two years old. I am his uncle.
The godfather is called Michael he is 24 years old he still lives at home and works in the garage as mechanic.

I am still at the school, I studied English for 7 years and I am in terminal. I wish to continue my studies to become a real estate agent because I appreciate the contact with the persons, I like the clothing style dress up tie. I like going in for sport it has been approximately 4 months since I practise body-building and I made 3 months in room with friends to learn bases I have to buy the necessary material and I train at home.
I work all my muscles arms, legs, pectoral and abdominal muscles.
I have some small defect I am jealous, a little bit obsessive with my business(affairs), very vindictive and I am very difficult to choose a girlfriend it is for it that I am a single at the moment.

On the other hand I have of numerous quality I am very sociable, generous, I am always present when a friend at need of me, kind and funny.
I would define myself as somebody to exciting, serious and moody.
The season which I prefer is the summer because I like the sun, the heat, the holidays in the sea, the exits (releases) in the swimming pool, between friends. The clothes lighter short, and T-shirt. It is the season of strawberries and cherries and I like that. In the future I would like to become a real estate agent and to hold my own real estate agency, it is an appropriate (clean) profession and that well earns the keep.

Bonjour à tous voilà le résultat de mon texte pour l'oral(e), en attente de vos suggestions d'avance bisous à vous
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 13-06-2008 18:28


Réponse: correction texte pour oral juin 08 de joey93, postée le 13-06-2008 à 19:05:06 (S | E)
my birthday is On January...
he has a daughter who is named (évite la répétition de "called")
Her godfather....
I'm still at school (pas d'article défini "the")
I've been studying English for 7 years
I appreciate contact with persons (pas d'article défini)
I like....at home = revois essentiellement le temps, consulte les fiches sur le site
that's the reason why I'm single right now.
I've numerous qualities
I'm always helpful when a friend needS me (ne pas oublier le "s" de la 3ème personne)
je ne comprend pas ce que tu veux dire par : " I would define myself as somebody to exciting".
I like heat (revois l'emploi des articles définis)
je suis désolée, je n'ai pas le temps de lire le reste, mais j'espère t'avoir éclairé, bonne chance


Réponse: correction texte pour oral juin 08 de hoger, postée le 13-06-2008 à 19:50:12 (S | E)
In general, watch your punctuation (not necessary for an oral prsentation, I know —just don't forget it in written texts.
Some details:
  • I am his [gender!!—Léa is a girl, isn't she?] uncle.
  • The [unclear reference: Whose godfather? Yours? Léa's? Mario Puzo's?] godfather is called Michael
  • he still lives at home and works in the [use the indefinite article, unless you want to say he uses his private garage for a workshop instead of parking his car in it] garage
  • I studied [tense!—you studied English in the past and you are still studying it right now] English
  • I am in terminal [education systems are not often compatible, use a more general term, such as "my last year"]
  • with the persons [which persons?—better term is "people" (no article!)]
  • the clothing style dress up tie [I don't understand this]
  • going in for sport [= "doing/practising sports"??]
  • it has been approximately 4 months [this is a French way of saying it] since I practise [put this verb into the present perfect and connect the first part with "for"] body-building
  • I made 3 months in room [I don't understand this]
  • to learn bases [basics]
  • some small defect ["some" needs a plural here, "defect" is singular; also, "weak point" is a better term]
  • obsessive [obsessed] with my business (affairs)
  • difficult to choose [–> picky in choosing]
  • it is for it that
  • I have of numerous quality [singular/plural!]
  • when a friend at need of [you need a verb here—replace the whole thing with the appropriate form of "to need"] me
  • somebody to exciting
  • holidays in [at] the sea
  • exits (releases) in [doesn't work in English; use "going to" or "being at"] the swimming pool
  • between [with] friends
  • clothes lighter short ["light clothes and shorts"? "light and short clothes"? or what?], and T-shirt [singular/plural!]
  • to hold [have] my own real estate agency
  • an appropriate a clean ["clean" may be the better choice—if I understand you right]profession
  • that well earns the [its] keep



Réponse: correction texte pour oral juin 08 de david1989, postée le 14-06-2008 à 21:06:30 (S | E)
Hello my name is David, I’m nineteen years old. I was born in Charleroi. My birthday is on January 7th, 1989.My star sign is Capricorn. I live in ****. I have two older brothers the first one is called Giovanni he is thirty years old he works in a pharmaceutical society he is married and he has a daughter who is named Lea she is two years old. "I'm uncle"..
Her godfather is called Michael he is twenty-four years old. He still lives at home and works in the garage as mechanic.

I am still at school, I've been studying English for seven years and it is my last year. I wish to continue my studies to become a real estate agent because I appreciate contact with people. I like the clothing style, wear the tie suit (j'aime le style vestimentaire costume cravate). "I like doing sport it has been approximately four months since I practise body-building and I do three months in room whith friends to learn basics I have to buy the necessary material and I work at home".( j'aime faire du sport j'ai fait 3 mois de muscu dans une salle avec des amis et mantenant j'ai acheté tout le matérielet je pratique chez moi). I work all my muscles arms, legs, pectoral and abdominal muscles. "I have some small defect"( je ne trouve pas de solution a cette phrase ) I am jealous, a little bit obsessived with my business, very vindictive and I am very picky in choosing a girlfriend for that I am a single at the moment.

On the other hand I have numerous qualities I am very sociable, generous, I'm always helpful when a friend needs me, kind and funny. "I would define myself as somebody exciting, serious and moody". ( je me definirais comme quelqu'un d'excité serieux et d'humeur changeante).
The season which I prefer is summer because I like the sun, heat, holidays at the sea, I am going to swimming pool, with friends. "The light clothes and short adapted summer".( vetement court et légé adapté à l'été ) It is the season of strawberries and cherries and I like that. In the future I would like to become a real estate agent and to hold my own real estate agency, it is clean profession and "that well earns the keep" ( on gagne bien sa vie ).

