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Journalism / correction (1)

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Journalism / correction
Message de chouby33 posté le 10-02-2009 à 19:14:41 (S | E | F)

Bonjour, j'ai une expression d'anglais à rendre jeudi dont le sujet est : Is journalism a safe job ?

Pouvez vous me dire ce que vous pensez de ce que j'ai fais ?


Journalism is the activity which consists in picking up, collecting and commenting lots of events to make people aware by the media. Furthermore journalism consists in enlightening people and make them understand. It's considered as a public service.

Be reporter only consists in informing people, for this reason I think journalism is a safe job. For example, be journalist for a television news isn't dangerous, we can name Patrick Poivre d'Arvor as a journalist who has got a safe job.
However, journalists on the ground are permanently in danger. For instance we can quote, two French journalists, Christian Chesnot and Georges Malbrunot who were abducted by the Islamic Army in Iraq. Many journalists carry on their job abroad ; In that case, journalism is often a dangerous job.

On the whole, this job can be dangerous. In spite of that it's a very interesting job ans I think journalism is necessary in the life to inform and make us become aware. Nevertheless some journalists carry on a safe job by choosing well their sources and their subjects.

J'ai un peu l'impression d'avoir fais trop de répétitions, et avec 150 mots plus ou moins c'est un peu court pour exprimer mes idées... Merci d'avance pour vos conseils ;)

PS : je suis en terminale donc quelques conseils de méthode sont bienvenues aussi :D


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Modifié par bridg le 10-02-2009 19:21
titre


Réponse: Journalism / correction de azer3, postée le 10-02-2009 à 20:19:19 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Journalism is the activity which consists in picking up, collecting and commenting lots of events to make people aware by the media. Furthermore journalism consists in enlightening people and make them understand. It's considered as a public service.

Be reporter only consists in informing people, for this reason I think journalism is a safe job. For example, be journalist for a television news isn't dangerous, we can name Patrick Poivre d'Arvor as a journalist who has got a safe job.
However, journalists on the ground are permanently in danger. For instance we can quote, two French journalists, Christian Chesnot and Georges Malbrunot who were abducted by the Islamic Army in Iraq. Many journalists carry on their job abroad ; In that case, journalism is often a dangerous job.

On the whole, this job can be dangerous. In spite of that it's a very interesting job ans I think journalism is necessary in the life to inform and make us become aware. Nevertheless some journalists carry on a safe job by choosing well their sources and their subjects.

je tu propose de d'utiliser la forme comparative more+ adjective
on dit pas be ça manque quelque chose avant, ou bien tu utilise le ing form
ou est l'article indéfinie
tu as mal placé l'adverbe
il n'existe pas que ce verbe tu peux simplifier en suivant cette structure ......is to....complète le reste
un point est plus logique qu'un Virgile
on dit pas "be" ajoute le ing est ça devient correcte.
ça manque le pronom "the"
je tu propose de maitre avant "we can admit that...
le verbe est n'est pas conjugué cherche le temps alors
je tu propose la conjonction "but"

je tu propose de remplacer become par more
Voilà chére chouby33 corriges toi et je suis là.
de point de vue méthode je tu conseille d'être encore plus simple en construisant tes phrases.

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Modifié par azer3 le 10-02-2009 20:22


Réponse: Journalism / correction de chouby33, postée le 10-02-2009 à 21:19:23 (S | E)
Journalism is the activity which consists in picking up, collecting and commenting lots of events to make people aware by the media. Furthermore journalism consists in enlightening people and make them more understand. It's considered as a public service.

Be a reporter is only to inform people. For this reason I think journalism is a safe job. For example, being journalist for a television news isn't dangerous, we can name Patrick Poivre d'Arvor as a journalist who has got a safe job.
However, journalists on the ground are permanently in danger. For instance we can quote, the two French journalists, Christian Chesnot and Georges Malbrunot who were abducted by the Islamic Army in Iraq. Many journalists carry on their job abroad ; In that case, journalism is often a dangerous job.

On the whole, this job can be dangerous. In spite of that it's a very interesting job ans I think journalism is necessary in the life to inform and make us more aware. Nevertheless some journalists carry on a safe job by choosing well their sources and their subjects.

Est-ce juste ?

Pour ''carry'' je ne sais pas quoi mettre... :S


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Modifié par chouby33 le 10-02-2009 21:20


Réponse: Journalism / correction de azer3, postée le 10-02-2009 à 22:01:47 (S | E)
Journalism is the activity which consists in picking up, collecting and commenting lots of events to make people aware by the media. Furthermore journalism consists in enlightening people and make them more understand. It's considered as a public service.

Be a reporter is only to inform people. For this reason I think journalism is a safe job. For example, being journalist for a television news isn't dangerous, we can name Patrick Poivre d'Arvor as a journalist who has got a safe job.
However, journalists on the ground are permanently in danger. For instance we can quote, the two French journalists, Christian Chesnot and Georges Malbrunot who were abducted by the Islamic Army in Iraq. Many journalists carry on their job abroad ; In that case, journalism is often a dangerous job.

On the whole, this job can be dangerous. In spite of that it's a very interesting job and I think journalism is necessary in the life to inform and make us more aware. Nevertheless some journalists carry on a safe job by choosing well their sources and their subjects.
understand c'est pas un adjective consulter un dictionnaire
enlève "as" c'est mieux
to be
cadeau: je tu propose "we can take as an exemple the journalist Patrick Poivre d'arvor who has..."
ici il ya deux choix soit le "simple present" ou bien le "present continuous"
to infrom and...make us ça manque quelque chose, on garde la même structure après and.
de même il ya deux choix, soit le "simple present" ou bien le "present continuous", mais si tu utilise le present continuous qui est plus logique tu dois changuer quelque choses:Voilà un peut d'aide et a toi de conjuguer les verbes convenablement.
Nevertheless some journalists (to carry on in the present continuous)a safe job because they (to chose in the simple past) well their sources and their subjects.
Encore un cadeau chére chouby33, je tu propose cette structure par la quelle tu peux comencer cette paragraphe et même tes futures rédactions" Every one undestand that Journalism is the activity which consists in picking up,collecting..."

Voilà j'attends ta correction...




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