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Gap Year/correction (1)

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Gap Year/correction
Message de sarah971 posté le 24-10-2015 à 19:02:00
Bonjour/ Bonsoir !
Je dois écrire un court texte "argumenté" pour répondre à cette question " Would you like to live and study abroad for a while ?"
Merci de me corriger ou de m'apporter des suggestions

More and more students, decide to study in a foreign country.
In fact, they think that it's an opportunity to be seized for theirs futures careers. Thanks to this experience, they should to learn a new language, to meet new people, to discover a new culture, to open their mind, etc...
Furthermore, these experiences enrich theirs resumes greatly and will allow better integration of the students in the working world.

However, this travel can become too a nightmare for them.
As a matter of fact, at the beginning the apprenticeship is extremely tough and they will have to accommodate the new social codes very quickly, otherwise the students will be excluded.
Besides, according to the host country take a Gap Year can become hazardous especially due to diseases, armed conflict, economic and political situations, wild animals, etc...

After exposing deferents advantages and drawbacks, speaking for myself, I'd really like to live and study in foreign country because it's a good way to be above the crowd.
The world is your oyster !

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 24-10-2015 19:11



Réponse: Gap Year/correction de gerondif, postée le 24-10-2015 à 19:10:46
Hello,
les adjectifs sont invariables et ne prennent pas le pluriel (futures careers, theirs resumes)
It is their room, it is theirs (pronom possessif, c'est la leur)
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
More and more students, decide to study in a foreign country.

In fact, they think that it's an opportunity to be seized for theirs futures careers. Thanks to this experience, they should to learn a new language, to meet new people, to discover a new culture, to open their minds, etc...
Furthermore, these experiences enrich theirs resumes greatly and will allow better integration of the students in the working world.

However, this travel can also become too a nightmare for them.
As a matter of fact, at the beginning the apprenticeship is extremely tough and they will have to accommodate to the new social codes very quickly, otherwise the students will be excluded.
Besides, according to the host country take(gérondif, ing) a Gap Year can become hazardous especially due to diseases, armed conflicts, economic and political situations, wild animals, etc...

After exposing deferents advantages and drawbacks, speaking for myself, I'd really like to live and study in a foreign country because it's a good way to be above the crowd.
The world is your oyster !


Réponse: Gap Year/correction de sarah971, postée le 24-10-2015 à 20:03:37
More and more students, decide to study in a foreign country.

In fact, they think that it's an opportunity to be seized for theirs future careers. Thanks to this experience, they should learn a new language, meet new people, discover a new culture, open their mind, etc...
Furthermore, these experiences enrich their resumes greatly and will allow better integration of the students in the working world.

However, this travel can also become a nightmare for them.
As a matter of fact, at the beginning the apprenticeship is extremely tough and they will have to accommodate to the new social codes very quickly, otherwise the students will be excluded.
Besides, according to the host country taking a Gap Year can become hazardous especially due to diseases, armed conflicts, economic and political situations, wild animals, etc...

After exposing diferents advantages and drawbacks, speaking for myself, I'd really like to live and study in a foreign country because it's a good way to be above the crowd.
The world is your oyster !




Réponse: Gap Year/correction de gerondif, postée le 24-10-2015 à 23:11:40
Bonsoir,
More and more students,(virgule inutile) decide to study in a foreign country.

In fact, they think that it's an opportunity to be seized for theirs future careers. Thanks to this experience, they should (un futur irait mieux) learn a new language, meet new people, discover a new culture, open their minds(au pluriel), etc...
Furthermore, these experiences enrich their resumes greatly and will allow better integration of the students in the working world.

However, this travel(ce n'est pas qu'une question de voyage) can also become a nightmare for them.
As a matter of fact, at the beginning the apprenticeship is extremely tough and they will have to accommodate to the new social codes very quickly, otherwise the students will be excluded.
Besides, according to the host country,(virgule) taking a Gap Year can become hazardous especially due to diseases, armed conflicts, economic and political situations, wild animals, etc...

After exposing diferents(2f, pas de s) advantages and drawbacks, speaking for myself, I'd really like to live and study in a foreign country because it's a good way to be above the crowd.
The world is your oyster !


Réponse: Gap Year/correction de razzor, postée le 24-10-2015 à 23:34:39
Bonsoir,

Ton texte est bien mais tu ne réponds pas vraiment à la question. On te demande si tu aimerais faire une année sabbatique à l'étranger. Tu parles principalement des avantages/inconvénients de le faire. Tu peux en parler dans l'introduction, mais tu aurais dû raconter tes propres expériences et donner des raisons pour lesquelles ce serait une bonne idée pour toi de partir étudier à l'étranger.
Quand tu fais des rédactions, demande-toi si tu réponds à la question. Le contenu est aussi important que la langue


Réponse: Gap Year/correction de sarah971, postée le 25-10-2015 à 03:24:35
More and more students decide to study in a foreign country.

In fact, they think that it's an opportunity to be seized for their future careers. Thanks to this experience, they will should learn a new language, meet new people, discover a new culture, open their minds, etc...
Furthermore, these experiences enrich their resumes greatly and will allow better integration of the students in the working world.

However, this experience can also become a nightmare for them.
As a matter of fact, at the beginning the apprenticeship is extremely tough and they will have to accommodate to the new social codes very quickly, otherwise the students will be excluded.
Besides, according to the host country, taking a Gap Year can become hazardous especially due to diseases, armed conflicts, economic and political situations, wild animals, etc...

