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Meeting parents /suite

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Meeting parents /suite
Message de cheima123 posté le 08-05-2013 à 16:04:02 (S | E | F)
Hello,
Voici la suite de mon texte. Si vous trouvez des erreurs, n'hésitez pas à m'en faire part. Il doit y en avoir un bon nombre.
Merci d'avance

We heard the door slam. It was my father. The stress mounted. I just wanted one thing : that the evening ends as soon as possible. My mother called us in order to eat. We came down. My father was in the dining room.
-« Hi Dad, This is Eden... My girlfriend. »
He stayed perplexed. In my family, girlfriends or boyfriends, it doesn't exist. My father always told me : « If you love a girl, pray God in order to he preserve her to you, and does nothing with her if you still don't marry her »
There was a silence then Eden began to speak :
-« Hello Sir, Nice to meet you. »
He didn't answer immediately. Then after some time, he added :
-« Please, don't be so shy. Call me XXX »
A smile appeared on his face. I felt very good. The presentations were well spent.
We sat at the table. Eden was in front of me, and my mother was in front of my father like two couples. My mother had prepared the traditional maroccain food: Couscous, tagine, the Chorba which is a traditional soup, briks and chili Salad.
Eden wasn't used to see much food only for four people. It made me laugh. We started to eat then my mother began the discussion :
-« Tell me Eden, what is you job ? »
-« I'm the director of an association against the discrimination »
It was at that moment that I had to act, in order to announce the piece of news :
-« Yes Mom, an association against racial discrimination especially against XXX »
Eden looked at me. My father stopped eating. Nobody uderstood.
My mother scowled then I said, slowly and gently :
-« Actually, Eden is XXX »
My father who was drinking choked. The plate of couscous which is in my mother's hands fell. The floor was soiled. Eden jumped. It was at this time that the trouble started.
-« Why don't you tell it us before ? »
-« I was frightened of your reaction »
My mother went in the kitchen, propably to cry. My father raised his voice.
-« I hope you realize what you're doing, how your children will be educated, about what people will say ! Are you crazy ?
Eden was silent and looked down. She knew very well that the cause of this family conflict, it was her.
-« Dad, I'm twenty-five. I can manage my life alone. We don't care about what people think. I love her ! »
My mother came back, and she lowered tensions :
-« Darling, your son is not a baby. He know what he do. He loves Eden. We can't do anything »
My mother has always defende me at my father, but I knew very wall that what she said, she didn't think so at all.
-« Dad please, let us a chance to show you that it can work ! »
He reflected. He calmed down and then continued :
-« This is not that I wanted for your future.. »
-« Don't you think my future, it's me to choose it ?! »
I didn't understant. My father was concerned about what peaple would think of this union. I don't know how to tell him the second piece of news. I was devastated. I knew that this would happen. I knew it. Eden, artless, realized that now. I saw it in her eyes. She was very embarrassed and taken aback. The difference of XXX can have such consequence. She remained silent. Nobody dared to speak. I wanted the evenind ends quickly, I didn't want that this dinner continues.
I had to announced the piece of new to them. This piece of news. This piece of news which will bring heavy consequences. This piece of news which makes me shudders when I think about it. This piece of news which is absolute happiness for me but unhappiness for my parents. This piece of news is simply my XXX. I took a deep breath and I blurted :
-« Dad, Mom, you know, Eden and I, we met a long time ago. She taught me a lot about her XXX, there are many things in common with ours. She taught me XXX as you taugh me XXX. I fell in love with her XXX.. I.. I'm XXX »
My father stood up and slapped me. It ws instantaneous. I still have the mark of his slap. His stroke was so strong. I was bleeding from the mouth. My mother cried. Eden was under the shok.
Everything happened very quickly, but I felt that it happened during an eternity.
My father was mad at me. He said :
-«  How dare you ? All that I have taugh you, the XXX language, the XXX, all traditions ! »
-«  what is the difference, explain me ? You know anything about XXX. We have the same XXX and the same XXX ! »
-« You make me shame ! How can you, after all these years, prefer a girl than your own parents ?!
We loved you, elevated ! What do we stant for you ?!
-« It's not about Eden ! I XXX because I feel good as a XXX. I prefer stay in the apartement than in the house. I prefer eating apple than orande. I just prefer being xxx than xxx.
Nobody can understand my parents's reaction. Nobody exept me. They raised me in traditions, have done everything in order to I'm a good boy. I wanted they are proud of me.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 08-05-2013 16:07


Réponse: Meeting parents /suite de cheima123, postée le 08-05-2013 à 19:52:47 (S | E)
Hello,
Personne n'est assez courageux pour corriger ce long texte ? Allez courage



Réponse: Meeting parents /suite de lucile83, postée le 08-05-2013 à 21:01:55 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Merci de patienter un peu car les membres du site, y compris moi-même, sont sans doute occupés ailleurs (vie de famille ou activité professionnelle par exemple); dès qu'un membre pourra vous aider il le fera.
Il est aussi recommandé de ne pas poster votre demande au dernier moment.
Sachez en outre que des membres anglophones viennent sur le site pendant votre nuit qui est leur journée avec le décalage horaire.
Cordialement.