Je vous remercie pour votre aide cela m'a beaucoup aidé pour la recorrection de mon texte. Voilà j'ai fait mon possible mais quelques erreurs qui me posent problèmes. Ce qui se trouve entre guillemet et entre parenthèse.

d'avance bisous



Réponse: correction texte pour oral juin 08 de david1989, postée le 16-06-2008 à 16:29:26 (S | E)
Help me please corrigé mon texte s'il vous plaît


Réponse: correction texte pour oral juin 08 de lucile83, postée le 16-06-2008 à 16:47:06 (S | E)
Bonjour,
je fais le début en notant les fautes:
Hello my name is David, I’m nineteen years old. I was born in Charleroi. My birthday is on January 7th, 1989.My star sign is Capricorn. I live in ****. I have two older brothers ....the first one is called Giovanni... he is thirty years old.... he works in a pharmaceutical society... he is married and he has a daughter who is named Lea.... she is two years old.(ponctuation) I'm "an uncle"..
Her godfather is called Michael.. he is twenty-four years old. He still lives at home and works in the garage as... mechanic.

sans ponctuation un texte est difficilement lisible ! en plus ça sert à reprendre votre souffle à l'oral
"he still lives at home" ne veut rien dire...soyez plus précis.
See you




Réponse: correction texte pour oral juin 08 de laure95, postée le 16-06-2008 à 17:12:08 (S | E)
Bonjour David. Je vais t'aider à corriger ton texte.
Hello! my name is David. I'm nineteen years old. I was born in Charleroi. My birthday is (pas obligatoire) on January 7th, 1989. My star sign is Capricorn. I live in . I hav two older brothers the first one is called (pas obligatoire) Givanni. He is thirty years old. He works in a pharmaceutical society. He is married and he has a daughter who is named (whose name is)Lea. She is two years old. "I'm (an uncle)". Her godfather is called Michael (Michael is his godfather, pour éviter de répéter called). He is 24 years old. He works in the garage as mechanic (he is a mechanic).
I am still at school. I've been studying English for several years and it is my last year. I wish (would like) to continue my studies to become a real estate agent because i appreciate contact with people. I like the clothing style, wear (à mettre en-ing car like est un verbe de gout) the (a) tie suit (uist and tie). "I like doing sport. It has been approximatively four months since i practise body building (structure trop lourde, fais une phrase simple: sujet: i, verbe: practise, complément avec since) and i do three months (did it for) three months in a (weights) room with friends to learn basics. I have to (au prétérit) buy the necessary material and (now) i work (practise) at home." I work (make work) all my muscles, legs, pectoral and abdominal muscles. "I have some small defects (ou faults). I am jealous, a little bit obsessved (orthographe!!!) with my business, very vindictive and i am very picky in choosing a girlfreind for that (reason) i am a single at the moment.
On the other hand, I have numerous qualities. I am very sociable, generous. I'm always helpful when a friend needs me, kind and funny. "I would define myself as somebody exciting, serious and moody".
The season which i prefer is summer because i like the sun, heat, holidays at the sea (at the seaside). I am going to (choix du tems?) to swimming pool with friends. "(sujet? verbe?) The light clothes and short (place de l'adjectif!!!) adapted to summer". It is the season of strawberries and cherries and i like that. In the future, I would like to become a real estate agent (tu l'as déjà dit!)and to hold my own real estate agency. It is clean profession and "that well earns the keep" (it enables to make a living).


Réponse: correction texte pour oral juin 08 de pumpkin21, postée le 16-06-2008 à 18:26:52 (S | E)
Hello my name is David, I’m nineteen years old. I was born in Charleroi. My birthday is on January THE 7th 1989. My ASTROLOGICAL sign is Capricorn. I live in ****. I have two older brothers : the first one is called Giovanni he is thirty years old he works in a pharmaceutical society he is married and he has a daughter who is named Lea she is two years old. "I'm uncle"..
Her godfather is called Michael he is twenty-four years old. He still lives at home and works in the garage as mechanic.

I am still at school, I've been studying English for seven years and it is my last year. I wish to continue my studies to become a real estate agent because I appreciate contact with people. I like WEARING SUITS. I like doing sport it has been approximately four months since I practise body-building and I DID three months in A CENTER whith SOME friends to learn basics I have to buy the necessary materialS and I PRACTISE at home". I work all my muscles arms, legs, pectoral and abdominal muscles.

ON THE ONE HAND "I have some DEFAULTS" : I am jealous, a little bit obsessived with my business, very vindictive and I am very picky in choosing a girlfriend THAT4 PROBABLY WHY I am a single at the moment.

On the other hand I have numerous qualities I am very sociable, generous, I'm always helpful when a friend needs me, kind and funny. "I would define myself as somebody excited, serious and and sometimes moody".
The season which I prefer is summer because I like the sun, heat, holidays at the sea, I am going to swimming pool, with friends. "The light AND SHORT clothes FOR summer". It is the season of strawberries and cherries and I like that. In the future I would like to become a real estate agent and to hold my own real estate agency, it is clean profession and WE EARN QUIET A LOT OF MONEY.





Réponse: correction texte pour oral juin 08 de david1989, postée le 16-06-2008 à 19:44:48 (S | E)
Super les amis un grand merci à vous (laure95, pumpkin21) maintenant a moi de jouer pour mon oral
bisous à vous




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