After exposing different advantages and drawbacks, speaking for myself, I'd really like to live and study in a foreign country because it's a good way to be above the crowd.
The world is your oyster !

p.s: Veuillez m'excuser d'avoir mal corrigé (le correcteur d'orthographe n'apprécie pas la langue de Shakespeare )

p.p.s: C'est mon professeur qui nous a dit d'organiser notre texte en deux paragraphes (avantages et inconvénients)... C'est vrai que j'y ai pensé mais bon je ne savais pas trop quoi faire d'autre...
Vous croyez que cela va me porter préjudice ?


Réponse: Gap Year/correction de gerondif, postée le 25-10-2015 à 09:10:42
Hello,
they will should learn a new language, il y a un auxiliaire en trop.


Réponse: Gap Year/correction de sarah971, postée le 25-10-2015 à 14:15:02
More and more students decide to study in a foreign country.
In fact, they think that it's an opportunity to be seized for their future careers. Thanks to this experience, they will learn a new language, meet new people, discover a new culture, open their minds, etc...
Furthermore, these experiences enrich their resumes greatly and will allow better integration of the students in the working world.

However, this experience can also become a nightmare for them.
As a matter of fact, at the beginning the apprenticeship is extremely tough and they will have to accommodate to the new social codes very quickly, otherwise the students will be excluded.
Besides, according to the host country, taking a Gap Year can become hazardous especially due to diseases, armed conflicts, economic and political situations, wild animals, etc...

After exposing different advantages and drawbacks, speaking for myself, I'd really like to live and study in a foreign country because it's a good way to be above the crowd.
The world is your oyster !


p.s: pensez-vous que mon texte est bien gerondif ?


Réponse: Gap Year/correction de gerondif, postée le 25-10-2015 à 14:29:22
Hello,
according to the host country, taking a Gap Year can become hazardous
"according to" signifie, selon, à en croire, si on écoute, d'après....
"Depending on" signifierait selon, selon le choix fait , c'est ce qu'il vous faut.

Votre texte est assez classique, ca ira mais vous auriez pu faire un paragraphe pour et un contre en vous impliquant davantage:

Oui, j'aimerais passer un an à l'étranger car ça me permettrait de quitter ma famille, de me débrouiller toute seule, de rencontrer des gens, des familles différentes, d'être responsable de ma vie, de voyager, de rencontrer d'autres jeunes,...etc

Par contre, j'aurais un peu peur de me retrouver loin de ma famille, est-ce que j'aurai assez d'argent, et puis qui va faire mon lit, ma chambre, le ménage, il va falloir que je cuisine, que je lave mon linge et si je tombe malade dans un pays étranger, je ne verrai plus mes copines ni mes feuilletons préférés, et puis à quoi bon une expérience internationale si c'est pour se retrouver au chômage...etc

PS: en 73_74, à 20 ans, quand je suis parti un an au nord de l'Angleterre comme assistant, c'est ce que j'ai appris à faire: cuisiner, laver, (pas repassergérer un budget (à l'époque £70 par mois mais une pinte au pub coûtait 20 pence) et rencontrer les jeunes d'autres pays en auberge de jeunesse , ça reste un très bon souvenir.



Réponse: Gap Year/correction de sarah971, postée le 25-10-2015 à 23:52:10
More and more students decide to study in a foreign country.
In fact, they think that it's an opportunity to be seized for their future careers. Thanks to this experience, they will learn a new language, meet new people, discover a new culture, open their minds, etc...
Furthermore, these experiences enrich their resumes greatly and will allow better integration of the students in the working world.

However, this experience can also become a nightmare for them.
As a matter of fact, at the beginning the apprenticeship is extremely tough and they will have to accommodate to the new social codes very quickly, otherwise the students will be excluded.
Besides, depending on the host country, taking a Gap Year can become hazardous especially due to diseases, armed conflicts, economic and political situations, wild animals, etc...

After exposing different advantages and drawbacks, speaking for myself, I'd really like to live and study in a foreign country because it's a good way to be above the crowd.
The world is your oyster !

p.s: Je prend note de votre remarque ! J'hésitais à utiliser la première personne, je souhaitais être assez générale un peu comme en français (je suis en 1 ère S).


-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 26-10-2015 08:01


Réponse: Gap Year/correction de sarah971, postée le 29-10-2015 à 22:39:48
Bonjour/Bonsoir !
J'ai modifié mon texte

In the 21 st century, more and more students decide to study in a foreign country.
In fact, I think that it's an opportunity to be seized for my future. This experience will permit me to leave my family and therefore, win in maturity and confidence. Moreover, I will meet diferent peoples, discover a new culture and custom. Also, I could getting better my english or my spanish thanks to help of the local peoples. And, when I won't have money, I will make roadtrip easily in bordering countries.
On the other hand, I don't know if I take care of a house or a flat. Indeed, I will have to make my own bed, wash my own dirty laundry, iron my own clothes, cook my own meal and especially, make the thing which I hate the most... Take out the dustbins...
Not only that ! Who will take care of me if I get sick ?
Furthermore, I won't have my family and my friends to celebrate Christmas.
Live and study abroad have its advantages and its drawbacks. According to me, take a Gap Year is above all a human experience which gives the opportunity to grow rich culturally. So,It will be a pleasure to study in a foreign country even if (j'ai la peur au ventre).

Voilà, j'espère que c'est un peu mieux... Je ne suis pas très littéraire mais j'essaie de faire de mon mieux quand même

P.S: Je n'ai pas trouvé ou peut-être pas assez cherché l'expression idiomatique "avoir la peur au ventre" en anglais. Mais je suppose que vous devez la connaître étant donner votre bilinguisme donc c'est pour cela que je me suis permise de la mettre entre parenthèse .
pour votre aide.




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