Réponse: Meeting parents /suite de notrepere, postée le 09-05-2013 à 23:07:41 (S | E)
Hello

We heard the door slam. It was my father. The stress mounted(1). I just wanted one thing : that the evening ends(2) as soon as possible. My mother called us in order to eat(3). We came down. My father was in the dining room.
-« Hi Dad, This is Eden... My girlfriend. »
He stayed perplexed. In my family, girlfriends or boyfriends, it doesn't exist. My father always told me : « If you love a girl, pray God in order to he preserve her to you, and does nothing with her if you still don't marry her(4) »
There was a silence then Eden began to speak :
-« Hello Sir, Nice to meet you. »
He didn't answer immediately. Then after some time, he added :
-« Please, don't be so shy. Call me XXX »
A smile appeared on his face. I felt very good. The presentations were well spent.
We sat at the table. Eden was in front of me, and my mother was in front of my father like two couples. My mother had prepared the traditional maroccain(5) food: Couscous, tagine, the Chorba which is a traditional soup, briks and chili Salad.
Eden wasn't used to see(6) much food only for four people. It made me laugh. We started to eat then my mother began the discussion :
-« Tell me Eden, what is you job (7) ? »
-« I'm the director of an association against the discrimination»
It was at that moment that I had to act, in order to announce the piece of news :
-« Yes Mom, an association against racial discrimination especially against XXX »
Eden looked at me. My father stopped eating. Nobody understood.
My mother scowled then I said, slowly and gently :
-« Actually, Eden is XXX »
My father, who was taking a drink, choked. The plate of couscous, which was in my mother's hands, fell. The floor was soiled. Eden jumped. It was at this time that the trouble started.
-« Why don't(9) you tell us this before ? »
-« I was frightened of your reaction »
My mother went in the kitchen, propably(5) to cry. My father raised his voice.
-« I hope you realize what you're doing, how your children will be educated, about what people will say ! Are you crazy ?
Eden was silent and looked down. She knew very well that the cause of this family conflict, it was her.
-« Dad, I'm twenty-five. I can manage my life alone. We don't care about what people think. I love her ! »
My mother came back, and she lowered the tension :
-« Darling, your son is not a baby. He know what he is doing. He loves Eden. We can't do anything »
My mother has always defended me with my father, but I knew very wall(le mur?) that what she said, she didn't think so at all (she didn't mean it?).
-« Dad please, let us have a chance to show you that it can work ! »
He reflected. He calmed down and then continued :
-« This is not that I wanted for your future.. »
-« Don't you think my future, it's me to choose it(8)?! »
I didn't understant. My father was concerned about what peaple would think of this union. I don't(9) know how to tell him the second piece of news. I was devastated. I knew that this would happen. I knew it. Eden, artless, realized that now. I saw it in her eyes. She was very embarrassed and taken aback. The difference of XXX can have such consequence(8). She remained silent. Nobody dared to speak. I wanted the evenind to end quickly, I didn't want that this dinner to continue.
I had to announced the piece of new to them. This piece of news. This piece of news which will bring heavy consequences. This piece of news which makes me shudders when I think about it. This piece of news which is absolute happiness for me but unhappiness for my parents. This piece of news is simply my XXX. I took a deep breath and I blurted it out :
-« Dad, Mom, you know, Eden and I, we met a long time ago. She taught me a lot about her XXX, there are many things in common with ours. She taught me XXX as you taugh me XXX. I fell in love with her XXX.. I.. I'm XXX »
My father stood up and slapped me. It was instantaneous. I still have the mark of his slap. His stroke was so strong. I was bleeding from the mouth. My mother cried. Eden was under the shok(8).
Everything happened very quickly, but I felt that it happened during an eternity.
My father was mad at me. He said :
-« How dare you ? All that I have taugh you, the XXX language, the XXX, all traditions ! »
-« what is the difference, explain me ? You know anything about XXX (Is this a question or a statement? Do you know anything...? or You know nothing...). We have the same XXX and the same XXX ! »
-« You make me shame ! How can you, after all these years, prefer a girl to your own parents ?!
We loved you, elevated ! What do we mean to you ?!
-« It's not about Eden ! I XXX because I feel good as a XXX. I prefer stay in the apartement than in the house. I prefer eating apples than orande(5). I just prefer being xxx than xxx.
Nobody can understand my parents's reaction. Nobody exept(5) me. They raised me in certain traditions, have done everything in order for me to be a good boy. I wanted them to be proud of me.


(1) The past continuous would be better for the narration.
(2) It would be better to say: for the evening to end...
(3) On dirait plutôt: called us to dinner
(4) Je ne comprends pas le sens de cette phrase
(5) Orthographe
(6) used to + verbe -ing (after an auxiliary in past tense, 'used to' becomes 'use to')
(7) phrase pas très courante en anglais
(8) Il faut tourner la phrase autrement
(9) au passé


-------------------
Modifié par notrepere le 10-05-2013 03:26





Réponse: Meeting parents /suite de cheima123, postée le 10-05-2013 à 10:49:38 (S | E)
Hello,
Merci pour l'aide j'ai bien tout corrigé mais il reste quelques détails dont je ne suis pas sur :
The stress is mounted ---> Je ne suis pas sûre du temps de la phrase.
"Eden wasn't use to see" ou bien "Eden wasn't use seeing" ?
-« Don't you think it's me to choose my future ?! » ----> Je ne suis pas sûre de la formulation de la phrase.

Voilà, merci beaucoup



Réponse: Meeting parents /suite de notrepere, postée le 10-05-2013 à 17:52:05 (S | E)
Hello

The stress is mounted ---> Je ne suis pas sûre du temps de la phrase. Past continuous
"Eden wasn't use to see" wasn't use to seeing
-« Don't you think it's up to me to choose my own future ?! »




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